DDs friend homeless

[BarbieKenough]

DD is 22.

One of her school friends has told her she is homeless. Her landlord decided to sell the flat she was living in, she moved in with her sister and her sister wanted her out and now is sofa surfing/spending some nights on the street.

Obviously I realise there may be a massive backstory- but her mum doesn’t know, she doesn’t want her mum to know because “she has enough going on”.

I would have her stay here but concerned there is something going on and have young DC.

AIBU to message her mum and make her aware?

Totally unreasonable! Breaking your daughter's confidence and possibly screwing up their friendship

Tell her mum. Her dd is at serious risk of sexual assault sleeping rough.

20 year olds still need guidance.

There probably is a huge backstory that you don’t know about but she shouldn’t be sleeping rough and her mum should know

Has she made contact with her local council and let them know she is homeless. Also any youth organisations in your area. We have the Zone but I am unsure if they are nationwide. Has she tried to rent a room as surely she got her deposit back when evicted?

She urgently needs to get in touch with her local council to say she’s rough sleeping. They will sort her out with some emergency accommodation until she can find a more stable solution.

She s an adult
Point her to council services
You don't know why she does not want her parent informed

And contact street sleeper organisations in your area if you know where she is sleeping on street they can approach her and know how to do so sensitively like St mungos

You don't know what her relationship is like with her mum

I'd help her contact the local council. She would be a priority for support

Do not tell her Mum, she is a 20 year old woman and has her reasons for not wanting her to know.
Under no circumstances break this confidence.

She’s under 21 she should be entitled to a space in a hostel she needs to physically turn up at your local council offices with all her belongings and they’ll have to help her. Don’t mention it to her parents and she must have her reasons not to involve them. Could you drive her to the local council on Monday?

There may be a very good reason why she hasn't told her mum - please don't break her confidence.

I would signpost her to official help - either from the council or a homeless charity for young people.

Not in our area they won't. If you are 16 and over and not in full time school there is no emergency help.

I went through this with a friend. She got a place in a woman's hostel eventually but took about 6 months.

But please don't tell her mum. If anything like my friend her mum was the opposite of supportive and when she finds out just made things worse for my friend.

This isn't true. My friend was 20. The council wouldn't help her.

She only got help through a charity but took about 6 months.

She had been a LAC too who are meant to get help until 25 but there was no help.

For those saying she is 20 or under 21, OP has said she is 22. RTFT.

I don't think you should speak to her mum unless you know their relationship.

the first question you should be asking is why hasn’t she just rented other student accommodation? I would be worried you don’t have the full story. Letting her stay with you could be a very bad idea.

i told my parents nothing about my life if I could avoid it with good reason. My father was abusive and used every opportunity to hurt me.

her parents may be awful. Or she may be hiding the real reason she is homeless from them.

I’d tell her mum. Sounds like she’s angling to stay with you.

I wouldn’t tell mum. Why is she sleeping rough rather than staying at mum’s house???

Help her get in touch with the council and a local homeless charity who can help. I would be tempted to offer her to stay over even with young DC if you have the room. Just set some ground rules if you think there are any substance misuse issues. Nothing is going to happen in your house.

Thank you everyone!

DD came to me to ask if I would want to know. We have had our ups and downs but ultimately if my daughter was homeless I would want to know

I don’t think she’s angling to stay here, DD messaged her out the blue they hadn’t spoken for a good while.

I don’t want her to fall out with DD, I appreciate there is probably a back story but our town isn’t the best, rife with drugs and I’m scared what will happen to her.

Yes you would be unreasonable to tell mum you don't know what has happened and when the parental relationship has broken down like this it is sometimes due to abuse.

Is the friend studying at uni or working? If at uni, most have hardship funding and will house a homeless student.

Why can’t she rent somewhere new? Assuming she was paying rent before since you refer to a landlord.

I understand you mean well but she's an adult who has left home, and you have no right to be reporting her business to her mother, especially when she's expressly said it's what she doesn't want to happen.
You don't know what the truth of the situation is, and she's an adult making adult decisions about an adult situation, not a child gone off the rails.
The 'got enough going on' may refer to trouble she's caused at home or while staying at her sisters, among other things, but whatever it is she's made an active decision that her mother knowing isn't going to make her situation better.
Not meant unpleasantly; who are you with no knowledge of what's going on, to decide to remove her autonomy?
Ask her what you can do to help her if you're worried about her, not do something to just make you feel better that may have unintended consequences.