To tell him no

[Anon543210]

So here's a new one so I've posted on here before about my partner and we are good but there is 1 little thing that has been niggling me for a while now.
Bit of a back story just for context my partner is 44 years old now and when he was younger like much younger he did the whole getting involved with drugs thing I'm talking cocaine plus other things again this was when he was much younger before I even knew him when he was with his ex who is the mother of his children. Now this caused him tooth loss because of all the gurning whilst on drugs.
He keeps going on about wanting to go to Turkey and get his mouth sorted out and wants me to help put money towards it with his wages aswell.
Now here is where it annoys me again I wasn't with him back then didn't even know him and he was not too young he didn't know what he was doing.
I know people make mistakes in life but I have never done drugs and have my full set of teeth and I don't see why I should help fund something that he basically did to himself. I don't see him asking his ex to help pay after all she was doing the drugs with him back then and I would never dream of asking him to help fund me with something that is my own fault. I just feel like mate you made your choices now you need to pay for it. I'm actually sick of him bringing it up now I have no problem him saving up and paying for himself if that's what he wants to do but I am on long term sickness benefits due to ill health myself and quite frankly without trying to sound heartless haven't got the energy to deal with someone else's mistakes they made when I didn't even know them.
Aibu to flat out refuse to help pay towards this because I feel like I'm being made to feel I'm in the wrong here like I said he works full time doesn't have many Outgoings no childcare costs as his kids are all adults now like I said I don't mind if he wants to go to Turkey and have his teeth done I just don't want to be funding something that has nothing to do with me and I honestly feel like telling him go ask ya ex for the money obviously I won't say that to him but I'm starting to get a bit annoyed with it all as I would never expect for him to pay for something for me that happened many years before he met me and something I did to myself.
Sorry for the long post and thank you if you got this far.

I am so sorry your poor daughter is so ill and also your dad too.

But what have I just read

To answer a couple of questions yes we do live together and he does help me with money for food shopping but I pay gas electric water rent shortfall all other bills
But also he is a big lad he eats a hell of a lot more than me so that's why on his payday he gives me money towards the food shop.

Are you seriously telling us that he only pays towards the food shop and no other bills and now he wants your other money off you? I have no idea why you would put up with this.

Why are you effectively supporting someone who has a job and an income?

lol complaining to his mum... perhaps his mummy sponsor his new teeth

His whinging sounds like the same kind of self-obsessed trait that made coke his drug to such a gurning, tooth-destroying extreme. You need to say one last no and he needs to accept it or get the full force of your 'piss off'.

I had initially been going to say that with your long-term health issues, if he's a real partner then you might need more give and take as no doubt he'll be supporting you at points. But given your updates, with what's going on with your DD and dad, you do not need his pathetic self-pitying pressurising. Plus you're supporting him with your benefits anyway, which I do not understand. It doesn't sound like a good deal the way your finances are set up and the fact that he still wants more of your money is deeply selfish. His teeth are his to fund. His mum can chip in if she's so invested. You have enough to deal with.

You'd better advise him to save a bit extra for the private dental care he will need, once he comes back from Turkey and realises they've done a shitty job.

Sounds like a cocklodger if he only pays for the food only he eats,

He's a user.
He doesn't pay his full way living together and wants your money to fix his teeth?
User loser.

You're already financially supporting him, even though he had more money than you. A partner living with you should pay proportionate living expenses, not just something towards food.

He's been freeloading from you for a long time, my lovely, and whilst you're waiting for your dad and your daughter to die, his priority is needling you to pay for his fucking teeth rather than unconditionally love and support you. In fact, he's probably using your vulnerability to his advantage, which is appalling.

I make no apologies for being blunt here. Often, when you're in the midst of something it's hard to see the bigger picture as these things don't just happen overnight.

If you met him now, rather than eleven years ago, would you want him or be attracted to him? Please think on this.

Oh OP I am so sorry about your dad and wish you lots of love and support with your daughter. I cannot imagine how it feels to have a child with a terminal illness, so you are an incredibly strong woman.

But as @Mabelface says, you are being taken advantage of by this rubbish boyfriend. There's too much noise in your head right now for you to see clearly what sort of man he is. Please don't pay for his horrible Turkey teeth, and think about breaking down the household bills so that you both pay a fair share of them according to your income.

Don't pay for his dental bills Op, he caused the problem, he needs to solve it. He's already taking the piss, he works, you can't, and yet he's happy to live off you, that doesn't sound like a decent man to me, and no decent man would be pressuring you when you have terminally ill family.
I'm sorry things are so hard for you now, you must be deeply stressed and worried @Anon543210

Why is he not contributing half of the household bills? Why do you think that is fair and acceptable?

He is already abusing and using you financially and keeps pestering you for more.

He isn't a good man, very far from it.

I'd suggest dumping him tbh but at a minimum show him how much he SHOULD be paying if it was even stevens and tell him to stop asking you for even MORE money off you when you already subsidise him heavily.

Sorry to hear about your daughter and dad, I hope you get the most out of the time you all have left 💐

I am laughing a bit at the " most people have done drugs at some point" comment.

If most people you know have done drugs at some point you need to re-evaluate your life.

He just sounds like another cocklodger/user

Yup plus there's a difference between smoking a joint or whatever in your twenties and being an addict with impacts to the point it's wrecked your teeth. Sounds vile.

I don't think that's the case. I think it's around half - this says 40% but fair to assume not everyone will admit it - https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/40280-yougov-big-survey-drugs-recreational-drugs
Most people I know have had some kind of experience with drugs if only a spliff as a student. Very few carry on doing so beyond their 20s. It's really not a reason for someone to re-evaluate their life in the vast majority of cases.

yes we do live together and he does help me with money for food shopping but I pay gas electric water rent shortfall all other bills. But also he is a big lad he eats a hell of a lot more than me so that's why on his payday he gives me money towards the food shop.

oh how kind of him to pay towards his own food bill. And let me guess his pay day is Universal Credit / other benefits, not from actually working. Throw him back in the sea.

Why the fuck is he not paying his share of rent and bills?

And he has the audacity to pester you for more money, and butch about you as you care for your terminally ill daughter and father?

Why is this man in your life?

The vast majority of people I grew up with (I’m now 52) did drugs to one extent or another, DB started on weed at 14/15. I actually didn’t do drugs until I was 24 for a few years and that was only because I went clubbing.

I do know a few others of a similar age who I know never touched drugs as it didn’t interest them or their careers would’ve been impacted by it. And then there were other people who drank and took some sort of herbal pill as they thought it gave them a legal high similar to drugs.

I'd call this the natural consequences of his actions.

Yes, it's taken a long time to catch up with him. But he should be considering himself lucky that a gammy mouth is the extent of his long-term problems.

As long as you're content to continue looking at his ugly teeth, then it's really not your problem. Keep saying no.

Why do you pay for (practically) everything in the first place?

And now the cocklodger wants to scrounge even more money from you!!

Why do you enable him? He's a grown man, not a teenager.

Are you 'buying' him, because you're afraid he will leave you?

I think you have enough on your plate with your dad and your daughter without him behaving like a spoilt brat, telling on you to mummy. If he wants this he needs to cut down on other spending and save up for it x

Why would you or his ex have any obligation to pay for his drug wrecked gob? His choice. Found plenty of money for the coke didn’t he?

If you’re paying the rent & bills and he’s oh-so-kindly giving you a pittance towards the food he eats, where is the rest of his money going?

I’ve just read your other threads. Guy is an arsehole OP and you’re begging him to marry you.

(you say you’re downsizing to a 1 bed flat in one of them - where is your daughter living?)