To be so emotional. This broke my heart.

[Pinkpantsplesse]

Just noticed a lady carrying around a toy dolly. The lady I highly imagine had struggles as she was accompanied by a carer. She was holding the baby doll on her hip and stroking its head . She had a pram for the baby.

It absolutely broke my heart. I don’t mean to sound patronizing or anything . I had my second baby a year ago and I honestly am so emotional since. What I saw today made me feel so lucky to have two children and my heart broke seeing this lady with the doll.

Lately I am so emotional over everything . I feel the world is beautiful but so cruel. Anyone else ?

What about it broke your heart OP?

I think we are much more resilient when young because we aren’t aware of all the terrible things that can befall people, or the daily struggles people have to endure.

Having (and nearly losing) a baby was the thing for me that made me realise how vulnerable we all are and how life can change in an instant.

And now I am over sixty, I am aware of private tragedies happening all around me, as friends and family start to lose long-term partners or get ill themselves. And yet being widowed after a very long marriage or partnership is “normalised” as something that happens so frequently, that it is barely worth mentioning.

So yes op. I often feel upset but as you say it makes you very aware of trying not to complain and being grateful for the people in your life and everything you have.

Why is that heartbreaking? The woman was having a day out with her doll. Maybe she was having a great day, you have no idea.

I imagine the OP was emotionally affected by a vulnerable person who has need of a carer and, presumably, a much lower mental than physical age. The doll in this instance was perceived by the OP as the child the vulnerable woman would never be likely to have.

Having seen first hand the joy and sense of calm a reborn doll can bring to a family member, the only thing that breaks my heart is the attitude of others. People staring, commenting, making fun or showing disgust. And I've witnessed all of those.
And threads on here stating how "creepy" and "gross" reborns are.

I know what you mean. When I was a teenager I was a counsellor at a summer camp for children and adults with special needs. It did make me a bit sad seeing grown women carrying around and looking after dolls. They clearly had maternal feelings and probably would have loved their own baby but sadly because of their complex needs this will likely never happen for them. As someone who knows the feeling of longing for a child, I’m very grateful I am in a position to have children and I really feel for others who aren’t as fortunate.

That wasn't directed at you OP

But I would say, try and see the joy and feel good about that, rather than sadness by comparison.

There is an elderly lady (probably late 70s) who I see around town with her Reborn doll, sometimes it is in a pram others she is rocking and stroking its head. I will hand on heart say it looks very odd to see an elderly lady cradling a doll like it is real. She is always alone so I presume no dementia etc.

I loved my reborn dolls, I had three. I have children and grandchildren but still loved my dolls.

I sold them when I needed money urgently but I think reborns are definitely not gross or creepy.

They are often works of art aren't they? I'm sorry that you had to sell yours.

They often give babies to people with dementia too I believe/l. Not sure why but I think it must be comforting

Thinking it is one thing. But you'd be surprised how many people voice their thoughts.

@ginasevern The op doesn't know anything about the woman. The doll could just be something that the woman loves, the same way a child would cherish a doll or stuffed animal. Yes there's a chance that the woman was struggling with something but equally there's a chance that she's very happy and living in her own wee happy world.

My aunt is 72 and has a doll. She has complex needs and is deaf. She could never have a relationship or children and only goes out with a carer or family. She is very happy op 😊

You're sad because you're projecting. You would hate to need a carer. You would hate to be a person who substitutes a doll for a baby. But as PP pointed out, this woman may be perfectly content and a lot happier than many people. There is a great deal of misery in this world its true. But its important not to assume where it lies as you end up patronising some people while overlooking others. Awareness of the cruelty of the world can be channelled into something positive. Donate to charity, support campaigns, volunteer a bit of your time if you can. It helps with the sadness.

Not unreasonable to be emotional but no need to be sad.

My 14 year old ND child has loads of stuffie toys and they make him happy.

He asked me if he had to give them up when he became a teenager I said he could keep them as long as he likes, till he's an old man if that's what he wants

I know what you mean op. My older brother has severe learning disabilities and just sometimes seeing him walking round clutching his (toddler style) colouring books and pack of felt tips at 50 years old makes me feel so sad. He's not sad, but I feel sad that he never really grew up.

One of the saddest stories I ever heard was from one of my elderly lady clients when I was a carer, about 20 years ago. Her best friend got married (around the 1930s I would think) best friend had a baby and unfortunately was diagnosed with what would probably now be called post partum psychosis. She was admitted to a psychiatric facility and remained there for the rest of her life. The baby was adopted and she never saw her/him ever again. I realise that back then they probably didn't the same understanding of this illness as they do now, it was so sad and I've never forgotten the story x

OhshutupBarbara

There is an elderly lady (probably late 70s)…She is always alone so I presume no dementia etc

Not necessarily true, one of my neighbours had dementia and lived alone. Her son ignored her, I reported my concerns that she needed support to social services and gp, unclear whether they did anything she often wandered around alone.

Agreed. I used to volunteer at a play scheme for children with disabilities. This was over 15 years ago, but I still remember a gorgeous little girl with Downs Syndrome telling me how much she loved babies, and feeling so sad that she'd probably never have one.

Dolls (and also sometimes cuddly toys) are often a comfort to people with dementia. I think it's partly about having something to physically cuddle and hold (which almost everyone finds comforting, frankly) and partly about having something to focus on and care for.

So sad

Similar happened to a lady who had given birth around the time my Nan did, so 1943. The lady had twins and developed PPP.

Same thing happened to Her.
Put into a psychiatric hospital that she never ever left.

😥

I read (on here) that some women with dementia revert back to their mothering/caring days and they find great comfort in looking after a doll. It made me feel emotional thinking about how lucky I am to right now be living through the days where my children are young, where all the needs I have to love and care for them are met and returned by my children's love. But also emotional to think how short lived and transient these days are. One day I too might suffer from dementia and pour this love I have for them into caring for a doll without knowing that's what's happening. I don't know if this is description is accurate to the experience of people with dementia who have dolls, but it's a sobering and saddening thought.

The woman you saw had a carer and she was enjoying a day out with her doll that she clearly loves.

Nothing you have described suggests you should feel sad or "heartbroken". If this is the saddest thing you have seen, you either live a charmed life, or you aren't looking hard enough.

She most likely had dementia and the doll brings her great joy. Not sure why you would be heartbroken over that. Because you have a real baby ? I'm sure she's very happy with hers.