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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get a dog?

46 replies

setitup · 06/06/2024 22:00

I’m in my 20s, single and live alone. I’d love to get a golden retriever for company and exercise but the problem is that I live in a small apartment.

I have a courtyard area plus lots of parks nearby, but not much space indoors which I’d feel bad about.

Aside from that, I’ve been working from home recently so I’d be able to spend time with the dog. But it could be a problem when I return to hybrid work.

I’m not sure how much a dog may cost on an ongoing basis but I earn a reasonable salary so could probably make it work (£40k)

OP posts:
Saintmariesleuth · 06/06/2024 22:38

Do you have any experience with dogs OP?

How often are you out and about?

Can you take regular breaks from your work to give the dog attention?

I have a working breed rescue dog. Have had her for just over 3 years, thought to be around 18 months old at the tim e of adoption- due to unexpected health problems, insurance premiums are now £160 per month. Food/treats/dog park fee/toys/flea treatment etc are around £150 per month.
Lifelong medication is another £150. We are on first name terms with most of the staff at the local veterinary practice.

These health issues also restrict who can care for her when we're away (not everyone will take this on) and she now needs urgent surgery (scheduled next week) that will require 8 weeks of rest and keeping her calm.

I am not saying this to put you off OP, but I never expected to be in this poisition with a young, healthy dog.

parietal · 06/06/2024 22:39

Why not get a smaller dog?

ToxicChristmas · 06/06/2024 22:43

Any reason for specifically wanting a golden? Lovely dog, but not really suited to a small apartment with no real outside space. With you potentially having to go back to hybrid I'd hold off for now personally.

ThursdayTomorrow · 06/06/2024 22:46

Dogs are bad for the environment and we are in a climate emergency. A working or assistance dog is obviously okay but a carnivorous pet is a luxury the planet cannot afford.

Refugenewbie · 06/06/2024 22:47

I don't think it would be fair to leave a retriever alone for long periods. They are so people orientated. I wouldn't worry about the amount of space you have in the flat though. In true big dog style, they enjoy their exercise and spend long periods of time sleeping/looking at you hopefully. They don't pace.

RandomButtons · 06/06/2024 23:23

I’ve got a golden and a courtyard garden is a no for me. We can walk for over two hours a day and he still wants to play ball several times through the day.

They are the best breed, so loving and fantastic company, but they can be highly intelligent and need mental stimulation.

RandomButtons · 06/06/2024 23:23

Dog doesn’t need much space inside though

Runssometimes · 06/06/2024 23:24

I think you need to think about how much the dog will be alone. I personally think as long as a dog like this has plenty of time every single day, several times a day outside to run around living in an apartment isn’t an issue. I had a lab that rarely went in our small garden. But retrievers are working dogs who need lots of exercise - when younger that’s 2 hours a day to run/play/retrieve to be happy.

Do the parks alllow off lead dogs? A courtyard isn’t going to cut it, not pleasant to toilet on/and a lot of working dogs won’t wee on anything other than grass. So you’d need to be prepared to take the dog to the park at all hours, including last thing at night. Is that safe?

They don’t like being left alone for long periods of time. You can work up to four hour periods but really they aren’t getting the best life if that’s more than a couple of times a week.

They also shed, a lot, goldens also require regular grooming, so that’s at least an hour a week. Or a cost at a groomer. And the bigger the dog the more worming/flea treatment and food costs. not to mention if they need an anaesthetic or any other medication as it’s calculated by weight too.

They are fabulous dogs and great company but you would need to be sure you could meet their exercise and stimulation needs. If you are on holiday/going out after work/going away for the weekend what would you do?

to me it’s less about the size (apart from cost) and more about is the dog’s temperament or breed traits suiting your lifestyle?

And no dog likes being left alone a lot, some - yes even the small ones- will destroy your house and bark if they are unhappy.

the other thing that occurs to me is that you are in your 20s so your life is likely to look very different in 15 years when any dog you get as a pup is likely still with you and elderly. If you had, for example a young family by then that’s a lot of caring responsibilities, not to mention cost, insurance increases with the age of a pet. Particularly ones prone to joint issues like goldens.

I’m not saying don’t get a dog, but you’d have to think through all these things very carefully. It’s a far bigger lifestyle change than most people anticipate. And it’s all on you, since you live on your own. Personally I’d start borrowing a dog to see how one might fit in with your life before you commit.

Our lab which are very similar in breed traits to goldens, died in December at 14 years and I currently look after someone’s 9 year old golden a couple of times a week as we aren’t ready to commit to the time or cost of another dog/jobs in flux and I need to be sure to be fair on any new pet. As a guide to cost, our lab, with no underlying health conditions was costing £40 insurance (this went up as he got older) £40 food. Per month. Joint injections at £130 a pop every 6 weeks as he had arthritis in his shoulder which started when he was 12. Dog walker for social walks with a group twice a week at c84 a month (which was a nice to have, but I felt the group walk gave him a lot of stimulation when he couldn’t fetch as much or run as fast/far) annual vaccinations and working/flea probably £240 per year. Rabies and pet passport ran into £100s as we took him on hols, boarding would have been more. So you could easily spend £5k a year before you look at equipment- leads/beds/toys/grooming kit or additional treats, or training classes etc.

