To buy a gift for someone I don't know

[LilacCatt]

Hello

Sometimes I struggle judging what is socially normal behaviour.

My friend can't meet with me today because her friend (let's call her Sally) is staying with her in an emergency circumstance.

I have never met Sally but apparently she got involved with a man recently who turned physical and attacked her. Hence she is staying with my friend for a short while.

When I heard this I felt so sad for Sally although I have never met her.

Is it weird if I buy Sally a bunch of flowers and a little note to say I don't know her but if she is a friend of my friend then she must be a good person, and she deserves good things and good people in her life. And leave that with my friend for Sally?

Is that okay? Is that weird? I just feel really bad for her and I don't want to just not do anything about it 😕

Don't feel bad OP, you clearly have a kind heart and mean well.

You were unsure so got a second (or a few dozen!) opinions and now understand it would likely be unwelcome as she would feel she was being discussed with strangers. You've taken that on board and now won't do it. You dealt with it perfectly, I'd say!

Hope she is OK and I'm glad she has your friend to support her.

saw your update . It’s fine to ask don’t feel bad or anything you did everything wright by checking first. the point is don’t talk about Sally’s situation unless Sally will mention it herself.

There's really no need to feel bad! You weren't sure, so you asked the question and you've taken the answers on board.

You sound like a really nice person, and your intentions were kind and generous - it's really only the privacy aspect re. the friend that's an issue, so don't feel bad at all.

Don't feel bad @LilacCatt You sound like a lovely kind soul. And you did the right thing asking for advice! I would have. I get things a little 'wrong' sometimes (socially,) and so will often ask someone 'should I....?'

It was a nice thought.

@LilacCatt

font feel bad! You're a lovely person with a good heart. It's not your fault that in England we have so many weird cultural norms. In other countries/cultures this would be a good thing.

Id want to do the same as you, but know how most people would react to it (and to be honest, if I was the friend I'd probably feel like our mutual friend had betrayed me by telling you, so I see both sides)

I have friends - the mother, her daughter & the daughter's ex MIL ITS USUALLY OK, but sometimes I end up not knowing if I'm supposed to know something or not about one of them, it gets complicated & I never tell any of them anything without expecting them to tell the others. Our Culture can be very complicated.

Dont stop being you 💐 but no harm asking here if you're unsure. It may pay to say you're autistic in your first post to stop some of the unpleasant posts xx

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway it would be a much better thing if we were ALL more like you & @LilacCatt much simpler than our British Cultural norms!!

You shouldn't feel bad, you were coming from a good place.

Please don't feel bad. It was a very sweet thought.