To feel sad DD left out of party

[2024m]

My DD’s classmate has a birthday party today and seems like most of the class is invited plus kids from the other class are invited too (2 form entry primary school). I only found out as a mum from other class said yesterday “see u tomorrow” I asked what she meant and she said it’s X’s party. I wouldn’t usually dwell on it but the venue happens to be right on our street! The birthday mum knows this as been to a party at our home last year So have lots of other parents. I feel sad for DD as she might see people coming or going and will see the birthday decorations and realise it’s her birthday. I have no idea what time it is either but planning to take DD out for most of the day.

I would have sent her a message saying "Hi, I hear X is having a birthday party on X date, and Y is a little sad that she wasn't invited. Is there a reason for this?"

How would you feel receiving a text from a friend saying, "Hi, I hear you're having a barbecue this afternoon, and I'm a little sad that I'm not invited. Is there a reason for this?"

I can see that stopping…

Good for you for taking your daughter out so she’s not around when her classmates show up at a house only a few doors away.

Please don’t ask her why your child wasn’t invited as that is mega weird.

OP - it’s shit but it happens- my two haven’t been invited to many many parties but they now get that not everyone CAN be invited. It’s a lesson to learn.

Did you miss the part where they live on the same street as well as go to the same school?? At 6, they should be more inclusive and the parents should be doing that. Fine when they’re 10 or 11 but at 6, to say that they get to pick who to invite, I’m not sure I’m buying that.

Maybe they’re just not as close as you think and the birthday child wanted other children there instead? Friendships at this age are still quite fluid. Regardless of whether you live in the same street it doesn’t mean they have to invite them. For all you know there is a limit on numbers. DD chose not to invite everyone whose party she has been to this year for the simple reason we were only inviting 12 and she wanted her closest friends there.

Reciprocal invites has to depend on the size of the party. A child who has a party for six at home cannot be expected to invite everyone who had a "whole class" party at the expense of their best friends.

DD had one invite from a child who didn't really like her, even bullying her at times. I know that DD's invite was issued much later than others; the party was at half-term and she'd obviously been invited to make up numbers because a lot of people were away. I don't think anyone was expecting a reciprocal invite in that case. I suppose we could have declined the invite, but the fact that it was issued suggests that mum was anxious to have enough children there to make it fun, even if they were classmates rather than friends.

I just to worry about all this, now I realise it's the kids with shared interests who seem to go to each others parties. Some of my son's class are in the same football team and they're always the ones invited to smaller parties.

It's really crap. But as others have said if she's been given a number of kids to invite goes that mean she's closer to them.

I totally understand though.

My DDs grew out of certain friendships they had Dor 4-5 years but I still made sure they invited them if they were part of a friendship group.

I agree with this.

I just think you shouldn’t accept an invite knowing fully well you won’t reciprocate in the future! Without being too identifying it is no where near 30 kids in a class! It’s a very small class and 2 of them in year group. She could easily have invited DD, like we did. It’s nicer weather than it was for my DD and the gardens on this street are not lacking in size.

Why though? Friendships can change between parties? So we’ve not invited 2 girls to DD’s party tomorrow as we could only have 12 so were unable to reciprocate. The parties they had were 25 max…

But as PP said I need to let this go. My DD is not that upset. She did mention is briefly this morning as the kids were talking about the party yesterday in school. I think I’m more upset.

The difference is these are children and the mother should be kinder and more inclusive. She should be ashamed of herself upsetting a 6 year old.

I have a six year old. It’s within their abilities to understand that not everyone can be invited to everything, and that it’s rude to question why. OP has done everything right.

This woman really doesn’t need to feel ashamed of herself if all she’s done is arranged a party for her child including the children she and her child wanted to attend. Neither we nor the OP have insight into why they invited x and not y.

Agreed. I had an aunt that did this type of stuff. Please OP do not make yourself look like a fool by asking.

I've begun to hate the word inclusive, not everyone can be included in everything and that's OK.
For whatever reason she didn't want to invite your daughter, it doesn't mean she hates her, or you, perhaps there's just other children she plays with more.
Stop obsessing and get on with your life.
Or alternatively, make sure you ignore the other Mum, never invite her child to anything ever again, console your daughter from this terribly huge thing and to make sure she knows just how bad it was, plan a massive treat to make up for it, and then tell the other child allllll about it.
Repeat with every party she's not invited to for the next 12 years.

It's mean when 1 or 2 are excluded from whole class parties- but it doesn't sound like this.

I wouldn't pay too much heed.

I'd rather my child be invited for the 'right' reasons IE that the birthday child wants them there.

It will be ok. It stings a bit - but you can't change it.

OP suggests her 6 year old is actually not that bothered.

"Inclusive" is all very well, but unless the party can take limitless numbering, including OP's DD would likely mean excluding another child. (Just waiting for the MN thread where a poster is wondering why her DD didn't get invited to a close friend's party whereas less close friend who just happens to live down the road, did).

I'd be either mortified that the invitation had got lost, or I'd explain why the child wasn't invited.

They're good friends so the lack of invite is unexpected. If it was a small party not a class party, or someone my child didn't get on with then of course I wouldn't send such a message, but that's not the case here.

This happened with my DD. 5 girls in the class and they invited all the girls apart from my daughter and it happened over several years so not just a one off. I would never do that. I can't understand some adults at times. Sorry you and your daughter are going through this. If your quite sure your daughter is the only one left out I'd be tempted to text her.

"Hi meanparent, my dd has heard there is a party tomorrow and seems whole class is going? I just didn't want you thinking I'd been rude and not gotten back to you if paper invites were given out and has become misplaced! Just checking if there is an invite for dd as I will dash out and buy a present! Although if it's just a numbers issue then I will let dd know. Hope the party goes well either way, I'm sure you'll be looking forward to a glass of wine once its all done and dusted - 2024m xx"

I've done something similar myself after reading similar advice on here as their dd was telling my dd she was invited and that I hadn't responded to invite - so my own dd was upset at me! Turns out my DD was never invited. Ridiculous.

is it everyone in the class bar dd? Could the invite have gone astray?

This message is good

But it's polite to accept an invitation? How would you feel if no one came to DDs party? You wouldn't be angry about people reciprocating then you would just be really sad for your dad.

In my days at primmary schol etc we had now of this stuff, thankfully - ie all these birthday parties

it could be op the child does not get on with your DD

We too as grandparents now worry about stuff like this

its the parents fault - IMO at this age they should invite every kid and those that could not make it or want to go could decline

It’s life, there will be lots of parties your DD won’t be invited to.