Sick of rejection, please be gentle

[Andyouresingingasong]

For the record I really do enjoy being single! I'm not desperate to have someone or to get married, I've just always been unlucky in love and it's disheartening.
I'm honestly thinking of completely giving up. I'd like to have a child someday perhaps and I'm 33 now, so I'm going to look into alternative methods.

I left my ex after 4 years for various reasons so I'm not just desperate to stick with any man for the sake of being with someone.

People will probably say it's my vibe, but I don't go round telling men I meet that I'm desperate to "settle down" or anything. I would've liked that with my ex because I loved him, but that doesn't mean I want it with anyone, period.

It will probably get shot down on here but I believe I have a lot going for me. I'm confident in my looks, I get a lot of compliments and men generally seem to be physically attracted.

I earn a good wage, I'm buying a flat alone atm. I'm good at my job and recently won an award for my work, I speak other languages, I've lived in other countries.

I'm good at sports, I recently did some sort of team-building fitness challenge with work colleagues and I won, beating the men even.

I don't need a man financially or otherwise but frequent rejections just make me feel like something's wrong with me.

I've got friends, good relationship with my family, people generally seem to like me. People often say I'm lovely, sweet, funny and stuff. I suppose I can have a bit of a laddish sense of humour but I know how to flirt if I'm getting good vibes.

I've got my flaws too and I've shown vulnerability with these men.

I'm not going for 6'3 on 6 figure salaries by any means. All the men I've liked are considered very 'normal' or average. Some people reckon I'm intimidating to these men so that's why they don't bother. I just don't see it, I don't know.

I've possibly just been really unlucky. A male colleague of mine who I vaguely knew went on this weekend activity and we got on great. He found out I was close to him in age and he admitted he'd thought I was a lot younger. I dropped him a very casual text and he seemed to reciprocate, just general chit chat but he stopped replying after my last text so i guess he wasn't interested.

There wasn't a question on it and I didn't say anything weird, it was just general work chat, but ahh well. Just grateful for any advice.

I don't know if you've tried it but there's a new dating app on Facebook.

I'll have a look, thank you :)

I've been with DH since I was 18, now 40, but I have 2 best friends my age and one is single, the other got married at 39 to someone we both went to school with. Both have always had busy work and social lives, and owned their own homes. There's something in the theory that some men are intimidated when they aren't "needed".

I do think there's a window between late 20s and late 30s where a lot of men are indeed married or in a LTR. All the dads in my NCT group were late 30s. I know a few men on their second marriage but they're late 40s onwards.

The paid-for dating apps may be better as they weed out the time wasters?

I believe you OP, I have a couple of friends a similar age who are permanently single. Both attractive, interesting, funny women with good jobs and lots going for them, but for whatever reason they haven't met anyone serious. I think there's been a bit of a cultural shift, more people are happy living alone into their 30s (and beyond), so people of both sexes are no longer feeling the pressure to couple up. And once you're into your 30s you've developed your own life, friends, interests, hobbies, and it's harder for someone to fit into that than when you're 21 and finding out who you are. I don't know the solution, but I agree not to dismiss the apps. I met my husband on an app (although recognised him from work), and I've given the same advice to lots of friends to just go on dates, not to expect much from the first date, it's a numbers game etc. One who was adamant the apps don't work met her bf of 3 years on Tinder.

I'm in the same boat (although I had my dc early) I'm 38 and I think I'm a catch, but quite honestly I think that men no longer want the commitment of a relationship when they can get sex without it. I'm so done with them!

Thank you everyone for being so understanding and taking the time to reply, you've helped me to feel better.

I think it would be really hard to meet someone in your early 30s these days without doing at least a bit of online dating? When you say men aren't interested, where are you actually meeting most of these uninterested men? If it's brief encounters, those don't usually lead to dates.

I think the obvious place to focus your attention is on apps where other people are looking for a relationship too. Maybe you could try different ones?

A few were at work, to be fair one of them had been single for almost a decade and seemed to have a few of his own issues going on.
And others I've mentioned were before the 4 year relationship I had so ranging from when I was 24 to 29 ISH.

You're right, I should try a paid app. However even the 'free' ones like Tinder and Hinge will charge you for a lot of stuff these days!

The men that weren't interested when I was 24-29, I briefly dated them all but they just never developed deeper feelings for me and therefore didn't want a relationship. However looking back, they were all so immature so thank goodness!