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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

TBH, I think we're BOTH unreasonable, but come have a look and tell me what you think please

19 replies

Earlybird · 07/04/2008 15:17

Objective advice needed please...and maybe it's a slow enough day that you can wade through this saga...

I was not blessed with good teeth. I have always gone to the dentist twice a year for cleaning, and take care of my teeth well at home (Ok, I could floss a bit more, but I'm fairly diligent about oral hygiene). Over the years, I have spent an inordinate amount of time and money on my mouth - multiple teeth pulled due to overcrowding, braces several times, many cavities filled, crowns, etc.

A few years ago, I started with a new dentist. He wanted to replace all metal fillings as they were 'too old' and 'were never meant to last a lifetime'. We then embarked on a long term plan, with virtually every filling being replaced - and there were alot of them. Many were not straightforward and needed further work - root canals, more drilling, crowns etc. I have spent hours in the dentist's chair and thousands of pounds (maybe 10k?). I thought I was finally done with our dental 'overhaul'.

I went again last week for my 6 month cleaning, and the hygienist did extensive x-rays (says they need to be done every 3 years). She didn't see any problems after cleaning/check-up. (Yea! Finally!) Mr Dentist walks in, looks at x-rays and immediately lists 3 things that need doing...........which means several follow-up visits and more £.

I did not take the news well. I wasn't horrid, but was clearly unhappy, and muttered something about wanting to just once come in for a check up and walk out again with no follow ups. Of course it's not his fault, but I'm starting to wonder if this dentist is ever done. (I used to work for a doctor who regularly did unecessary exams/tests when business was slow....so that experience sticks in my mind).

I half-heartedly apologised, and made a weak joke about how it's never good news to hear about further/expensive treatments needed - similar to clients who are unhappy with accountants who deliver the bad news about big tax bills owed (I'm in America, and it's tax season here).

He launched into an explanation about how he could do all necessary work in a short time, but has learned that patients don't have the physical tolerance or deep enough pockets for big bills so he has learned it is better to 'stretch out treatment'. I said I was thinking we were finally through with work needed, and was unhappy that, with the end in sight, now there is suddenly more to be done. He sort of snapped, and said if I preferred it he would stop telling me bad news, and wouldn't tell me even if I had mouth cancer. He then left the room with a 'think about it, and give us a call if you want to schedule time for the things that need to be done'.

I was stunned. Walked out and paid my bill (v. expensive due to many x-rays), and now think I want a new dentist.

Perspective please?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 07/04/2008 15:20

Some private dentists can be total shysters

I have left one who was giving appalling advice and making work for no reason

find another dentist quickly

and get a report done and consider suing him for malpractice if possible

RubySlippers · 07/04/2008 15:21

get a new dentist!

at wouldn't tell you if you had mouth cancer

i had something similar with a dentist although not as extreme

i had always been to the dentist twice a year, and never had a filling until i moved, found a new dentist and apparently i needed 3!

several hundred pounds later, i had my three fillings

i moved again a year later, new dentist and no fillings

i am convinced my three fillings were not necessary

Hassled · 07/04/2008 15:21

Until you get a new dentist you won't know whether he's right or completely taking the piss - I woudl suspect the latter, but go and see someone else for a "check-up" (without detailing all the background) and see what he/she says.

MrsTittleMouse · 07/04/2008 15:21

Get a new dentist!
He might not be swindling you, some dentists are more "hands off" and some like to do everything possible, and you might have the latter. Or he could be taking you for every penny. But either way, he's not a good fit for you. Can you get a recommendation from a friend for another dentist?

macdoodle · 07/04/2008 15:21

you need a new dentist

bambam30 · 07/04/2008 15:22

go and stick one of his needles up his a**e- he sounds to me like you are his personal banker and i would report him to whoever you could for the 'emotional' trauma of saying he would'nt tell uou if you had mouth cancer that was just downright nasty and uncalled for

Twiglett · 07/04/2008 15:24

replacing fillings sound like a bit of a crock of shit to me too .. will check with BIL if you want ... were they standard amalgams?

BeauLocks · 07/04/2008 15:24

You need a new dentist.