You need to consider all these things as it’s an awful lot about what you can give a dog over their life than what they’ll add to yours.

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 06/06/2024 23:24

Wouldn’t recommend a golden for you. Something smaller would be more suitable.

HelenaWaiting · 06/06/2024 23:34

ThursdayTomorrow · 06/06/2024 22:46

Dogs are bad for the environment and we are in a climate emergency. A working or assistance dog is obviously okay but a carnivorous pet is a luxury the planet cannot afford.

Edited

It's those fuel-guzzling cars they drive. When they're not destroying the rain forest or pumping sewage into rivers, that is.

BTW, dogs are not carnivorous.

Notthatcatagain · 06/06/2024 23:43

We have a small dog, she's great company and we love her dearly. We have a decent garden and a park nearby. However it now costs £56 to say hello to our vet. She inhaled some grass that was £600, she had a severe ear infection last year, £3000 and will need life long preventative treatment, £250 a year, she costs £30 a month to groom, needs special shampoo £27 a bottle. She's allergic to half the world so insurance is impossible to get even though she has had immunotherapy for the allergies. Don't ask what that cost. Holidays with her are hard work, very few restaurants or attractions welcome dogs. Holidays without her are dependant on family members being free to look after her. Think long and hard before you decide to get one. It will change the next 15 years of your life

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 07/06/2024 00:03

ThursdayTomorrow · 06/06/2024 22:46

Dogs are bad for the environment and we are in a climate emergency. A working or assistance dog is obviously okay but a carnivorous pet is a luxury the planet cannot afford.

Edited

😂🤣 🥱🙄

Springwatch123 · 07/06/2024 00:16

Are you thinking of getting a puppy? If so, they can be hard work . Plus, when young , have a need to uuribate and ok frequently. Are you able to cope with this inside?

Puppies also can only walk short distances initially. I found it quite restricting.

LakeFlyPie · 07/06/2024 00:22

Would you consider fostering a dog to see how you manage. Most rescues are desperate for fosterers as it opens up spaces for needy rescue cases.
There are so many beautiful dogs in rescue desperate for a home, please don't fund the breeders

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/06/2024 03:47

Space indoors isn't a mega issue (I know someone who lives on a canal boat with a Wolfhound, I've lived in small flats with a huge deerhound, small terraced house with at various stages, up to 8 dogs, including 3 deerhounds at once)..

Time is the thing you really need - it takes around 2 years to go from puppy to sensible adult dog who can be reliably left whenever you need, who can be fully trusted not to be a total nobhead without warning. Puppies will eventually (to an extent) fit into your lifestyle, but that lifestyle has to basically suit having a dog in the first place, and you have to be able to compromise on a LOT for that first two years, it is not instant!

Money - if you work, you need money for sitters/daycare etc, as well as the usual vets, insurance, food, equipment. Factor in training/behaviourist costs too... so many people don't and are then stuck with a problem and unable to get 1 to 1 help, and as a result that problem gets significantly worse.

Raising a dog without your own outside space is difficult, outside, secure space provides you a stepping stone from training and habituating to life indoors, and 'out in the big bad world'. It is significantly harder to negotiate the teenage phase (8 months to around 18 months/2 years depending on breed) if you do not have that.

Do you own or rent - renting whilst owning a dog is sometimes precarious, renting these days is pretty precarious anyway, finding a new rental when you already own a big, heavy shedding breed can be a total nightmare. This often costs dogs their homes and sees them in rescues or back with the breeder (in fact some breeders would not sell you a puppy if you do not own your own home).

Do you drive/have a partner who drives - again raising and training a dog when you can only use public transport makes life much much harder than if you have access to a car/driver.

Mercurial123 · 07/06/2024 05:15

ThursdayTomorrow · 06/06/2024 22:46

Dogs are bad for the environment and we are in a climate emergency. A working or assistance dog is obviously okay but a carnivorous pet is a luxury the planet cannot afford.

Edited

Hopefully, you don't have children, take public transport, and never travel by plane, .... but it's the dogs causing the climate emergency?! What about the cats....

idontknowaboutyou · 07/06/2024 05:42

If you have a small living space I'd get a smaller dog. It also needs less walking. I'd go Jack Russell size.

I have a Labrador retriever this is my experience-

Needed a lot of care as a pup -waking early, lots of attention, chewing/mouthing constantly , lots of training
Went through an obstinate stage 6m- 2 years where getting him to engage in training was like pulling teeth.

