Why do I get nervous around managers?

[OctanuTs]

All my life I’ve been nervous around my mangers. Doesn’t matter if they are male or female my reaction is the same. I feel embarrassed how I act. I get so nervous and tongue tied. I spent all weekend going over conversations and feeling embarrassed and analysing what I’ve said anyone else feel like this or have any advice? I work in schools for context.

I’m the same and I am a manager!

Bit of imposter syndrome and feeling I’m not as good as others.

I like to think I am an approachable manager and given the amount of team members who wander in to my office to talk to me, they don’t have the same issues I do🤣

Mine definitely stems from childhood, I’m
much better than I used to be but still get moments of feeling nervous around senior managers.

@JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Recently my teenage son had an issue at school and when he went to the front office the headteacher was there manning the desk for whatever reason. DS unflinchingly approached the head and explained what the issue was and got it sorted. I love that his generation are more confident around authority figures, I'd have been a quivering wreck at his age in that situation having been surrounded with authoritarian adults where a walloping was the likely outcome of an interaction where you hadn't been perfect.

I echo this. This is me as well!!

I'm really proud of your ds for that! I wish I'd been more confident at his age and beyond

I'm like this too, op, and definitely have always felt very strange about it and questioned why others don't seem to be like this. I have very strong imposter syndrome, too. The weird thing with me is that I had a very nurturing childhood. My parents told me I was capable of anything, they actively encouraged me and my sisters to voice our opinions. There were clear boundaries, of course, but I wouldn't describe my parents as authoritarian.

I am constantly self conscious, constantly self critical. I replay incidents, conversations etc in my head and berate myself for not dealing with them better, differently. I over-analyse and don't cope well with making mistakes.

I wonder if this is an education/school thing. I had these exact feelings and they pretty much went away once I left teaching and got a “normal” 9-5. There sometimes felt like an underlying tone of threat that kept you in a state of stress (Ofsted/inspections/spot checks/learning walks/observed lessons).

Oh golly, I am the same style of manager for similar reasons. My parents meant well but always undermined my confidence and I think it stems from that!

I do get tough when I need to but I think I make myself too available and accessible, prioritising others over my own needs!

Sorry I’m not the OP but you’ve literally just summed my life and career up to a T! I’m fairly new to line management and am far too ‘nice’ to my staff and struggle to not be seen as a pushover. I’m working on it but it’s challenging!