To think commenting on someone’s weight is rude big or small?

[Steppingintome]

2 years ago I was a size 20, overweight, in pain, feeling ill as well as low mood all the time, sweating and nothing nice fit me clothing wise. I decided to do something about it and I’ve lost over 8st. I’m a size 10 a healthy BMI and most of my weight related complaints have gone. It’s not been easy and I’m so proud of myself. My doctor is pleased with my results and I’m now at a ‘happy’ weight

Nobody really commented on my appearance when I was bigger. Sometimes I felt like people wanted to and I used to feel awkward eating or in some clothes I wore etc but nobody said anything. Since I’ve lost weight people keep mentioning how skinny I am. Either directly to my face or through sly comments. In the past week alone someone’s said I look drawn in the face, 2 people have said how I look too thin and one person even said I was wasting away. I’ve also experienced comments on my lack of breasts and like ‘people like you wouldn’t know what it’s like to want a biscuit but your too fat so you can’t’ and ‘it’s ok for skinny arse who can wear what she wants, look you can see bones’

People think it’s rude to comment on someone’s weight if they are over weight but think they have free rein to comment on someone slim. Aibu to think this is still rude??!!

YNBU but have to say you know some strange people, OP. I've also had some quite significant weight loss and people only tell me how well I look, nothing negative. Are these people in your life jealous or negative in general?

I'm a bigger person but I am well aware that many people lose their appetite when their mental health declines. I wouldn't dream of commenting on someone's slim body because you don't know how they got it.

I think the tide is changing and people are becoming more aware of this. I like to respond to comments about my weight changes with "I'd rather you didn't talk about my body". That usually shuts them up and they learn not to do it again.

I had a friend tell me I'm too thin and have got no boobs or bum after losing weight/toning up. I had a guy at work say "eat a burger you skinny bitch", both comments came in the same week. I wasn't unheathily thin at all. Some people are just rude, and no, it's not ok at all, its damaging to your self-esteem. I felt very self-conscious for ages afterwards.

I agree with you @Steppingintome

I'm face similar following a six stone weight loss. People think it's okay to constantly comment on my weight, appearance, my clothes, that I looked better when I was fat, what I eat and when, what I refuse to eat - the list goes on and on.

It's tiresome.

I used to let these comments go. I don't now.

Congratulations on your weight loss

I agree, I’m a size 6-8 and there’s not a single day when I’m at work that it’s not commented on. It’s irritating.

Yanbu.

Mind you, it's more often someone who weighs less than me going on about their diet and weight all the time, which is both boring and implies they'd be thoroughly disgusted to have a body as big as mine. Which is less than polite, in my book.

One of these people I know but not really well. Two of them were close relatives (one always very negative). The rest friends/colleagues

Dont get me wrong I have had lots of people comment positively saying how well I’ve done and I look great etc, however I feel some people feel they can say what they want because it’s not as rude to say I’m skinny as it is to call someone fat!

YANBU.

I've always been very slim. Over the last few years I've also gotten very toned.

I feel like my body is completely fucking open country for comments. Most are complimentary, some are basically neutral, the minority are just downright fucking offensive. It pisses me off. But its really hard to articulate why its rude, especially when people are complimentary.

I think people feel its perfectly okay to comment on bodies which fit social norms of health, desirability and beauty. But its not. Just don't fucking comment on other people's bodies no matter what they look like.

I can imagine it would be. Now I’m slimmer I make an effort not to really complain about my weight/body or comment on other peoples appearance just incase it upsets anyone. When was heavier and slimmer people made remarks about diet it made me feel upset and uncomfortable too x

A woman at work I barely knew once said she wanted to force feed me a burger.

I know it's meant to be a compliment but sometimes it can be a bit aggressive.

It's really fucking rude. My MIL must have told me I look "gaunt" at least 100 times when I was skinny and working out a lot. My fil used to fat shame my husband for being a normal weight as opposed to a string bean which he used to be. People should just shut the fuck up

Just to annoy anyone who slim shamed me when I was skinny I would be sure to eat crap in front of them (like during an event at work, my supervisor said "makes you sick doesn't it")

It's a tricky one. I've lost 9st so far with another couple to go. I've been getting lot's of compliments on my appearance and I enjoy it because it validates the work I've been putting in. Knowing that people are noticing is also helping me with motivation because I feel like it's a bit of indirect accountability. Not everyone is gonna feel like this, though.

As a general rule, I wouldn't comment on someone's weight unless it's to compliment obvious weight loss but only if the person has been openly talking about trying to lose weight and I know that would be a motivator for them. If someone's weight is changing and I don't know what's going on behind it, I'd keep my mouth shut.

People do go to far though, commenting on how your breasts have changed or saying that you're "too thin" is overstepping, though.

Well done on your weight loss, it's not easy and you must have had tremendous resilience to do it. Unfortunately I think when there is a visible change in someone's body it opens some sort of weird space for dialogue, as you say there is a sort of social contract that we don't really comment when weight goes up, but we are all over it when weight goes down, most people still respect social boundaries and keep it fairly light, you look well, how did you do it, but some people see it as fair game to really comment on others bodies which is never ok if it's unsolicited eg what a big difference, you look SO much younger, this is amazing etc in effect telling you how crap/big you looked before which they couldnt really say, or you get the whole you're too skinny now, you've gone too far etc etc, it's frustrating and we don't say to naturally/consistently skinny people hey your low body fat ages you. It's always about them and their hang ups and not about us. I am losing weight and I am not looking forward to discussion on my body with people as it becomes visible, i am hoping ill find ways to shut it down eg i liked how i looked before and now, im focusing on health. I haven't told many people I'm on a serious weight loss plan, I'm not drastically overweight (2.5 stone) but someone the other day offered me a coffee and said these biscuits have next to no calories in them, assuming I MUST be dieting as I am overweight (sz12) I felt gutted. For a couple of years I've been ok with my increased weight, I love and respect my body but I've decided I want to be fitter and healthier heading towards peri menopause, and as I say goodbye to this bigger body I feel protective of it too, it's my journey and I am not that interested in how other people think it should look. Same as haircuts, you'll always get arseholes saying oh you look much better like that or I liked your long hair, ummm cheers Trevor you seem like you have your finger on the pulse of styling in your stripey shirt and chinos.

This is a brilliant approach