To want to get married while protecting my assets?

[iuy]

My fiance earns much more than me and has a much bigger pension. However I have more assets - combination of inherited assets and profit on my first house.

I have a child whose father is not at all involved. So if anything happens with my fiance its just me and DC again, and I don't earn much. Being able to have a small mortgage is what kept us comfortable - if I lost half of my capital, this would not be the case.

Of course I don't expect to get divorced (who does) and don't expect my fiance to take anything [i know he didn't from his much higher earning ex wife in an amicable divorce]. But i want to feel secure for peace of mind.

My fiance is happy with getting a pre-nup, and we have a deed of trust on our house. But from what I understand, pre nups don't stand in English courts.

I want to have a happy ending with a wedding and security of a marriage. But I also want to know that me and my child won't lose out if it all goes wrong. Am not sure what to do.

As I understand it marriage is fundamentally a financial contract.

I would strongly advise you to get proper legal and financial advice. No not rely on anything said on MN for such important decisions.

Most people on MN don't know their arse from their elbow but award themselves the status of god of all things legal.

Pre-nups are more enforceable nowadays. Take legal advice, but you should be able to achieve what you want.

Don't get married. Or get serious legal advice.

Why do you need to get married?

Honestly skip the marriage, it brings you no benefit whatsoever.

I have more assets than my partner and children to protect so marriage is off the cards for me.

I'm interested in this also so it would be good to hear from someone who has already done this if possible

What is the 'security of marriage'?

You'd be less secure, not more.

I don't 'need' to get married, but i do 'believe' in marriage...it's something I've always wanted, I think its worth something, I love my fiance and our family.

But I find it a bit frustrating that laws around marriage seem to be set up for those starting out and having children together, rather than those of us who already have our own careers/children/finances and would like to retain that while making the commitment of marriage.

I will get legal advice, but from what I understand pre nups are only used as guidance here.

If your partner has a high income and assets of his own, do you think he’s going to try and take your assets in a divorce?

My DH and I are the opposite - he had some assets, I have the ability to earn a lot.

We have agreed if anything happens he can get his ‘equity’ back in property etc, and he won’t come after my pension / future earnings.

Now - there is no pre-nup. As you say they don’t mean much. But the incentive is we believe sufficient for both of us.

It’s a risk but… one you have to take if you get married IMO. Otherwise, just don’t get married.

@ThePassageOfTime

I meant the emotional/ relationship/ family/ love side.

I'm in my early thirties, and friends are getting hitched....I think it's a common desire no? just want to protect me and my son because you don't know what will happen!

If it wasn't for my son and we were planning on having children together I think I would feel differently.

Trusts are probably the way to go about it. A good financial advisor is the way to go.
I would want to be married to, to me it's more than just a piece of paper, but I understand your need to protect your daughters interests especially

I wouldn’t get married. I would prioritise your son over absolutely any other considerations.

Trouble if we only hear about it at the other end

And maybe sone people with a pre nip that divorce don't ask for more than the fair pre nup.

But yes I'd want to know -I avoid marriage to be safest.

@MidnightPatrol

Yes we are the reverse. And yes, if he came after my assets, I could go for his pension, it would be lose/ lose....there would be no incentive, and I'm sure he wouldn't do this anyway....if I thought he could, of course I wouldn't marry him!

I think its just peace of mind (I see a lot of terrible things through work which impacts my view on these things)

I'd also discuss inheritance as you plan on having more kids. If he inherits and then passes away, will your son benefit ir just his bio children?

@MrMotivatorsLeotard

My son was also a consideration with marriage...he has never had his father in his life and has known my fiance from when he can remember. He is super excited for us to get married, and is already planning a speech 😫

But yes, its also important that our future is guaranteed should anything go wrong!

Sorry, no we are not planning on having more kids.

We already have wills sorted so if something happens to us the other is sorted with the house (so no one has to move) and everything else of ours goes to respective children. We also have a deed of trust sorted. My frustration is that with marriage this seems to void everything.

Read this thread OP
Labour and common law marriage pledge | Mumsnet

Marriage or not might become irrelevant very soon in your situation

I would have thought he’s super keen to know that his father figure will always be in his life rather than marriage itself.

I think it’s head over heart time. You and your fiancé have presumably both had committed relationships that haven’t worked out (him with his wife, you with your son’s father), you know that even with the best intentions things don’t always work out.

Apologies I read your post as you were planning on having more kids.

But you have all that without marriage.

@nearlylovemyusername

Interesting, will def look into that....like posters are saying, it could be a lifeline to many women co-habiting with children....but again, in situations like me and my partner, where we are both comfortably self-sufficient with our own children, I feel we should be able to opt out of tangling up finances!

@ThePassageOfTime

Absolutely, but I guess its partly a cultural thing. Another thing am thinking of is doing a ceremony/ blessing for family and friends without the legal bit. Not sure if thats something people do 🤔

Why don’t you just have a ceremony with a celebrant that isn’t legally binding?

That's the entire point - at present you are free to make a choice to marry or not to protect your finance. If this goes ahead after election the fact of living together will be sufficient, no marriage is needed.
I'm certain Labour will go ahead with this - the real drive is to reduce benefits claims. Your case is obviously different but might become collateral damage