It’s a MIL one - feeling resentful

[Veganscientist]

Let me start by saying I like my MIL but this situation is making me start to resent her.

DS(3) was at nursery 3 days a week whilst I work, my husband works FT. My MIL has recently retired and suggested we move him to a 9-3 nursery which is significantly cheaper due to the shorter hours and she would do the wrap around after nursery 3 days and before 2 (I can manage the other 1).

Despite this arrangement being her idea she seems to take it all very casually, randomly announcing she can no long collect X day like it’s no big deal which causes a stres on my husband and I working out who will get him. In addition to this she decided it would be easier to bring him back to our house which means I have to sort his dinner these 3 days for her to heat up and he’s here whilst I’m trying to work. instead of watching him she just leaves him to do whatever in the house whilst playing on her iPad or doing this like sort the dishwasher. Most of the time he ends up coming into my study and I have to try look after him and work. My husband sat her down and asked her to leave the dishwasher or whatever and concentrate on looking after him, it hasn’t made a difference.

we can’t change the situation now as I don’t want to move him again and cause disruption, we’ll need to cope until he starts school next year. But AIBU to think why on earth did you suggest this when you clearly don’t want to do it?!

im finding it harder to be around her because she’s making my life harder than it used to be.

I agree to change back but saying OP's treating MIL like staff is a bit harsh - it wasn't OP's idea. She's only relying on her for childcare because MIL suggested it. It's not working out so now OP knows not to rely on her for a long term arrangement.

I would agree with others, change back. If your son was happy at the nursery, he will adjust back quickly. Plus he will have social time and activities, which your MIL cannot provide. Relatives can mean well, but cannot deliver the same as a paid service.

Change it to what suits you and your husband it won't cause your DS disruption as his very young. Work it out on your terms not anyone else's as not everyone can live up to the expectations.

It's sounds like she's finding it harder than she thought she would.

Move back to the old day care or you'll all end up destroying your relationship for no gain.

Your MIL should be able to cope with aranging her appointments and social life on days she is not looking after your son. I think you need to have a conversation with her and be blunt. One thing I will say, as a GM that looks after young grandchildren, it is that if the child knows Mummy or Daddy are there, it is hard to keep them away. We prefer to look after the grandchildren at our house or take them out.

Quite. Plus l though staff actually did the task they were meant to do?!

Though = thought

I could have written this!! We had the same issue.

MIL offered to watch DD1 2 days a week, she doesn’t work so she has the time in theory. She’d often cancel it last minute and it meant that my husband or I had to call work and take a day off with little to no notice. It gave us lots of stress. My husband WFH, if something else would come up (e.g. a family member calls her to meet up, nothing serious) she’d leave early, way before I’d get back from work, saying to him that “you’re at home anyway “.. yes he’s at home, but he’s working!!
We did this for about 2 months then we really felt that we need the reliability annd our sanity and started DD1 in a nursery.

Now she has even more time apparently and offered to look after DD2 while I work, we said no thanks.

I’m not going to take her on this offer. Anytime we ask her to come to a school event to see DD1 performing, she always has other plans already, usually attending to another family members, or she just gives vague answers such as “we will see”.
I can already see it’d go down exactly the same as it was with DD1 and she would just come and go on her own terms, leaving us in s**t. I won’t let that happen again!