To think that you don't scare the bejeezus out of y6 students about secondary school?

[rurn]

Apparently in my daughter's class (y6) a discussion about secondary school led to the teacher saying how awful it is at secondary when they worked there and they'd repeatedly seen several student whatsapp groups where students apparently arranged to beat up other students, "jump them" and so on.

He also said it's a matter of course that a lot more physical violence goes on at secondary school, daughter said he implied it's a regular thing.

Daughter, already scared about secondary and anxious, is now terrified.

AIBU that primary schools and teachers have a responsibility not to scare kids about secondary? Some reality checks sure, but is this kind of thing appropriate? I don't think so. At the very least it should be countered with something like "but they have a robust bullying policy and all kids are expelled immediately for this behaviour" and "if you have any issues the school will support you".

I feel like approaching the school to complain.

Make a complaint. The teachers needs to learn how inappropriate this was. But prepared they’ll deny it so you need to make sure others complain too so there’s more than one person claiming the said this.

It is unfortunately a scary story but I suppose it's the reality and kids should probably have awareness of these things. It might help them in future to know not everyone is kind and that they have their own autonomy to relinquish friendships with people who behave like that.

On the flip side if they had zero awareness of these goings on they might find themselves being dragged into similar bullying behaviours unknowingly.

As the parent I'd suggest offering a balanced view that this behaviour is rare and mostly school will be pleasant enough but to make sure they aren't sucked into this kind of stuff

@bottomsup12 Thank you yes we are supporting and explaining to her at home.

I do agree kids need awareness of these things. But it definitely needs framing the right way and within context explaining the consequences taken by the school, their support offered and countered to balance it.

Also to make out physical violence is every day / omnipresent I think is wrong. I could be wrong I'm not sure that is true for most schools.

I would let the Head know. Transition is planned carefully and this sounds like someone has gone offpiste by several miles!

That's horrible. Our primary were really positive with the children about secondary and transition was really good. Given the huge rates of EBSA these days he is being really irresponsible.

However sadly I think a lot of secondary schools go on to use scare tactics about GCSES to push the students. Horrible.

@rurn whilst I agree that the teacher shouldn't be scaring the children in his class I'm afraid that you are in for a rude awakening if you think that bullies get suspended let alone expelled, it just doesn't happen. Nor have it ever come across a school that both has and implements a "robust bullying policy".

There is a balance between being positive about the transition to secondary and preparing the year 6s for a what can be a much harder environment but this is very inappropriate.

I would 100% complain.

i have kids at primary and work at a local secondary. I always tell them how fun it is, how they won’t get lost and how we will look after them.

however, a PP is right that exclusions seem to be a thing of the past.

I would say that your average y7 kid is going to be well below the radar of anything nasty - at my school anyway. My main advice to my son was keep your head down and choose your friends carefully.

We arrived for a transition session at our local high school and I commented that there was a police car parked there again

Kiddo pipes up and says the high school told them that there is always a police presence at end of day, the high school had informed her last week
They also have a presence at lunch break walking the routes to the local snack vans.

As long as the teacher was being honest about their experiences then I think it’s fair enough, your kid will find out the truth soon enough and forewarned is forearmed.
Kidding them on that it’s a warm, cozy place with no issues is going to be proven wrong pretty quick.

I work at a secondary. I've been at the same school for nearly 20 years.
We do have fixed term exclusions (formerly known as suspensions) for bullying. If it's reported it's dealt with and we work on encouraging reporting.
Secondaries are not all chaotic thunderdomes. In fact, most aren't.
I would complain.

I would broach this with the school.

But I would broach it rather than complain.

I teach UKS2 and fear of moving to secondary school is normal, understandable and commonplace.

I don't know a single teacher (and have never met one) who would sit the children down and say, "Right kids, some things you need to be aware of when you go to secondary school..." and then fill them with horror stories.

But a lot of children have older siblings and the children quite often hear horror stories about what goes on. If children had asked questions about behaviour etc at secondary, the teacher might have acknowledged these fears in a way that didn't minimise them but also offered reassurance. Sometimes, children who are particularly anxious, will focus on the part that resonates most with them (the aspect that causes them fear) without taking on board the reassurances.

He might, of course, have just been a dick but that is less likely tbh.

You should report this to the Head. It needs to be followed up. It is not the job of a teacher to scare children about moving to secondary school. It's fine to say things like 'Secondary schools are very big with lots of children moving around and lots of staff. What do you think might be a bit scary or worrying about that?' Then discuss their worries eg being bullied.
'Not everyone is kind are they? What should you do if you are being bullied or you see someone else being bullied?'

