To start TTC 3-6 months before wedding due to fertility issues?

[CranberryHedgehog]

DP (37) and I (34) are getting married early next year. I'm worried about difficulties conceiving as a result of low progesterone but GP won't do anything until we've been trying unsuccessfully for 12 months. Would we BU to start trying before our wedding (3-6 months beforehand) due to these worries?

Wedding is fairly low key - registry office followed by afternoon tea and then BBQ food later on in the evening. I'm not too bothered about drinking - I can take it or leave it tbh. Main concern would be how I'm feeling plus my dress possibly not fitting if we did conceive quickly but conversely I'm also worried about it taking longer and GP not helping, so eager to start soon. DP is very much onboard with starting as soon as I feel comfortable tbh so no concerns on that front.

Anyone have any experience of TTC prior to their wedding due to fertility concerns?

I would start trying, but maybe take a break at the point where conceiving would leave you 6-10 weeks pregnant at your wedding, as that is the time you're most likely to feel shit.

Obviously you could be unlucky and have sickness that lasts all through your pregnancy but that is much less likely.

Honestly? I wanted a baby so bad I can't think of anything that would have made me skip even 1 month of trying!

Being pregnant at your wedding isn't a huge negative IMO and could be sweet for the photos.

For your mental health - give it a go for the months where that would put you 3-7 or 8 months preg at wedding. Then give it a rest as you don’t need the suspense and anxiety really close to wedding, just let yourselves focus on each other for that. Then start again after!

We started trying before our wedding and was 5 months pregnant on the day! No regrets at all x

Thanks all. Honestly I think I'd find it really difficult to stop trying once we've started. But you do make a good point @Mydustymonstera about focusing on each other for those months closest to the wedding. I'm not sure if I'd be more anxious giving it a break for those months or if I'd be more anxious trying and not getting anywhere.

I was 5m pregnant and had the best day ever. Bought a dress that wraps round (it wasn't a traditional wedding dress).

It doesn't look like I can edit my OP but I should add that I do already have my dress, but I don't think I'd be able to adjust it to account for later on in pregnancy. There is some room so early pregnancy should be fine but obviously who knows when you'll start to show. Mind you it's likely to cost me £200+ in alterations anyway (length etc) without being pregnant so if I couldn't wear it I would then have the £200 to spend on a maternity dress.

Just crack on, plenty of people get married whilst pregnant. Dresses can be let out or you can buy a new one.

You’ll never regret trying earlier.

I knew I had issues so we didn’t wait to try. Zero regrets although life would have been easier if we’d waited a couple years.

I would start. So what if you have a bump, you'll be so happy being pregnant it will be an even better occasion for you.

Not the same thing exactly, but my sister was getting married abroad and I was bridesmaid but TTC. I planned out the months and decided I could go if 7 months pg or less, or when baby was 6 weeks old, something like that. I took a break TTC for those middle few months so i was guaranteed to make it either way.

Remember that you can conceive on the first month, if you don't want to be pregnant then don't start. Only you know which matters more to you

This is where we landed on this really - we’d been trying for 3 years nearly by the time we ‘got engaged’ (always knew we’d get married, at this point it was a bit of oh well the baby clearly isn’t coming - let’s have a party and focus on that for a bit!) We just kept on with fertility treatment/ ttc although without much hope right through the 15 months or so we were engaged, I don’t think we expected it to happen for us we had the mindset that if it did that was more important than the wedding, we’d just work round it.

As it happened I ended up being about 9 weeks pregnant at the wedding. I didn’t have much sickness thankfully but I was KNACKERED, and also so so anxious about it all particularly as I’d had a few bleeds. I was terrified the worst would happen on the day itself, and slept like absolutely shit in the run up and not at all the night before. I still had the most amazing day, managed to somehow put it out of my mind for the day, and wouldn’t really change anything looking back.

In the many years of trying (including when I was ttc in a previous relationship) I only ever got pregnant the once, with DD. I’m so glad that we didn’t hold off.

Thanks for sharing your experience. How did you find those middle months when you weren't trying? I guess it's a bit different in our scenario as we'd be waiting to try for a few months (I've relatively recently started a new job that offers enhanced maternity pay but only after a certain length of time) so any gaps would be because of not wanting to be too early pregnancy rather than near due date if that makes sense. I would worry about stopping though so I think once we start we'd probably just keep trying.

Sorry to hear it's been so difficult but I'm so happy for you that it worked out for you.

It's a long time ago now and I don't remember details but it was a bit of a worry about the lost opportunity along with a relief to not have sex and be able to have a few glasses of wine during the two week wait. TTC is so draining, you might enjoy the break.

I should add, we were younger and unaware of fertility issues at the time so our mindset was a bit different.

Thanks! Good point about appreciating the break 🙂

I had fertility issues and started a month before but I personally think (sorry) it looks tacky being pregnant in a wedding dress and my dress was beautiful and fitted so I didn’t want that to be a factor.

I do actually regret trying that month too as I wasn’t pregnant but I couldn’t enjoy drinking etc as I didn’t know!

No need to apologise @Anxiousheartbeat, I appreciate we all have different views 😊 Can I ask if there's a particular reason you think it looks tacky being pregnant in a wedding dress?

I would start trying if I were you but also be prepared for the fact that it might happen very quickly. I’ve been on both sides of the story. I was trying for my first for about 2 weeks and got pregnant immediately. 37 now and have been trying for a second for about 3 years. I think if you want to try do it asap but you never know you might end up pregnant at the wedding. I’d imagine if you do you will be happy anyway!

We started before we got married but it didn’t happen. We then took a break so that I wouldn’t be heavily (about to give birth) at the wedding. We carried on after our wedding. It then took another 9 months for us to finally get a BFP. I’m currently 5.2 days pregnant and highly anxious because it took us so long to get here!

I was 19 weeks pregnant and hadn't told anyone. I had a lovely day and when I look back at the photos you can sort of tell but not at all in an obvious way. I wouldn't change a thing.

You could compromise and try around 3 months before. That way you are unlikely to be showing much at the wedding.

I have been in your exact position. We’d actually been TTC for a year and then I got pregnant in the Jan and was due to get married in the July. Sadly had a miscarriage. I started the referral to the fertility dept in the hospital straight afterwards and was seen in the August. Had a laparoscopy privately in October and got pregnant and had my 1st son. I did stop TTC after the miscarriage as I decided I didn’t want to be early pregnant for my wedding as I felt so awful in pregnancy.

One thing I will say is get the referral to the fertility clinic asap - things can move quite slow depending on what trust you are in. I had recurring miscarriages before I had my second child and I made sure I contacted my gp with each miscarriage and was referred to the epu so I was referred quite quickly and then given progesterone.

Wishing you all the best and a wonderful wedding! @CranberryHedgehog

Thanks all. Sorry to hear it was so difficult @Shattereddreamsparkway. I totally agree re fertility referrals moving slowly. Our friends have been awaiting IVF for ages and are soon to be starting their first round next month. Unfortunately they won't complete any referrals until a year of trying.