4 year old says no one likes her

[pastaprincesses]

Or wants to play with her.

I don't take it too much to heart because in the same sentence she'll say ' X ' is my friend or whatever.

But more often than not, she does make these negative comments. She likes going to her preschool and doesn't cry or say she doesn't want to go.

Some of the other mums have mentioned their kids have said similar stuff. So I haven't overly worried about it.

I sort of asked the teachers who said they're all always calling out with each other and making friends again and that she has lots of friends.

I think it's most likely absolutely just normal for her age, but she does say it quite a lot now and I just wonder if I'm responding the right way to it or if anyone else could maybe reassure me that this is as normal as I think it is ?

I tend to ask her why she thinks no one likes her or what happened ? I also ask her how it makes her feel and that kind of stuff. But often I can't get a lot out of her.

I work in childcare and quite often if my key children come to me saying things along these lines it means another child has said something like that eg. “I don’t like you” or “ I don’t want to play with you” so despite the child having a bunch of friends they remember that!

Do you think I'm being too relaxed about it ? What else can I do to help my DD ?

@pastaprincesses I think your concern about it shows that you’re a good parent, I’d say 8/10 of children in my room say it to eachother at some point or about another child. It’s just a childish thing to say, but if I hear one of thechildren saying it I always remind them that yes all of their friend like them, the staff like them, mummy/ daddy likes them. Etc and they normally smile after and go play. So just reinstating that many people do like them, listing them off.

Is it possible she's saying it a lot because she's noticed it gets her a lot of attention from you? If it's mixed in with her saying 'x is my friend' then I'd just remind her about her friend x and that obviously someone does like her.

I really try not to make a big deal out of it at all tbh.

She'll say it and I might

Once she says it, I might ask one question about it.

Then I wait a bit and say, I think X is your friend right ? And she'll be like ' yes ' or ' no '.

That kind of thing.

She randomly told my sister during half term. ' no one likes me ' ' no one wants to play with me '.

@pastaprincesses What would she do if you completely ignored it? Do you keep asking about what she’s been doing so she says something to fill the space? Try a couple of days asking nothing. Don’t respond to anything negative. See what happens. If she continually insists no one likes her, reinforce all the ones who do including grandparents and you. It is part of getting ready for school that DC start to be a bit discerning. They start to work out who’s on their wavelength. And who’s not. It’s possibly that preferences are coming out. Get some friends round then clearly there are friendly DC around!

OP, does your little one still say this? We're currently in the exact same situation with my just turned 4 year old girl. She's always loved going to preschool and has a couple of girls she said were her friends but recently I've noticed at parties they don't interact as much anymore and she seems to be going off on her own more. She's said 'no one wants to play with me, I go off into the book corner on my own' whereas before she'd come back full of beans...

It's hard as some of the picture updates we get from the preschool show her playing with the usual faces still but I do wonder if I should bring it up with her key worker...