AIBU to ask how you stop yourself feeling ugly?

[Lowselfesteem24]

Crippling low self esteem

Do other people tell you you're ugly? Low self esteem is awful, my friend felt like you and she was a lovely attractive girl. I'm as plain as a pikestaff but have come to terms with my looks and at 48 I really don't care.

This saddens me op.

Where has this started from?

I felt very much like you do for most of my life but now in my 40s I'm not really bothered. I'm not as ugly as I believed I was when I was younger but I'm certainly not the pick of the bunch either. But when your looks start to fade and you realise you've gone past your peak you can realise how little it matters.

The kind of person you are is what matters. Are you kind? Are you helpful? Do you make people feel good about themselves? Those are the sort of qualities that will make people like you and in turn boost your esteem and help you to value yourself. But don't rely on other people to do it. Start to value yourself by acknowledging what is good about your personality. Don't focus on looks, they really don't matter in the long run.

No. If anything I’m told I’m attractive. But I just don’t see it. It’s totally crippling. Sort of reassuring to know I’m not the only one at least! Thank you

I have felt this way for as long as I can remember unfortunately

Yes, you’re right, it’s just hard

getting old and having to focus on your health instead helps. Sorry.

At least this feeling will fade at some point then I guess

You will be constantly telling yourself you’re ugly/worthless etc. Stop doing this and say nice things to yourself instead.

It will feel uncomfortable and pointless for a while, but will turn how you feel about yourself completely on its head.

I’ll definitely try this

Also I have always been very average in terms of looks. Had acne as a teen, big nose, very underweight and flatchested in my youth, so never judged my worth by my looks. I had some good features as well, but overall just average.

Decided I would judge myself by my deeds. Just as well, really.

I don’t know why but looking pretty is particularly important to me, silly, I know

It's not silly given most people want to look pretty. I am not claiming that i am entirely free of vanity. I do colour my hair, watch my diet, and so on.

However, do already pretty people set more store by prettiness? DD is very pretty- no really she is- but she also has poor self esteem and is constantly putting herself down.

I avoid unnecessary mirrors.
I think about other people, how they are, what I can do for them.

occasionally I’m disappointed by my unexpected reflection in a mirror but I just concentrate my mind on something else. It’s fleeting.

I tell myself I'm beautiful. I tell myself my body is strong and fabulous.
Negative thought creeps in- I tell myself how lovely I am.
Fat thought creeps in- I tell myself how much my body has been through and how it doesn't let me down.

Now, I am fat, and grey, and bits of me don't work but I still tell myself how beautiful I am.

Do you look down on other people who are not good looking?

Have you considered therapy to identify where your feelings about looks come from?

This is very true! I have some STUNNING friends with similar feelings. Probably we can’t win, lol