to want to scream and give up?

[Friendshipover5]

I don’t really know why I’m posting but I feel so overwhelmed, I’ve been crying half the day.

I call myself a single parent although my partner lives with us, no shared children just DD. Contact with her dad is meant to be 50/50 but rarely is. I’m a small business owner, an online shop, so constantly promoting, creating, and packing orders. If I don’t promote, sales drop to about half they do otherwise.

Probably stupidly we have 5 animals, meaning we hoover, mop and dust every single day. Also minimum one load of washing every day.

I feel so overwhelmed I feel like I just collapse on weekends. We go out maybe once a month, otherwise we spend the whole weekend at home, pottering around and gardening.

DD has no clubs or hobbies other than crafting. She can’t swim, she did lessons for a year and hated them. She’s done gymnastics and dance also, but I don’t have the energy to force her to go and keep spending money I can’t spare on things she hates. I’ve bought her bikes, taken her out on them but she has no care for learning. She’s very clever and ahead at school in most of her lessons, but doesn’t want to do much else.

DD is here every weekend, her Dad maybe has her one day a weekend a month. Never takes her anywhere, never has taken her on holiday, never takes her shopping, everything falls on my shoulders.

business doesn’t earn a huge amount, partner earns minimum wage, we earn just enough for no outside help and pretty much everything goes on rent, bills and food. I can’t afford a few day holiday to the UK this year.

Partner helps a lot with the house when he’s home, but as he’s out the house 5 days a week at work most of it falls on my shoulders.

There is a never ending to-do list running through my head, and it all becomes too much and I just freeze. I’ve been sat here for almost two hours trying to hoover, along the way I discover some other mess and I want to give up.

How am I meant to get this any easier and stop overthinking so much? I’m struggling to sleep and have had bruxism for years.

It's not about too much cleaning per say. It is to do with cleaning up after them is time that would be better spent doing activities with DD

I think you are being unreasonable.

You made a choice to get five animals.

You made a choice to partner with someone who only earns a minimum wage.

Get rid of the animals. It is absolutely ridiculous to have so many animals when you’re a single mother who doesn’t earn well.

Came to say this

agree with @Yourfutureselfwillthankyou robovac with mop, if your budget is doable; e.g. this is £107.99@Friendshipover5

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vactidy-T7-Schedule-Watertank-Self-Charging/dp/B0C5T19JQX

There we go, again. Get lots of pets, then just discard like old toys. Again and again. Knowing that refuges are full, and have to pts in many cases, or have very poor conditions. Just sick.

I have zero plans to ever “get rid” of my animals. I’ve had some of them since my early 20s and it isn’t happening at all. Thank you to everyone who commented with the helpful advice regarding organisation and cleaning! A robot hoover is definitely going straight to the top of my wish list!

You're overwhelmed because your partner isn't pulling his weight. It doesn't matter if he works 5 days a week, that's a normal about to work, and you work too. He needs to do half the housework.

You've somehow ended up with an extra manchild to look after.

But also - lower your standards a bit. You don't have to hoover and mop every day.

I would definitely at least look into CMS if your daughter's dad is only having her once a month. Obviously it depends what he earns, but could make a big difference. I know it's not always easy to claim and people can hide money, but it might well be an effort worth making.

I would also check carefully as to whether you're entitled to anything else via universal credit.

Nobody should be claiming UC if they have animals unless it's an assistance animal. I am disgusted my taxes go toward people keeping animals.
I know I will get a reply saying ah but my pets only cost £10 a month. But if you cut benefits by £10 a month there is always uproar.

Oh do be quiet.

Fucking hell they're out in force tonight.

What about a robot mop and hoover OP? Sounds like your dd might enjoy pottering at home with the animals over clubs. I'd keep the animals and see if there's some way to make the business a bit less effort.

You say DD is really clever - that’s great. Sounds like you tried lots of activities but she’s not been that keen. How about joining her up to the local library and then she can read and learn to her heart’s content and is out the house sometimes and entertained.
Sounds like DD’s dad could help out a lot more. Could you try to get some sort of court agreement so he has her every other weekend (if she would want to go).
Call your local CA - they can do a benefits check and see if you are getting all you are entitled to. This could maybe lighten the load a little bit.

I have a dog that moults but I only hoover once a week. Not sure why the dog hairs are such a problem. Our house is not a tip BTW .

Behave!

I think you have to leave your DD to it. I was brought up in a low income family home. My parents could not afford classes or school visits etc. They never pushed me to do anything.

They were very loving and that's what really matter.

I feel the financial burden too. It get me so down and I feel it also heavy on my heart. It's so stressful not having money I feel like disappearing.

She’s 9, so definitely capable of helping more but I don’t have the energy to argue with her about it, so I get on with it.

There's no need for an arguement about it. Pick ONE chore and ask her to do it each week, the same one. It will take time for it to come second nature for her to do it but she will get there and it will get easier. At first you'll have to supervise her. You have to look at the bigger picture. Put the work in now and you'll get the pay off later.

I second the robot hoover advice - read the reviews to make sure it's good at dealing with pet fur. We have a roomba and I love it. Does your DD get pocket money? Can you make it conditional around doing some small tasks around the house?

Why are you doing 7+ washes for three people every week? Why does most stuff fall on your shoulders because your partner works five days oer week - this is normal.

Could you be getting CMS from DD’s dad?

I would never have got them in the first place but if they’re causing all that much cleaning and OP can’t cope, then she needs to consider her options.

Thank you, that’s a really good idea. There’s one fairly near to our house, in walking distance anyway. I usually just buy her books in charity shops, but she hates going in them so I’ve always gone alone.

He could really help more, and I feel like that’s why I feel overwhelmed, it’s the mental load of it all. Every dentist/drs appointment, everything to do with school, all the clothes she needs, I’m the only one to ever take her out and have her most weekends. He won’t do 50/50 where it’s one week on and one week off because of work, and also says he’s expected to work at least one weekend day a week, apparently never gets a full weekend off which I find hard to believe.

She did, I set up a go Henry account so there’s tasks she can do to earn her pocket money. She wasn’t doing any of them and complaining that she wasn’t getting money so I gave up with it, it just sits empty now 😕 she has matured quite a lot in the last year though so I think I’ll set it back up again today so she can tick off her tasks on her iPad.