To Stop next door neighbours daughter coming round?

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

Her mum texts me everyday to say her daughter wants to come play. I try and say no most days because it’s just carnage when she is here. I gave in today and she has told numerous lies.

She told me DS put his hand in her food so she can’t eat it now. He has told me that it isn’t true and ended up crying. I personally think she just didn’t want it.

Walked over my sofa in her trainers, jumped on outdoor storage box DH caught her and she outright lied and said she didn’t.

Shes older than my kids and I kind of felt sorry for her because she doesn’t have a very good mum. But I feel as if I have been blindsided now. I feel she is a manipulator constantly calls me her second mum always hugging me. But then will sit and lie to my face and try and get my DS into trouble.

How the hell do i handle this situation correctly?

Just say no it doesn't suit and keep repeating.

Say to the mum “it’s not convenient”. If child turns up “sorry, it’s not convenient now, go back home”.

Yep. Just keep saying no.

Are your kids getting anything positive from this? How old is she?
Sounds like you’re being used for childcare and I’d be putting up boundaries where I could.

Tell the mum that she can't come round any more because she doesn't seem to get on with your son.

Instead of having to say no every day, bite the bullet and tell the mum she can't come round again and please don't ask.

Better to have your neighbour cross with you than your son upset in his own home, don't you think?

Boundaries. You’ll just have to say. I and tell her to return home. Doesn’t have to be a reason, just say it’s not convenient.

Are you feeding her tea as well? Or just a snack?

Also, if you catch her lying, , bring her to task. Correct her when she calls you a second mummy, and say you’re a neighbour, not her mum. Stop the hugging also, if you feel this is too familiar. You’ve been kind up to now, but now she (and her mum) are taking advantage.

Nah, sounds like there’s nothing good for your son with this arrangement and he’s been basically bullied in his own home, so simply say they don’t get on and she can’t come over anymore.

just say to the mum that you don't want her to come round and stop asking.

Send a message to the mum saying there was an upset today and it's best her daughter doesn't come over any more.
Don't enter into any conversation about it.
Don't open the door to the girl.
If the mum continues asking, block her number.

Just keep saying no. Your kids don’t want to play with her so why make them?

Thanks it’s just awkward isn’t it! I quite like the mum but she isn’t stable (alcohol and MH issues)

Its just a shame because these will be our neighbours for the next however many years of our lives but I need to put some boundaries in place.

Another way of looking at it is the girl is going to be your son’s neighbour for many years and your son is your number one priority.

Not convenient is a nice, vague way of saying it.

But op, I'm wondering about the poor kid (realising that this isnt your problem to deal with on a daily basis). Perhaps the behavioral issues are precisely because of the home life, and she's, without awareness, finding some refuge in your home. Again, not your problem ok, , but I would, like you said, feel sad for her...is this severe, e.g a social services case do you think? How badly neglected is she? Is she being abused?

What I used to do was offer a trip to the park for an hour with the kids then drop neighbours child back home.
It sounds like attention seeking in the wrong manner on her part, it's not nice having an alcoholic parent and she will feel envious of your children, but call her out when she picks on the kids with her lies , it's the only way , just say it straight when she's out of order and let her know that if she wants to continue to pop round to play this behaviour must stop, but also be careful, this could escalate to accusations about yourself and husband, I've seen that happen when I was younger , sorry to scare you but protect your family.

I'd start with a good old fashioned "the kids aren't getting on well at the moment" and try to keep things neutral.

Oh god we had this too my DD made friends with the girl next door and she would turn up at all hours - like 8am on a Sunday- wanting to play. My DD went off her quite quickly so we had to keep saying no DD can't play today, felt so sorry for her because she just had parents who weren't that interested, but we had to put DD first. She got the message eventually. Luckily they moved away so not as awkward!

Just tell her no, and when she asks tell her why!

You need to man up and stop subjecting your kids to this sort of bollocks after school-it doesn’t sound fun for them at all. Say no, every time.

You tell the child , she is not allowed in because she is causing trouble.

Then just say sorry no.

Lots of people asking but you still haven’t said how old she is?

Just say it's not working out. The kids just don't get on that well. If she pushes you, be clear. We've caught her out in a few lies, trying to get ds in trouble and we just don't think it's fair on him.