To not take the kids round as much?

[TaysHc]

Please be gentle ! Bit nervous to post in this topic aha..

My relationship with my own mum has always been up and down. She treats me like I can’t be independent , I’m 26 with 2 kids my own house with my fiancé. She in front of people tries to embarrass me it feels I’m not sure why she likes this. I always get the niggling feeling she is disappointed as I haven’t turned out exactly how she wants me to be and I don’t fit the idea of me that was in her head.

She has helped with our kids as she loves them she’s one of their nans. She constantly says what I’m doing wrong (apparently). So I’m currently wrong for breastfeeding my youngest baby (who is 5mo). I was wrong that I didn’t swaddle my eldest, you see where I’m going with my examples.

so lately we’re in the throes of tantrums. DS is nearly 2.5yo. He’s currently demanding snacks constantly and if we don’t agree to every single request he sobs and has an absoloute meltdown. We’re handling it and it’s a normal part of development. I diffuse them best I can and always let him know I’m there for him no matter what but that there are rules.

but this is another thing I’m doing ‘wrong’ according to my mum. She said it’s silly to try and set boundaries he doesn’t understand. I should just give him every snack he asks for an easy life. He might be hungry and I don’t give enough food (this pissed me right off as he gets 3 good meals and 3 good snacks. We give all the right food and he is very well fed and healthy.)

She undermines my parenting and when I go to her and my dads house with the kids if he has a fall she runs to him before I. Can get there to comfort him? If he tantrums she tells me to stop and she’ll chat to him. Then she tries to speak to him for about 5 minutes of nonsense which he doesn’t understand because she’s nattering for 5 minutes then says “see you just have to talk things through” (which I do bloody do by the way)

Ive gotten fed up of feeling not listened to as a parent when I take my kids round and the tantrums for snacks are worse there as he knows she’ll give in so he runs and asks her.

am I wrong to say basically now I’m not going around all the time. They can come to us sometimes? I always take the kids to them but I just feel I’d be more respected in my own house ?

asking as I’ll get told I’m awful for this and I’m a bit nervous for what she’ll say but I need to do what’s best for me

my partner doesn’t like her very much and has an issue with her being a bit too involved (offering opinions on every single thing etc, trying to tell us what to do)

So stop going round and when she raises it, tell her why. You sound scared of her. Tell her things have moved on since she had you, plus it's your dc, so you will do as you see fit. I'm a bitch, so I'd be telling her what she's doing is undermining you and if she won't stop, you need to be harsh by telling her you won't be coming round as she doesn't respect your parenting. It's not like you're a very young parent who needs support.

How often are you at hers? Does she think you're asking for help by being this often?

My fiance thinks this and. Asks why I haven’t ’stood Up’ to her a while ago. I don’t know what it is. Were a small family and my dad and sister just say oh she tries her best she does it cos she loves us etc - but then again my fiance thinks they’re also a bit wary of her as her moods affect everyone

I go once/twice a week when my parents want to see the kids (it’ll be once when I’m back at work). They do want to see the kids and ask but always say come round they don’t come to us

but maybe in my
own house I’d be listened to more

Try it and see if it’s better. Taking the kids round is surely a major faff? Much easier for her to come to you. I hope she’s not ‘summoning’ you!

@Cherrysoup oh yes it’s an absoloute faff and she always says “aw you can’t just stop by the kids need to know they’re always welcome” so we have to stay for ages and getting them to go is hard getting everything packed etc

she does always make me go to her tbh