Am I actually in the wrong here?

[Whatnlw]

If I am please be gentle. There’s a bit of background between me and my parents but for the last few years things have been ok.

I have a two year old, work full time and am essentially a lone parent (ex sees dd but it’s rare).

I don’t like to leave dd when I am not at work. She goes to nursery and my one day off in the week and weekends is my only real time with her. I take her to see my parents at least once, often twice a week, we stay for around 3 hours, 9 to 12 ish usually.

A huge row has erupted today because I said I didn’t want to leave dd with them as I like to spend my time with her when I’m not working. I also said once a week would be preferable and when she drops her nap I will stay longer in the day than just the morning. I’ve said when she’s bigger maybe she can stay on her own with them
but I am not ready for that yet.

Apparently I am unreasonable not leaving her with them and it’s not long enough to see her twice a week. I feel totally stretched as it is with work and just want to have my own schedule and be left alone. My sibling doesn’t like to go to their house with my niece and so they meet somewhere, they also complain about that too. I add that for context that it’s not just me who seems to argue with them

They are good grandparents, dd loves time with them but AIBU to have the time like this and to want to be around? I’m getting so sick of being told I am unreasonable and now I’m starting to wonder if i actually am

Twice a week is loads! I see my parents once a fortnight and that’s just right for us, it’s also ok if one side needs to cancel so there’s a lot less pressure.

Stand your ground.

You have every right to want to spend time with your dd, @Whatnlw - I can understand why doting grandparents would want as much time as possible with their grandchild - I’m a granny myself - but I know that what matters most is my granddaughter’s relationship with her parents.

You are not unreasonable to not do anything you are not comfortable with.

I honestly feel like I can’t win. I’m just trying to keep everyone happy and some weeks I would love to just be left alone… I still go over and I still make time for them without fail. I don’t know what more I am supposed to do. I don’t leave dd anywhere apart from nursery so it’s not specific to them and I have said in time I will get used to the idea but not yet.

Your DC, your decision. If you trust your parents to look after and be nice to your DC when you’re not there, though, it could work well for you to have some DC-free time when not at work and without paying for childcare.

You are not at all!!!
I would tell them if they start making conflict and fuss about it, they will see you all less not more - and follow through with that
they are being controlling, ridiculous and not understanding your situation at all. They could be helpful and supportive but instead they are making themselves more like a burden and obligation.
Actually, you are the one with the power here so just don’t pander to it at all.
if they keep doing this and making you feel shit then step back. That may be a more effective way for them to learn

Would they be open to looking after your DD one day when you’re at work? Save on nursery fees/more time with family for your DD and you’ll probably feel less pressured to spend time with them on your day off as they’ll have seen your DD already so you can relax a bit x