The horse spooked...

[Welshiegreen]

If someone is riding in an arena and a woman and child walks past a makes a noise, spooking the horse, who is being unreasonable?

The woman checked the child immediately and the child apologised and then was quiet. The rider did not acknowledge the child's apology.

For context - I am the mother of the child. We were not aware that there was someone riding in the arena. The noise was my son running across some tarpaulin. We apologised and my son was very remorseful.

The rider remains raging that we spooked the horse.

Beyond apologising I'm not sure what more there is we can do. They were not unseated or harmed. Are we being unreasonable? The persistent rage is making me uncomfortable and my son feels bad.

You messed up. When you apologise for messing up, it not the responsibility of the other person to say “it’s ok”, clear the air, or make you feel better about it. Own the apology, resolve to do better, and move on.

On a child friendly livery yard, running over a tarp that was around 40 yards from the arena shouldn't be a problem at all. Horses do need to learn to deal with unexpected disturbances and riders need to learn how to deal with spooking. It was unintentional and you've apologised. The rider is being a twat.
I start young horses and re-start horses with issues. In the early days of doing that it's sensible to have a 'wing man' on the ground to keep an eye on what's going on and therefore help me to try not to overload the horse. But that's our responsibility - not passers by.

My yard didn’t allow children for just this sort of reason. Children can be impulsive and often won’t think of safety issues which are essential with horses.
But if your yard owner allows children then I think the livery needs to speak to them about the safety of this policy if they are still upset about the incident.
I can see why the rider might be angry as perhaps it has affected the horse more than you know. I can also see you did your best after the incident and the child was just being a child. Even if there is a blanket no running or playing rule this will never stop all children behaving in ways which might upset the horses.

I think that depends on what you are apologising for. Making someone feel awful for ages for a genuine mistake that didn't cause anyone any harm, when you could just say "it's ok" makes you a gigantic twat.

You are completely at fault OP.

If you were inside the yard/riding school and you know full well that you should not let your child run around in that environment.

I would think that is obvious....

Your child can spook horses and also could get himself hurt.

The rider was also right to concentrate on the horse and settling it in, not on you and your apologies (which would have been making even more noise that could continue to upset the horse).

The fact that the rider was unharmed is irrelevant, this could have gone badly for her.

Learn from this rather than trying to pass yourself and your kid as victims.

I was being extra careful behind a horse being led up a road as I drive a Toyota Prius which doesn’t make an engine noise at slow speeds.
My dh was urging me to go round the horse as nothing was coming the other way.
However, as I grew up with horses I just knew that this horse was getting spooked.
Suddenly the horse tried to bolt and moved 6ft into the middle of the road.
If dh had been driving we’d have collided.
That horse knew there was something behind him but couldn’t work it out.

Ddil was spraying antiseptic onto her horses leg and he was not happy, it was the sound of the spray can!

If i'm riding a known spooker or very young horse in a busy yard, i just ask people around to be a little aware until i'm done. A normal well rounded horse? Nope, they got to crack on. (TBF they all need to crack on but it's nice not to have unnecessary distractions sometimes!)

I'd need to be angry at a lot of squirrels, birds, ghosts, imaginary friends, colour changing ground, life in general for one of mine though.
i was in a big HOYS qualifier once on him, pulled top after the go round. then someone shut a car door ringside during my individual and he went in to orbit. Landed and carried on as normal. Needless to say he didn't stay stop to qualify 😂

i wouldn’t let a child muck about on tarp on a yard full stop, I think this is on you.

I do think you were unreasonable for letting your child run around on tarpaulin on a livery yard - it doesn't really matter if a horse was in the arena or not, it's just not a very smart thing to do.

But saying that, the rider should have just accepted your apology. You weren't malicious and nobody was hurt.

I do wonder if the rider had a bit of a scare when it happened though and was battling a bit of adrenaline - not that it's an excuse for rudeness but it might explain why she was so annoyed.

Horses are flight animals and as such are very often easily spooked. Yes we do need to take care around animals but it wasn't deliberate, you've apologised and I'm sure you'll be more aware / careful next time.

