Things happen when you stop looking - can someone please explain this?

[Andyouresingingasong]

Everybody seems to claim that when they decided to not 'look' for a partner, they met someone.
Even without me looking as such, this just doesn't happen for me. I'm a sociable person but I've literally decided to start ignoring men because I'm worried about giving off 'vibes'.

I'm not using any dating apps. I don't go to hobbies looking for men. I do 1 or 2 that I like and that's it.

Is this just one of those mindless clichés people throw out? I haven't shown any sort of interest in a man for half a year, just been looking after myself. Nobody's fallen into my lap so far.

I would anecdotally say the complete opposite is true. Things actually happened for me when I took dating seriously and actively started treating it like work. Lots of dates, met lots of people and finally found someone lovely.

Sorry OP, it happened to me. I decided to crack on, lean in at work, enjoy my own lovely little flat. Told my friends. I was v happy.

Met DH 6 weeks later at a friend's birthday dinner.

However this was early 2000s and pre Internet dating.

It worked for me when I was younger but I think now I've been single for a while I don't necessarily pick up on any signals , Tricky one, I think you do need to somehow show you're open to advances.

It is a cliche but it exists for a reason. Doesn’t mean it helps when you know what you want and can’t pretend it isn’t.

If you stop looking and never leave your home you definitely won’t meet someone. If you stop making finding a man your primary focus but do things you’re interested in where you’re likely to meet new people (and eligible men, so eg not ballroom dancing) you’ve got more chance.

Or that’s what I take it to mean.

It's just a case of being in the right place at the right time as opposed to looking or not. So many people meet their partners online so they were clearly 'looking'.
As I say even when not actively looking and being around plenty of men, they've hardly come queueing up for me. Ah well.

It happened to me but I was happily single for 2 years before my husband showed up

Yes I absolutely agree with that. I most definitely don't live my life with the aim of bagging some man.

I do things I enjoy and for me but it just hasn't happened regardless.

I'm not particularly looking ATM. I go to the gym for exercise, I went to a friend's gig to enjoy his music, I went to climb a mountain with a group, I travel etc.
I've done these things for me, certainly not because I've thought 'ooh there might be a man there".

I recently fancied someone at work. It doesn't mean I was 'looking', I just got to know him a bit, fancied him. Then I found out he was married, I was disappointed for all of 5 mins then moved on. Does that make me seem desperate?

Thing is though, regardless whether you had been actively 'looking', you'd probably still have gone to your friends birthday dinner & met your husband anyway 🤷🏼

Half a year is not long enough to worry about it.

Carry on 'not looking' for three years (unless you have a clock ticking on conception chances, in which case treat finding a DH as a full-time job in itself).

Use that three years to really spread your wings - try everything that takes your fancy - new hobbies, holidays, interests, groups, meet-ups, courses, etc. The more different things you are doing, the more interesting you become as a person. Develop yourself.

You need to be actively looking - not for men, but for new things you can try.