To not have my children together?

[hopelessatmothering]

I’ve realised I don’t enjoy both my children at the same time

I am not going back to work after maternity leave but am still considering putting my youngest in childcare in a few months when she’s 18 months. Nurseries are a minimum of two days. My eldest attends preschool for three days a week. I’m wondering about sending her for the two days he doesn’t attend so that I never have them together? They are really lovely and enjoyable alone. Or AIBU and ridiculous?

Yanbu, I'd be tempted to do the same if I didn't need the childcare for work. I find looking after both my kids at once (when I'm alone with them) so so much harder than one at a time.

But it's a shame because they love being together and never bother each other. I just hate the feeling when they suddenly both urgently need something and I can't help them both at once.

I would cross one day to allow one on one time with both and one day to yourself for a break. Two at that age is hard work but it will get easier especially when you are getting a break. I don’t think separating them all the time will help in the long run

what ever works for you! But think about the time they need together to develop their own relationship too

The less you do it the harder it will be.

YANBU - you have to do what works for you and the family. If maximising the time they are apart helps you emotionally and keeps the family moving and functioning in an otherwise healthy and harmonious way then do it.

The kids will change as their personalities development and they become more mature and understanding so this should only be a short term problem.

I wouldnt, I'd want some time to myself over keeping them away from each other. But if that's what going to give you the most enjoyment then if it works for you do it.

Isn't that one of the benefits of a sibling relationship though? Learning that your needs can't always be met instantly? Hard as a parent in the moment but good for them in the long run.

They're really not going to like being sent to nursery while the other stays home with Mummy.

Doing what I can to foster a good sibling relationship is really important to me (no extended family here) so personally I wouldn't, it feels divisive.

But as PP said, if it's really bad, it's better than you being at breaking point.

YABU and ridiculous. You need to work on juggling their different needs and your own at the same time.

OK, sure. But for example the other day, my baby ds really needed a feed so I sat to breastfeed him. Dd understands she needs to play by herself when I do this. But then she fell and badly skinned her knee. Of course I put ds down to go and help her (clean the graze, comfort her etc) but it's hard to comfort an upset child when her baby brother is screaming with hunger. She could barely hear what I was saying.

I get moments like that on a weekly basis. I promise you, neither kid is learning anything in those moments. They're just bundles of misery and can't rationalise

My DD was easy at 18 months but now at 3 it is difficult to get things done. Given the opportunity I would take a day with both of them together to give yourself a child free day.

I think it depends what you're struggling with.

If you feel you can't do meaningful to them stuff because there's another child, then separate days of a lovely way to get some 121 time.

If you're overwhelmed and stressed, I'd overlap one day so you get a day to yourself.

How are things at the weekend? Does Dad pull his weight?

That’s exactly the sort of thing I’m up against. Plus balancing naps and so on.

I don’t know about being resentful about nursery as the eldest has funded hours so would be going regardless. So probably nice for him to get some time without the younger one so feels it’s ‘fair’?

That’s interesting as I find it totally the other way round , DS was a nightmare at 18 months but really easy at 3!

Maybe do a compromise by having them overlap for one day so you still get one "child-free" day?