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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I expecting too much from my 10 year old?

18 replies

4fingerKitKat · 04/06/2024 20:14

DS is 10 / year 5.

He normally has two clubs back to back this evening but he came out of school desperate to prepare something for school for tomorrow and pleaded with me to let him off the first club. I agreed and we went home - he had about 45 mins before we had to leave for the second club. I had his kit out for the second club ready and gave it to him, told him to change first so he could then devote the rest of the time to his school project.

I get on with some jobs - admittedly I meant to check on his progress but didn’t. After 40 mins I check on him and he has is half changed and reading a magazine.

Is it unrealistic to expect a 10 year old to be able to get changed and then start a project that 10 mins earlier he was begging me to let him have the time to do?

YABU - yes this was unrealistic
YANBU - no a 10 year old should be able to do this without being checked on

OP posts:
Bournetilly · 04/06/2024 20:17

It seems like he just wanted to relax rather than go to the club. How many clubs does he do and does he get downtime?

ZipZapZoom · 04/06/2024 20:19

Agreed it seems like he needs time to unwind. I can't say I blame him I'm not sure I'd want to do two clubs back to back after a day at school either. Is there any way he could drop one of the clubs, it sounds quite full on.

Original poster
4fingerKitKat · 04/06/2024 20:19

Bournetilly · 04/06/2024 20:17

It seems like he just wanted to relax rather than go to the club. How many clubs does he do and does he get downtime?

No he didn’t, he enjoys both clubs but was desperate to work on his project. He was upset when I told him we had to leave for the second one and had no time left. He just got distracted from the task in hand.

OP posts:
JamesPringle · 04/06/2024 20:22

Yes, I think you're expecting too much. I do get that it's hard to cut down on the extracurricular clubs when the children enjoy them, but at the end of the day, a ten year old doesn't have the capacity or experience to know that two clubs after school is just too much.

Marblessolveeverything · 04/06/2024 20:22

He has too much on, two clubs and homework? That's very unfair on a ten year old. When is his chill time?

JamesPringle · 04/06/2024 20:22

Yes, I think you're expecting too much. I do get that it's hard to cut down on the extracurricular clubs when the children enjoy them, but at the end of the day, a ten year old doesn't have the capacity or experience to know that two clubs after school is just too much.

Original poster
4fingerKitKat · 04/06/2024 20:22

ZipZapZoom · 04/06/2024 20:19

Agreed it seems like he needs time to unwind. I can't say I blame him I'm not sure I'd want to do two clubs back to back after a day at school either. Is there any way he could drop one of the clubs, it sounds quite full on.

It’s the only night of the week he has clubs - it normally works out quite well as every other evening he has time to chill

OP posts:
hungry123 · 04/06/2024 20:23

Sounds like both my kids (10 and 12). Sometimes you really have to be on them, sometimes they do it themselves…

OOlivePenderghast · 04/06/2024 20:23

I think it sounds like he was excited about the school project but didn’t quite know where to start like blank page syndrome. Maybe when he’s enthusiastic to do it again help with the start and see if he gets on with it. If he usually enjoys the clubs and wants to go, I wouldn’t worry and treat it as a one off.

Testina · 04/06/2024 20:25

I’m 53 and I’ve done what he did!
At 10, I’d have popped my head in. Though tbh I don’t think you get a lot done in 45 mins, so I’d have told him he could only miss the second club.

Original poster
4fingerKitKat · 04/06/2024 20:26

Marblessolveeverything · 04/06/2024 20:22

He has too much on, two clubs and homework? That's very unfair on a ten year old. When is his chill time?

He doesn’t regularly have homework, it’s just something he wanted to work on himself. He was desperate to do it., to the extent he wanted to skip a club he normally enjoys.

OP posts:
ZipZapZoom · 04/06/2024 20:33

4fingerKitKat · 04/06/2024 20:22

It’s the only night of the week he has clubs - it normally works out quite well as every other evening he has time to chill

Show quote history

In which case it's a one off and who can't say they've not found themselves idly procrastinating at one point or another?

If it's a one off then why all the drama?

Comedycook · 04/06/2024 20:34

My ds at 10 would have done exactly the same as yours op!

eurochick · 04/06/2024 22:25

I have an almost ten year old and she has the attention span of a gnat. I tell her to get changed, leave her for a few minutes and come back to find her building a Pokemon world or something. It's infuriating.

Noseybookworm · 04/06/2024 23:06

He got distracted and drifted off track, we've all done it 😏 he's a kid and been in school all day, I'd cut him some slack. Two clubs back to back after a day at school is not ideal but at least he can relax on the other days. I think expecting a 10 year old to organise themselves without a bit of prompting is probably unrealistic.

Original poster
4fingerKitKat · 04/06/2024 23:46

eurochick · 04/06/2024 22:25

I have an almost ten year old and she has the attention span of a gnat. I tell her to get changed, leave her for a few minutes and come back to find her building a Pokemon world or something. It's infuriating.

Yes this is it exactly - just trying to get a handle on whether it’s just standard for a 10 year old!

my main point of comparison is his 7 year old younger sibling who will, generally, if left to get changed on his own actually get changed. Perhaps the 7 year old is the unusual one!

OP posts:
Original poster
4fingerKitKat · 05/06/2024 00:03

ZipZapZoom · 04/06/2024 20:33

In which case it's a one off and who can't say they've not found themselves idly procrastinating at one point or another?

If it's a one off then why all the drama?

Show quote history

It’s very typical of him to get sidetracked, but today was particularly frustrating.

Firstly because we all had to change plans to accommodate DS wanting to skip the club (younger sibling goes to same club but agreed to sacrifice it because DS was begging him), and I hate wasting money on a paid-for activity that they don’t attend. So we were both doing him a favour because he was so het up.

Secondly because he was SO desperate to get the time for his project and STILL managed to get completely distracted. I can understand it when it’s something mundane like getting changed or tidying his room. But to go from “this is the most important thing in the world” to “oops I forgot” in 5 mins is exasperating!

OP posts:
SpringKitten · 05/06/2024 00:25

I’m 40+ and I still get side tracked like this! I think it’s temperamental.

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