Would you ever joke about murdering or harming your child?

[Candlelitlunch]

Inspired by a Facebook post I was reading earlier where the OP was upset at seeing a message a man had written about her child saying he would "hopefully decapitate the little cunt". I was surprised at a lot of people replying that it's just a joke and they would also joke about hurting their children if they were being annoying.

Would you joke about decapitating or do you joke about hurting your child or would you also find this behaviour odd?

Absolutely not. That's vile. I'll occasionally say I'm putting them out with the bins to my partner but nothing that is insulting or violent.

No that's fucked up

Woah. That is vile.

The phrasing is too specifically graphic and violent to be a joke IMO.

However I do remember more "light-hearted" threats of violence from childhood. I remember my grandma telling my sister that she'll cut her tongue off if she pokes it out again. Feels awful writing it down, but it was always said in a jovial way and I never actually considered it an actual threat - just used to make my sister and I laugh harder.

Edited just to add, that is completely different circumstances to a stranger threatening to cut a child's head off - I'd be furious.

That's so concerning - surely the thought of your child being decapitated is horrific to anyone that's not seriously mentally fucked up. Like the thought of even joking about that in relation to a child makes me feel sick and uncomfortable.

So different from saying you'll put them with the bins, or give them away for free but they'd just be returned!

Yup, I do. But my kids know it’s a joke and I wouldn’t actually ’string them up and beat them’. In fact, they give as good as they get - I’m expecting any nursing home they might one day choose for me to be akin to a gulag.

joke yes but not how OP describes.

"I could throttle the little sod" is about the strongest I'd say.

Well obviously not on those terms but I’ve occasionally suggested I might throttle mine when they’re being particularly irritating.
It’s just a hyperbolic vent to friends normally. It’s meaningless and would very clearly never actually happen.
It's way of expressing annoyance. Not an actual threat. Like kids telling you they hate you and you’re the worst parent in the world.
Unless it’s screamed in to the child’s face with intent I can’t get worked up about it.

I've been known to joke that it's a good thing newborns learn to smile at 6 weeks or you might just murder the ungrateful little pots of wah...

But that's talking about babies or children in general, not my own! The thought of specific harm or murderous intent towards her just makes me feel slightly ill!

I joke with my children about the best order to eat them in should we find ourselves in an end of the world situation.

I have also joked about giving them to their dad (not to them) when they have been particularly difficult. Humour gets us through tough situations. His language was very dramatic but if that is his usual language I wouldn't get too upset up about it.

I am prone to hyperbole, so my kids have heard the phrase "OMG, I will murder you in your sleep" various times over the years. They are not remotely fased 😂 similarly, the cat is routinely told to go die in a hole when she shouts at us for food (disclaimer: we love her and would be v sad if this happened)

Pratchett observed this in Hogfather; something like 'The children weren't remotely bothered by threats but did obey the instructions therein, especially the ones in graphic detail'. I tried it on my own kids early doors and found he was right! I wouldn't try it on other people's children though.

Not in such a severe way.

I have threatened to send off on the river in a little boat made of cardboard if she doesn't clean her room.

Or something like,
"If you leave that plate in your room, I'll make you eat the fur it grows."

I think silly 'threats' are pretty normal - I might say something to DD like 'I'm going to throw you in that river if you don't stop xyz!', I'd be laughing and being silly, and that would be obvious, she'd be laughing too.

DM used to say she'd 'pull off your leg and hit you with the soggy end' when we were little, which used to send us into fits of laughter. Again, she'd be laughing and being silly. Or 'go and play with the traffic' was another favourite if we were being annoying. No one went running into the road!

Calling a child a cunt, being obviously angry with/about them, and threatening violence is a whole different ball park.

Was that even the child parent saying that or someone else? Joking with your own child, who knows you and knows you love them, and all laughing at some implausible and gross 'threat' is completely different to some twat getting argy and being scary and aggressive.

I frequently joke about murdering mine, eg “I’m bored, when are we going to get there” (for the millionth time) “In about an hour, that’s if I haven’t murdered one of you by then”. I could imagine using “decapitate” or “defenestrate” too for dramatic effect and vocabulary expansion. They find it funny and aren’t bothered by it at all. Both quite like gruesome stuff though.

I wouldn’t dream of calling my child a little cunt.

Also in your OP it sounds like it was someone else, not the parent, making the “joke” about decapitating? In which case that is hugely different.

This is a really severe and nasty example - definitely not normal at all.

Well yes, we would joking say "I'll murder ya" or I'll kick you into next week" which on the face of it seems bad but it's always said jokingly.

Depends on the context but I'd never call my child a cunt- jokingly or not.

It was someone else making the joke about the OPs toddler but a lot of the responses were that they would just see it as someone making a joke and they would also make jokes like that about their child. I personally found it quite gross.

Of course I would joke about it. Most people would, and most kids would know you were joking. "I'll pull off your arm and beat you to death with the soggy end" is a personal favourite.

From the title I was going to say yes, but that message is disgusting and I wouldn't associate with anyone who spoke like that about their child, much less if they spoke like that about mine.

My yes was that I use to my kids a phrase my mum used to me.
"Stop that or I'll marmalise you, as Nan used to say"
"what does that mean mum"
"Not a clue, but do that again and we'll both find out"
Just part of my general reportoire of nonsense, just a warning to tone down the giddiness, not an actual disciplinary threat! The Facebook post was sounds much more aggressive and abusive. It's partly the expletive that makes it sound aggressive rather than jokey. (eg dinner ladies and teachers in the 80s - I've hurt my leg "Well we will have to cut it off, you've got another one")

The choice of words is disgusting, especially from someone else who isn't the parents.
But yeah, I do say to my teenagers sometimes that they are dead meat if they are particularly obnoxious...

I say to my kids "if you spill a drink on the new sofa I will kill you". I'd never call them a cunt though.

In the context of what was said in the OP, no absolutely not. That’s awful.

Saying to my own kids, in jest, some comments. Though not ever calling them a cunt! Or threatening decapitation!

more like “you’re cruising for a bruising” or “I’ll give you a clip round the ear”. But they 100% know that I’m kidding.

I think your example is totally different from the ones in most replies OP. The age of the child makes a big difference, as well as it being someone else’s child, plus the expletive.

Mine are 9 and 11 and would find it quite funny if I threatened them with being decapitated if they don’t stop squabbling.

In your example it’s a toddler, who wouldn’t understand let alone find it funny, so it’s aimed at the parent really, and saying that about someone else’s toddler is definitely not funny. And especially combined with calling them a little cunt.

I wouldn't be offended and would take it as an off the cuff comment, but I'm used to and do use dark humour in the right environment.

I work on an environment where dark humour is used as a coping mechanism, but the audience has to be appropriate foe context, otherwise offence will be caused.

Some people just don't read the environment they're in and that's the issue.

'I could have throttled him!'

That's acceptable.

'I'd like to slit his throat and watch the blood drain out!'

Not acceptable.