Omg parenting is hard

[Sosmam34]

Only have one. One year old DC. Won't be having anymore.

I thought I was prepared. Waited until financially secure etc etc. Wasn't expecting rainbows and butterflies every day but omg it's relentless.

I found first six months relatively straightforward and thought i had it nailed but then they became more mobile, I went back to work full time and it's been downhill from there.

I feel sidelined at work, can't keep up with everyone's enthusiasm as I just don't really give a shit anymore. I'm there to get paid. I do condensed hours. Can't do less hours at mo, not financially viable.

I have no family nearby although one family member does come up every six weeks to help out for few days. I find myself counting down to their arrival and I'm desperate for them to move here.

This week - another nursery bug. Spent first half of week clearing up mounds of vomit from car, bed, stairs. Then baby gets better and I get it. Whole of Friday was in the bathroom, horrendous vomiting and diarrhea for 24 hours, even shat myself in bed as pelvic floor isnt what it used to be. So undignified.

Dh does his fair share, I cant complain there but hes also exhausted. He Came back from work early Friday as I couldn't physically do anything. Luckily he seems immune to the bugs and only gets them mildly.

Every day just feels like a battle with no respite. We can't wait until DC goes to sleep or has a nap so we can have some headspace. We go to bed each day by 8pm as no energy for anything after work, chores, childcare.

I've heard it might get easier when they're 3 or 4? Please tell me it does

Am I just crap at this or does everyone find it hard? I've stopped following mummy bloggers that I followed initially for tips as I can't stand their cutesy kid posts

We went for a second when dd1 was 2.5. Before then I was a firm no on having a second. I B was so prepared but felt like you (although our first 6 months were colic filled hell with a crying baby who rarely slept. I marked on the calendar the first time she slept a massive 3 hours in one go… she was 12 weeks old 😭
i enjoyed from 2 much more… got pregnant when she was 2.5… with twins. If there’s a God they have a very sick sense of humour. I felt it became easier from 4, but that might be them being in school. I love them dearly but I’m not an Instagram mum.

God yes. And the trials and the problems keep coming with the different age groups.

if it makes u feel any better. I worked with children from the age of 16. Babies , toddlers all ages. Thought I knew what it would be like and I wouldn’t feel like I knew nothing when I finally had my own when I was 25. Bad move. I struggled. I only had one because of how hard I found it. I found it incredibly lonely as well. Hugs as I know how hard it is.

My son is now 20 and I still struggle. Sorry. Don’t mean to be making u feel worse. But wanted u to realise your not on ur own and ur not doing anything wrong.

It certainly has got better for me. I hated the toddler stage but my 16yo is a dream. Hang on in there.

In my experience the biggest determinant of how easy parenting is for someone is the one factor that is rarely discussed and that is external support.

Parenting, even as a couple, is extremely difficult logistically if you have no family support. Our DS is now 3 and we haven’t had even 1 hour of family assistance with anything. If DH and I are ill we just have to struggle through. If DS is ill and can’t attend nursery we have to negotiate our working arrangements. When DS starts school we’ll likely have to drop some working hours as I’ve no idea how we will be able to cover the holidays otherwise.

Those who have regular GP childcare are in a far easier position both logistically and financially.

However it’s not all bad news!

We found that the first winter at nursery was brutal for bugs. It felt as if the 3 of us were ill for virtually an entire 6 months. The second winter was far better. I’d estimate our family illnesses dropped by at least 75% if not more so hang on in there and it should improve.

Once your DC is 3 they’ll be easier to manage albeit far more active. Once they can speak well and are toilet trained a lot of the drudgery ends and they turn into funny little characters. Just be ready for constant and I mean constant talking!

A lot of people hate the teenage stage. I love it. I feel like I’m me again and not just mum. Still trips me up sometimes but I feel better able to cope and I work ft so dh and I split it 50:50 ish - not always possible as dc are girls and sometimes want just mum but he takes mental load for certain things.

Yes it is but I'm a lone parent so expected to find it easy apparently 😒

Do people think lone parents are meant to find parenting easier? Have I misread your post? I've only ever heard how hard lone parenting is, and since having my own DC have nothing but respect for all people doing it alone. Hats of to you all 🎩

Yes they do all the time. Can't ever complain or say it's hard because get told it's easier parenting alone.

Can't say I've ever experienced this as a lone parent. People who say this probably just have useless husbands.

It gets easier. The mental weight is always there but they gain independence, get ill less frequently and are less intense. Age 3 was when it started getting easier, age 4 was when I fell in love with being a parent and did not find it such a slog. You’re doing amazing.

I second this!!

it was a firm no on a second, but she’s 2.5 now and we’re trying again. It’s much easier now in some ways. She can communicate what she wants, how she feels. She listens and enjoys things in a different way now… and is a bribable age hah!
I also don’t care about work but it’s because I’m exhausted and mentally have no capacity. It’s improving over time.

Hang in there!

I'm glad you haven't experienced it but that doesn't mean I haven't, it's said all the time and not just by those with useless husbands.

Honestly I really really struggled between the ages of 6 - 12 months. Shit employee. Shit mum. Always tired. Looked like shit.

something seemed to click when DD started walking and we made a point of going out every weekend as a family. It made all the relentless shit during the week worth it.

I completely understand and I agree that it is hard and completely exhausting. I promise it gets easier. We have one daughter who is 7 now and delightful, although there's still a lot to do. I think pretty much every day how happy and relieved I am that we didn't have a second (didn't even try). It would have broken me. Work is much more manageable and interesting now that I can engage with it more and I feel like life is reasonably well balanced. Keep going.

I think it depends on the person. I loved the age 1-2 phase, 2 was fine too, hated having a 3yo! Although having a second child suddenly makes having one child seem like a breeze so don’t discount it entirely just yet 😅

By 4 it's certainly easier. They are little people and very reasonable by then, I found.

It hasn't happened for us yet, so my opinion is probably worth it's weight in shite, but with respect, if everything was easy, life would be extremely dull and boring. Any age under about 4 years old, they will be a challenge because they lack the skills to communicate, at that age it's entirely up to you to figure out how they are feeling and what's wrong with them, if anything. Their immune systems are still developing, their social skills don't exist and, frankly, they are little drunken barbarians. I can only imagine how hard it must be, but they will get better as they get older. Then you'll get to the crazy, hormonal teenage years. You'll be okay, everything will be alright.

Once they can communicate well, it does become easier. DD learned baby sign language and had 50 signs at 12 months so was much easier then DS who stubbornly only seemed to learn about 4 🙄.

I love them both but agree I think it way easier for those who have even some outside help occasionally. Do yourself a favour and sign them up for scouts/beavers as early as possible if your luckily you will have a new squirrels unit local and they can start from 4. As they can go on camp. We have even managed a few weekends without both of them when they have done district events (not that I don't really love them but it is nice to get the odd break as no grandparents to take them). Helps them build their own independence as well.