Riders should know the risks they are taking when riding a prey animal. Ridiculous rider to be causing such a drama. Her and her horse probably just need some more lessons to build their confidence and proficiency.

I don’t think it’s right for the rider to keep on about it if you apologised and clearly knew you were in the wrong.
Were you at the yard for a legitimate reason?

Well what more do you suggest she does other than checking her child, apologizing and getting her son to apologize. Unfortunately Turning back time isn’t an option.

So many variables it is impossible to say whether you are being unreasonable or not.

Horses are all different, as are riders, and have different comfort zones. You don’t really know what will cause a horse you don’t know to spook. Of course in a perfect world all horses would be desensitised to all things. But it’s not a perfect world. I have a horse who has paraded in big events all over Britain and in Europe. He has stood under a sea of waving flags in front of a cheering crowd while air horns were being let off and not been bothered, but ask him to confront a donkey and he would die on the spot. He has been well desensitised but there are still things that spook him. Many riders will use the school at a yard as the safe place they know they can ride a sensitive horse without external distraction, so I can see why a rider would be annoyed if your child created a distraction, but unless they were paying extra for arena hire, they just need to put it behind them as just one of those things.

I would politely suggest though that if you were on a livery yard you might want to make sure your child is under control, for their own safety as much as any horse or riders’. I’ve seen children running unattended around horses injured as a direct result. My brother once climbed on a piece of machinery and got stuck in it, which was a bit heart stopping for my mother!

My son met his girlfriend in January, when she had just turned 18. They are both at college and although they have part time jobs they earn less than £30 pw each. I have not yet met her mum but in the 6 months they have been together she has spent at least half of every week at our house and as we wanted to make her feel welcome we have fed her, done her laundry, taken her out with is for family meals etc, he's rarely at hers and when he is her mum is usually at work and they buy takeaways etc (paid for by themselves) .
I paid £700 for both of them to go away on holiday as an early 18th bday present for him and instead of a party and they have just got back, and while his gf said thank you to me her Mum (who now has my no so she could text me while they were away just to sort out logistics of who would take them to airport) has still not said thanks to me or my husband. My son says that I am wrong to expect her to (as his gf has thanked me) but I think it is basic politeness as a parent to say thanks when someone has done something for your child (even if they are 18). I know I would but AIBU to expect a thank you?

Sorry posted in wrong place! Have started a new thread

I don't think you should have been letting your dc play on the tarp. The yard is child friendly, most, apart from high end professional, have to be, but it isn't a playground. It's a potentially dangerous working area and kids have to be watched like hawks. I remember my horse spooking and bolting at something ridiculous and the unsupervised kid of a very horse savy family member being pinned up again the wall by the horse. No harm done except for shaken nerves, but yards aren't playgrounds. The rider was being ott, but take it as a learning experience.

Also, as the yard owner I would have been pissed at a child running on the tarp, as tarps are for protecting hay, bedding, feed from the rain, and a child playing on it would likely rip it, dirty it and make it unfit for purpose.

Agree 100% with this :-)

OP has already apologised what more can she do other than be more careful in future. There's no need for a big dramatic reaction from the rider. Totally unnecessary. She should be careful kicking off on people like that, you never know the other person will react!

Meh, horses spook, rider can get over it.... If it's a livery yard which permits children then this sort of thing will happen. It's not like it was deliberate.
The real world isn't this perfect sterile arena where everyone whispers and tip toes around. Horses need to learn life skills to deal with this sort of thing.

If someone is riding in an arena and a woman and child walks past a makes a noise, spooking the horse, who is being unreasonable?

Well your opening line is disingenuous, because you didn’t “just walk past”.

Tbf it’s in the same OP that your child was running on the tarp, but it’s odd to have led with the suggest that you were just walking by. A bit manipulative to set the scene that way.

So honestly, that makes me wonder what he was actually doing on the tarp. Just running, or jumping all over it? A moment where you’ve walking past it and he can’t resist running along the edge - or it’s covering something and he’s actually jumping all over it with no action from you to stop him?