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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want ex to bring baby to a jacuzzi party

35 replies

LavenderFlowers · 04/06/2024 16:32

I need some perspective as I don't like my exes brother much and that may cloud my judgement with this

My exes brother is home from New York (flash finance guy) this week and wants to meet his nephew (he has sent presents but even when in England, he hasn't made effort to meet 11 month old DS). He is home this weekend and was due to meet DS at exes house for dinner so we changed days for him to have son. I was delighted they were finally meeting.

His brother has now said that the only time he is free to meet them is at a jacuzzi party that same afternoon. Brother likes a drink, as do his friends. He says his friends kids will be there and won't be near the jacuzzi but AIBU to not want DS in that environment with drinking/smoking etc? Ex won't be drinking as he will be driving (and doesn't drink much anyway)

OP posts:
NewNameNigel · 04/06/2024 20:08

Billyhargrovesmullet · 04/06/2024 19:21

No it isn’t, your child means you speak up for them in every situation or I do anyway. Unfortunately for your kids if you have any you don’t do that obviously

Show quote history

Of course you can speak up for then but the other parent can speak back and ultimately can chose what they do with their own child in their own time.

Unfortunately for your kids if you have any that chose to create them with someone you don't trust to keep them safe.

nobeans · 04/06/2024 20:09

LavenderFlowers · 04/06/2024 17:08

Thanks, we're new to post break up coparenting and we've been very flexible about knowing where the other brings baby. I didn't realise it was not my business as he shared it with me

That's nice of him but he didn't have to.

Anyway no I'd not be happy about it it sounds sleazy

carly2803 · 04/06/2024 20:15

LavenderFlowers · 04/06/2024 19:26

He isn't saying 'I am going and you can't say no'. We are both civil and kind and I hope it stays that way so I'm trying to be considerate

We have gone to a couple BBQ's and outdoor events but at least they're based around food. Bringing a baby to an event planned around alcohol doesn't seem ideal and the uncle originally made the plan for dinner to be suitable for baby/ex

I would be willing to pop in with baby if that was easier but brother hasn't given location of party yet

put it to him like this - put it as a favour! "i will bring the baby by for your brother to see"

Gowlett · 04/06/2024 20:20

Of course it’s your business!
I wouldn’t be happy about it…

Noseybookworm · 04/06/2024 22:26

I think you have to trust that your ex will take good care of his son, if you know he's a good dad. Surely he would leave if people were drinking heavily/taking drugs?

Original poster
LavenderFlowers · 04/06/2024 22:27

We both used to avoid these kinda brother events over the years as they weren't our scene but maybe I can hope is that the friend group may have matured

Just think brother should squeeze in nephew for even 30 minutes at a better location

OP posts:
Billyhargrovesmullet · 05/06/2024 08:54

NewNameNigel · 04/06/2024 20:08

Of course you can speak up for then but the other parent can speak back and ultimately can chose what they do with their own child in their own time.

Unfortunately for your kids if you have any that chose to create them with someone you don't trust to keep them safe.

Show quote history

Fortunately for my kids I did actually sweetie

NewNameNigel · 05/06/2024 09:19

Billyhargrovesmullet · 05/06/2024 08:54

Fortunately for my kids I did actually sweetie

Show quote history

Glad to hear that darling. I can tell you are still with him, which is great for you and your kids but means you don't fully appreciate the dynamics in a separated family. Let's hope you never have to.

NowYouSee · 05/06/2024 09:24

I suspect the ex has told OP so that Op will try and block it and he can then say to brother obviously he himself would be happy to have brought baby to (wholly unsuitably lairy) hot tub party but baby’s mum has thrown toys out of her pram and bitches be crazy so sorry he can’t bring him.

don’t fall for it Op. let your ex sort his own family shit out.

Original poster
LavenderFlowers · 05/06/2024 23:00

NowYouSee · 05/06/2024 09:24

I suspect the ex has told OP so that Op will try and block it and he can then say to brother obviously he himself would be happy to have brought baby to (wholly unsuitably lairy) hot tub party but baby’s mum has thrown toys out of her pram and bitches be crazy so sorry he can’t bring him.

don’t fall for it Op. let your ex sort his own family shit out.

The thought did cross my mind but I don't think he is

I bet the partying hosts probably don't want DS there either, they probably didn't expect a baby

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