I once went to a dentist who told me I needed thousands of £ of work done. I was surprised because I have very good teeth and have never had a problem. I tried another dentist who told me I only needed to see him once a year, max and that my teeth were "superb".

I think this guy has been taking you for a ride tbh.

PrettyCandles · 07/04/2008 15:24

As to whether or not the work needs to be done, you ought to go get a second opinion from another dentist. But as for his behaviour towards you, well I think he was definitely being unreasonable. I don't see anything wrong with the way you behaved.

PrettyCandles · 07/04/2008 15:25

Twiglett, sometimes fillings do need to be replaced - but not a whole mouthful just because they were done years ago. Only if they are wearing out.

Freckle · 07/04/2008 15:27

When I met dh and moved to this town, I decided to register with his dentist. I was assigned to another dentist within the practice and was very happy with the service. It always struck me as odd that, given that dh is extremely diligent about his teeth cleaning, he always seemed to need to have work done.

Partway through my second pregnancy, my dentist left the practice and I was assigned to dh's dentist. I didn't have a problem with that as I was getting free NHS treatment due to my pregnancy. However, this dentist kept trying to persuade me to have expensive private work done. I kept putting him off explaining that we couldn't afford it. He then said he would ask dh! I said that, no, he wouldn't as it was my decision. How dare he.

Anyway, we finally parted company when I took DS1 in for a check=up and he insisted that he had some decay which needed to be treated. I was stunned as I'd always been very careful about his teeth. When we left the surgery, I made DS1 open his mouth and absolutely flipped at dh when I realised that what the dentist was telling us was decay was in fact Weetabix! I'd not had time to do his teeth properly before leaving the house (well baby to sort out too). That dentist must have known that that was not decay, but was prepared to carry out totally unnecessary treatment on my little toddler. We moved dentists and, strangely, 10 years later dh hasn't needed any treatment at all.

There was a report in the local paper sometime after we'd moved dentists about this dentist who was struck off the dental register for carrying out unnecessary work - to the extent that an old gent lost his life's savings of £3000 on work which was unnecessary. The dentist returned to South Africa and is no doubt conning people there too.

I think perhaps you should take your x-rays to another dentist and get another opinion at the very least. You may find that no work is required.

Twiglett · 07/04/2008 15:27

oh no I know that sometimes the odd filling needs to be replaced .. that's understandable

but for a process of replacing all fillings because they're not meant to last a lifetime ... that to me sounds odd

and to replace them with ones that last 3 years???

dittany · 07/04/2008 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumama · 07/04/2008 15:34

he;s had £10 000 out of you and wants more... i;d get a second and third opinion

sometimes work done seems to generate more and more work

the mouth cancer thing would hvae made me lose any trust i had left.

he is seeing you as a cash cow

Earlybird · 07/04/2008 15:38

OK - this reinforces my reaction that he was unreasonable. And unpleasant.

Twiglett - my 'essay' may have been unclear. All the metal fillings have been replaced with crowns and/or amalgam that matches teeth (so I don't have the appearance of a 'mouthful' of metal). His estimate is that these 'should' last 20 years or so.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 07/04/2008 15:40

do you have a beautiful mouth now?

Earlybird · 07/04/2008 15:44

Yes, gorgeous smile.....here take a look (the only Mumsnet face with 'teeth'!

Who was that James Bond villain with the metal teeth? I would probably look like him, had this dentist not 'saved' me....

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 07/04/2008 16:12

I went to a private dentist who insisted I needed three new fillings. Left feeling a bit and managed to get to see a NHS one who said I just needed one old one refilled. The fact is that - especially in US where training costs are so high - dentists have to sell a lot of extras to make their businesses thrive and you appear to be an easy touch in his opinion. My SIL moved to Chicago and was told by her dentist that he had never seen teeth as bad and didn't they have hygenists in UK ? Fact is, she's got really nice teeth and has never needed any work despite regular check-ups (when she's back in UK)...

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/04/2008 16:17

You are paying him. You are perfectly entitled to comment on the service you are getting - whether its good or bad. You are the customer.

He was out of order for many reasons, but basically, if he was any kind of decent person he would have reassured you (even if through gritted teeth) instead of walking out in a huffy old strop. VERY unprofessional.

Take your business elsewhere - insist on taking the x-rays etc with you too.

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