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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU The second hand sofa debacle

19 replies

Aliciainwunderland · 08/06/2024 09:20

This happened long ago but It recently popped in my head and I have long wondered who was unreasonable.

over 10 years ago I bought my first flat in London. A friend, let’s call him Ben, offered to sell me his sofas as he was getting new ones. I agreed and even agreed to his suggested price. He asked if I could pay for them at the time as it would help him out with buying the new sofas. Ben and his wife Amy were expecting a baby so I was aware they had a lot of expenses coming up so I agreed.

a few weeks later I was arranging moving vans and contacted Ben to suggest I pick up the sofas on the same day as the move as I had a van. He said i couldn’t have the sofas until 8 weeks after I moved as he needed to wait for their new sofas arrived. I was a bit miffed as this hadn’t been mentioned at the time - but as I had a tenant moving into I needed sofas so I suggested he gave me the money back and I would get something temporary. I fully promised to commit to buying and paying the full price for the sofas once they were ready. He refused saying they had spent the money on their new sofas. By this point I was quite angry and felt I was getting the raw end of the deal. Had he sold to a stranger he would not have been able to ask for the whole amount upfront so felt I was being taken advantage of.

In the end I had to concede to everything as I had no choice but the friendship was done for me. I arranged for a van to come on the same day they were having their sofas delivered and was told a few days before that if Amy went into Labour we would have to cancel. By that point I was really angry as the van was non refundable. Ben did eventually agree to pay the van fee if they had to cancel.

Ben and Amy moved abroad a couple of years later and so I didn’t see him for many years. A few years later he came back for a mutual friends wedding, him and Amy having divorced by this point, and we patched things up and consider it very much water under the bridge. I even sent him a photo of the sofas being carted off when we eventually replaced them!

but… who was unreasonable? I maintain it wasnt me but since having my own baby I do understand it can be a pretty emotional time.

OP posts:
Aliciainwunderland · 08/06/2024 09:28

To clarify, the tenant was my room mate so I was living in the flat as well. I was charging her rent on a fully furnished flat so I would have felt compelled to offer her a discount on rent had their not been sofas.

OP posts:
Roundroundthegarden · 08/06/2024 09:32

They were UR to not tell you that it wasn't available for 8weeks. So what if they were having a baby, new sofas aren't a priority if money was tight. They both did take advantage of you I think.

Aliciainwunderland · 08/06/2024 09:33

Also to clarify. At the time Ben probably earnt double my salary. If not more. Amy did not work and had not worked since they got together.

OP posts:
Roundroundthegarden · 08/06/2024 09:34

They both took advantage of you.

mightydolphin · 08/06/2024 09:39

It seems like common sense that a heavily pregnant woman isn't going to give up her sofa prior to the new one arriving. I would have confirmed their plans prior to handing money over.

If you didn't want to pay them ahead of time, then you should have said. I don't see that paying ahead of time would allow you to dictate when you can have the sofas.

It's poor planning on your part IMO. I wouldn't buy a sofa under these circumstances unless it was a brilliant deal and worth the wait.

msbevvy · 08/06/2024 09:41

He was massively unreasonable messing you around like that. If he had sold the sofas elsewhere he would have had to give them to the buyer when they handed the money over.

He took you for a mug. I can't imagine charging a friend for second hand sofas that I would otherwise probably had to pay to have taken away.

iamtheblcksheep · 08/06/2024 09:43

Cheeky fuckers. Them not you. You’re more forgiving than me.

Aliciainwunderland · 08/06/2024 09:44

Agree it was poor planning on everyone’s part but in my defence it was my first flat buying experience so had never really considered timelines of how long it takes to get furniture as i honestly didn’t know.

however once I realised, I feel the reasonable solution for all was to give me the money back until they were ready to exchange. I think the other annoying thing was they took the money and then delayed on buying the sofas so that stretched the timeline. Hadn’t realised their sofas hadn’t been purchased yet when I agree to the sale and paid the money.

dont feel i was ‘dictating’ more that I was a situation of give and take and I got nothing in my favour.

OP posts:
Roundroundthegarden · 08/06/2024 09:45

mightydolphin · 08/06/2024 09:39

It seems like common sense that a heavily pregnant woman isn't going to give up her sofa prior to the new one arriving. I would have confirmed their plans prior to handing money over.

If you didn't want to pay them ahead of time, then you should have said. I don't see that paying ahead of time would allow you to dictate when you can have the sofas.

It's poor planning on your part IMO. I wouldn't buy a sofa under these circumstances unless it was a brilliant deal and worth the wait.

You have it wrong. Op waited a few weeks already, then was told to wait a further 8. What does being pregnant have to do with anything?? They were happy to take her money right then and there.

mightydolphin · 08/06/2024 09:48

Roundroundthegarden · 08/06/2024 09:45

You have it wrong. Op waited a few weeks already, then was told to wait a further 8. What does being pregnant have to do with anything?? They were happy to take her money right then and there.

They asked for the money early, OP could have said no. I would have.

Ahhhhhbisto · 08/06/2024 09:49

He was being unreasonable to not state all the facts to begin with. You say sofas..could you not have had one each for a few weeks?

AlohaRose · 08/06/2024 09:50

Who actually cares about this “many years” later? It sounds like Ben barely counts as a friend anymore.

Aliciainwunderland · 08/06/2024 09:50

mightydolphin · 08/06/2024 09:48

They asked for the money early, OP could have said no. I would have.

Your right, I could have said no but me in my 20s was far more of a walkover than me later in life. It’s the curse of being a a people pleaser. To be honest, I felt rail roaded into paying. No way would I fall for the same thing again!

OP posts:
Aliciainwunderland · 08/06/2024 09:51

Ahhhhhbisto · 08/06/2024 09:49

He was being unreasonable to not state all the facts to begin with. You say sofas..could you not have had one each for a few weeks?

ahh I forgot that part…. I also suggested that and was told no as she was pregnant she needed a whole sofa to herself and then he would have no where. They did offer me a dining room chair

OP posts:
Aliciainwunderland · 08/06/2024 09:53

AlohaRose · 08/06/2024 09:50

Who actually cares about this “many years” later? It sounds like Ben barely counts as a friend anymore.

Well you cared enough to post. Honestly it is so in the past but was looking at new sofas and thinking of getting rid of the current ones and it popped in my head. I felt very gaslit at the time - mainly by Amy that I was very unreasonable.

OP posts:
Snappers3 · 08/06/2024 09:55

Ben was a complete CF and dishonest to boot.
He took advantage of you.
No way would that be under my bridge!

Bunnyasmyname · 08/06/2024 09:59

I agree with @Snappers3@Snappers3

WhamBamThankU · 08/06/2024 10:04

I don't think anything you did was wrong. He deceived you and took your money.

DeadbeatYoda · 08/06/2024 10:54

He was U. Hugely so. He could never have got away with that with a stranger. Absolute piss take.

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