Anyone just completely given up with dating?

[Caramellolly]

I'm 33 and successful in other areas of my life except dating. I'm independent, like my job, have my hobbies, have friends, good family relationships, I'm doing well. I like how I look and think I have a lot to offer.

I absolutely suck at dating, and find it all incredibly stressful. Unfortunately I'm no good at the whole aloof/distant/chase thing, either.
That's not to say I scare men off by sending 10 million texts and declaring love, but I just find dating and being in a long-term relationship stressful.

There seems to be an insane pressure for people to be coupled up though, society is built around couples and there's this whole idea that life is 'complete' once you find 'the one".

There is a level of smugness from some couples, the idea that they're better or more attractive because they're in a relationship.

Men don't seem to want to be with me, I don't know why that is, but they don't. I can't be bothered any more.

I'm sick of hearing all the clichés around dating (mostly by people who are in relationships). I find the whole thing incredibly stressful.

Sometimes it's lonely and miserable. I find many men are not worth it either,that said so many people around me give the appearance of being blissfully happy together.

Anyone else?

I’m with you OP. I think you nearly always have to compromise too much to make a relationship successful and in my experience, it’s usually the woman that does all the comprising (in heterosexual relationships obviously)

I am sick of playing down parts of myself or cutting chunks off myself to give to other people.

I also think I’m too laid back in relationships and most men I have met seem to crave turmoil. They want to be ‘told off’ or have you cause drama for them. I think men get bored of me because I don’t do this. I am sick of it and I want to just focus on myself now. I’m also in my 30s

Same OP, the more men I date the more I realise how so many are broken, traumatised, don’t know what they want, or just want attention from anyone. And anyone will do.

I don’t chase and cant stand the drama, have very recently decided it’s better to be at peace and alone.

I’m a similar age and suck at dating as well. I’ve just deleted the dating app I was using because the men were disappointing and the half-arsed ‘chat’ and mostly dull dates were adding nothing to my life.

Just focus on enjoying single life and maybe stay away from smug couples (I never come across these people IRL, but perhaps I’m just good at zoning them out…). What would you like to do more of? Do that. Hobbies, sport, travel, learning a new skill, leaning into your career, whatever it is. You’ll never have more freedom than you do now.

I have dated in 8 years. More because I have no choice rather than a conscious decision but it's fine you don't have to date you get use to it.

Glad to hear others are in the same boat. It's just bloody difficult and it makes you feel like you aren't good enough if you don't play the aloof and distant game that many people seem to subscribe too. Also makes you feel like you aren't enough if you don't have a man fall madly in love and want to marry you.

I'm 39 and unexpectedly single since January when my husband up and left me. Had a look at Bumble etc recently out of curiosity and swiftly deleted. I'm going to learn how to be happy with just me and my cat!

At your age I’d been single for approx 2 years but also depressed due to that relationship. I could’ve easily found a relationship but actually played it safe hanging around with 2 platonic male best friends.

It doesn’t help that some men assume that at your age you’re desperate to be coupled up and starting a family, I had one guy I went on a date with 2 years later almost try to pressurise me into a relationship with me because he was a good catch and time was running out for me. Reader, I ran! 😱

From experience though meeting men in real life was better for me.

I'm also sick of hearing 'Oh I stopped looking and suddenly a man just fell in love with me!'
It just doesn't always happen that way. Men don't approach me, apart from the odd man twice my age in the middle of the street.
Men seem to be intimidated or just not interested.

Most men of my age are taken tbh.
I need to remind myself that I'm good enough in other areas of life, I do very well for myself. Just because some man hasn't deemed me worthy, doesn't mean I've failed in any way.

This should have been have NOT

Is it okay to suggest reading this? Some people talk about dating like it’s compulsory! Ignore the societal expectations.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/ami_being_unreasonable/5089044-to-think-being-single-is-amazing?page=7&reply=135775088

Thank you! It really is the societal pressure that's getting to me.
Every single bloody person I went to school with bar a couple, click on their social media profile and they're with someone. Everyone.

I think 8 cats would occupy the space of one man and bring huge joy.

I'm basically sick of being made to feel like I've failed because I haven't played the aloof game, and apparently I just need to give them a bit of a smile and eye contact and they'll do the rest 🙄

@Caramellolly I found hitting 40 really helped with the societal pressure. I was obviously happy with my choice …so people had to stop chatting shit - to some extent.

I did stop mixing with a few people who wouldn’t stop talking about it. But they were mostly family friends rather than mine.

I didn’t make a big deal of it, but there was nothing to be gained from spending time with such narrowminded individuals.

as I get older I find I occasionally get told what a sensible decision I made. It’s quite awkward sometimes.

Especially when somebody stands there and says “oh my God you’re so lucky you can do whatever you want.”

It’s like …yeah <smug>

But actually, I had a neighbour, go into a full on rant the other day about how lucky I was not to be stuck with a middle-aged man. It was all I could do not to point out that my last boyfriend was a hell of a lot younger than me 😂 so I don’t know what men are like at that age but I prefer not to stereotype anyway. I’m sure I don’t fit some stereotypes of middle aged women.

But anyway, I didn’t because she needed sympathy. But also …you can’t slag off your neighbours husband. I don’t particularly like him but still…

So I just had to stand there, listening with a sympathetic face!

anyway - go forth and be happy, that’s what I say. Whatever works for you.

Now you're talking my language.

they seem to think the dating apps are for a free prostitute and I'm in my 50's . These men think they can find the exact girl: A girl that has long sandy blond hair , that has mid-western values is a republican living in californium making a six figure salary that has no kids not divorced , no dogs with a parrot. They are clueless

Hang in there op, in a decade or two, your position is the coveted one.