I imagine the Secondary school would be very unhappy at the primary school teacher having been scare-mongering about the school- they will have an induction programme that also deals with bullying and the whole intention will be confidence-building, knowledge, treating each other kindly, supporting each other, who to tell etc.
It's absolutely stupid for any member of school staff to behave like this- basically repeating gossip from social media as fact- if that is actually what he did. Definitely needs reporting and investigation.

Those referring to "the teachers" en masse need to understand that it is not any kind of education policy to scare primary children and, if this one teacher did behave very inappropriately, it won't he part of the transition process of the school.

Every teacher I know says stuff like bullying isn't as bad at their school, I'd put money on it being rife in every secondary school

When I was looking for a school for my children, how they handled bullying was my top question.

I dismissed any school that said they didn't have an issue.

However, part of the problem is that the reasons underpinning bullying can be quite complex. Most teachers have no more understanding of these issues than the average person walking down the street because it's simply not part of teacher training; even when they do, resources for tackling it are very limited; exclusion can't always be the answer - it just moves the problem elsewhere. Correcting poor choices and educating is one thing. Punishing a serious bully is difficult because that in itself won't stop the bullying or address the underlying causes. It meets a need in them which they don't have any other way of meeting and needs to be met. Essentially.

Those childen are often in need of quite specific support which school just don't have.

They do have a responsibility.

However, this was the reality for my Eldest DC at secondary:

Rampant sexual harassment, both verbal & physical. Schools claim no tolerance for it, but all reports to staff were downplayed as normal teen boy behaviour.

Forced watching of Pornhub. Literally pinned down and threatened if eyes not kept open.

Repeated concussions from physical assaults.

A gang ambushed her just outside school. It was broken up by a passing driver, who left his van, pulled the other kids off mine & escorted my DC into school. School did nothing, as "not on our premises", other than making my DC leave school later - which made them more at risk from ambush, not less.

DC is traumatised from all this. Other parent, and school just kept telling them to "toughen up" and to shut up about it.

From speaking to other students locally (then, and present), this experience is typical, especially for girls.

@NCembarassed OMG that sounds horrendous, I am so sorry to hear that. What came of it in the end? Did you go to the governors? Did your DC leave the school? Was anyone expelled?

Depends whether it's true or not for the high school's she's eligible to attend. Bullying policies and the like aren't worth the paper they're written on if they're not enforced.

That individual teacher's view is certainly accurate when it comes to the local highschools in my area, and it was true of the local school where I grew up as well, where the stabbing of other children and teachers was a regular occurence. Perhaps this isn't the case for the schools you're looking at for your child, but if a teacher's mere words about his personal experience can terrify her, she really needs to toughen up. I'd focus more on how to build her inner strength than wasting time complaining about this.

At the very least it should be countered with something like "but they have a robust bullying policy and all kids are expelled immediately for this behaviour" and "if you have any issues the school will support you".

Ha ha ha good luck with that. Children who bully and physically assault others just need love and compassion apparently. There's a reason this particular school has been in special measures for a long time. The only thing that would sort that school out is closing it down.

At the very least it should be countered with something like "but they have a robust bullying policy and all kids are expelled immediately for this behaviour" and "if you have any issues the school will support you".

but that would be lying. Incidents are swept under the carpet and the badly behaved kids go unpunished

This.
No matter how good a school's bullying policy looks bullies never get dealt with, certainly never expelled.
The teacher shouldn't have said these things but unfortunately I think he is right about secondary schools. DD2 is finishing GCSES next week and I have heard plenty of stories from her and DD1 about what school is like.

I do agree kids need awareness of these things. But it definitely needs framing the right way and within context explaining the consequences taken by the school, their support offered and countered to balance it.

Schools aren’t always on the ball with stuff like this, I’m afraid. If they’re year 6, they’ll be at secondary school in 3 months. Forewarned is forearmed.

@lilsupersparks

That's ok if your kids are going to be at that school but I have a y7 and y9 and...

It isn't fun
They did get lost
Teachers / senior staff are overworked
The office staff are no help and slag the kids off in front of the kids for asking where they need to be / for an updated timetable etc

There’s no point in a teacher telling kids of their experience if there’s not a teaching value to it. Yes tell the kids bullying goes on if you have to but follow on with the thing to do immediately is tell xyz. ………
I have seen violence in school but the policy is ………. Always speak up , you are in the right they are in the wrong.
Sounds like a lazy teacher who just wanted to pass the time.

I suspect a lot of secondary teachers must become very desensitised to that sort of thing. Perhaps he genuinely thought he was telling them a funny story. Totally unacceptable but wouldn't surprise me at all.