To find life easier when DD isnt here

[UpandDown91]

DD9 is on a waiting list for an autism assessment

She is currently on holiday with my sister and I feel so guilty at how much of a nice, peaceful time we are having without her. It's just me, DD9 and DS7.

DS hasnt cried or been hurt for days, we've been on time to school every single day because DD isnt keeping the whole house awake till silly o clock, I'm not on edge listening out for potential arguments, fights, not having to monitor her moods and emotions,

Not worrying I'll get a phone call from school ect

She can be so lovely and I enjoy spending time with her, shes very funny, caring and creative and it's only whenever she goes on holiday & I get a break ( once a year ) that I remember how easy and calm life is when it's just me and DS 😭

I feel horrible admitting that to myself and saying it out loud, but its true. It is so draining. My family do not live locally to us so it's just us 3, fled DV 7 years ago so no involvement from dad either.

I've slept great while shes not been here and I feel physically lighter. I feel bad for feeling like this and at the same time I'm upset that some parts of praising her are so incredibly difficult. My DS is such an easy child and he has numerous issues, and, dyspraxia, dysgraphia ect. He needs help getting dressed and bathing everyday yet it's still been 10 x easier it just being us 2.

I miss her but at the same time, I half wish she didnt have to come home. And that's just awful isnt it

I think it's a normal emotion and many parents think this, and they're not even lone parents. I highly doubt anyone really wants it as a permanent arrangement though.

You probably just need a break. Lone parent, fled DV, child with special needs - sounds tough. You need to go easy on yourself.

Hopefully you'll get another break soon and that will help you cope with some of these normal emotions.

Isn't that normal? I am a lone parent to 4 and I never get a break from any of them but if one is at home from school due to sickness which is rare then I can't help but feel how much easier it is when there's just one here so I can fully imagine feeling this way if I was every lucky enough to have anyone take them to give me a break.

Autism doesn’t even come into it….life is always gonna be ‘easier’ when dependant children are away

You can love your child so so so much but not love the lifestyle that comes with looking after them. (I'm a toddler mum here and this is me?)