These are the costs I've endured-

Food £45 (treats extra) a month
Dog walker £13 a hour (usually need 1-2 walks a week) I work three days a week we make sure he isn't left for longer than 4 hours at any time.
Insurance £12 a month
Dog training- we did puppy classes £70 for 6. Then a dog trainer at £30 a session (we had 10). Then a behaviourist who cost £300 for 3 sessions (but she was amazing and helped a lot)
Vets £40 for a consult plus meds. Not needed much so far (he's three) thinking we had one stomach upset £175 and some antibiotics £55
Vaccinations £85 a year
Castration £150
Flea and worming treatment £125 a year
Balls/toys
Kennels £15 a night

His needs are-
2 walks a day 45 minutes each
Brush once a year
Feed twice a day
At least one game of tug
Lots of cuddles

Downsides-
He still jumps up and he's 40kg
He barks when people knock at door/enter garden, at birds/cats
It can be hard planning the day so he's not alone too much
Kennels/dog walker/vet costs
He likes to chew books/newspapers
He still occasionally goes wappy and does zoomies
Goes mental at cats
He will take food if he can get it
Gets over excited if people visit
Our children have zero interest in him

Positives
He's cuddly
Exercise
Good company
Feel safe

I would not get a retriever as your space is too small but if you can afford it and are willing to sacrifice the time to train / walk etc then a small dog could work

whyhavetheygotsomany · 07/06/2024 06:28

Small apartment is not really suitable for a golden retriever unless you are going to give two really long walks every day without fail If you have no outdoor space directly off of your flat it will also be a real pain as they are always wanting to go outside even in the middle of the night.

FiveShelties · 07/06/2024 06:32

I would read some of the threads on the Pet Board before you decide. Dogs are really hard work, and puppies are even worse! I have had dogs all my life but they are a huge commitment.

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BlastedPimples · 07/06/2024 07:14

No. You're not in the right place for a dog. It's such a tie.

21ZIGGY · 07/06/2024 07:25

I’m not saying don’t get a dog, but you’d have to think through all these things very carefully. It’s a far bigger lifestyle change than most people anticipate. And it’s all on you, since you live on your own.

cannot re-emphasise this enough. I live alone and got a big dog as a pup 2.5 years ago. He has up-ended my life. Cant do anything on a whim. I love him and have made it work but being single with a dog is realy hard work.

rookiemere · 07/06/2024 08:18

Join borrowmydoggy or Cinnamon Trust and see how it feels to look after a dog for a short period before making any 12-15 year commitment.

AmelieTaylor · 07/06/2024 08:22

@setitup the 'problem' isn't the size of your flat. The 'problem' is that you're 'in my 20s, single and live alone'. You have to want your dog to be your everything.

Do you not want to travel? Go out in the evenings? Go to friends? Away for the weekend?

how stable is your flat? Finding a new rental with a dog is hard. With a big very hairy dog it's very very very difficult.

not having a garden, it's do able but not desirable for the dog or you.

if you go back to hybrid working, it's going to cost you a fortune in dog walking/sitting just for when you're at work.

as much as I understand you wanting a dog, I think there are lots of reasons why it's not a great idea right now.

sorry

Springwatch123 · 07/06/2024 08:25

21ZIGGY · 07/06/2024 07:25

I’m not saying don’t get a dog, but you’d have to think through all these things very carefully. It’s a far bigger lifestyle change than most people anticipate. And it’s all on you, since you live on your own.

cannot re-emphasise this enough. I live alone and got a big dog as a pup 2.5 years ago. He has up-ended my life. Cant do anything on a whim. I love him and have made it work but being single with a dog is realy hard work.

So true.

rookiemere · 07/06/2024 08:27

AmelieTaylor · 07/06/2024 08:22

@setitup the 'problem' isn't the size of your flat. The 'problem' is that you're 'in my 20s, single and live alone'. You have to want your dog to be your everything.

Do you not want to travel? Go out in the evenings? Go to friends? Away for the weekend?

how stable is your flat? Finding a new rental with a dog is hard. With a big very hairy dog it's very very very difficult.

not having a garden, it's do able but not desirable for the dog or you.

if you go back to hybrid working, it's going to cost you a fortune in dog walking/sitting just for when you're at work.

as much as I understand you wanting a dog, I think there are lots of reasons why it's not a great idea right now.

sorry

This is a good post.
My single friend in her 50s got a dog, it has been a nightmare. The dog cannot be left on his own at all so she is restricted, and she wanted to visit her friend in NZ and can't because although there are loads of dog sitters nobody will agree to being there 24/7.

Our dog on the other hand is pretty placid, will snooze on his own and goes anywhere that they let him sleep on the sofa. But it's still a royal pain sorting out dog care for when we go away - DS is leaving for uni soon and I would love a spontaneous weekend away, but the only spontaneity we can have is in the campervan so rookiedog can come too.

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