Aibu Child maintenance

[saffierose00]

Wasn't sure which topic to post this under I'm new to mumsnet
My kids father currently refuses to pay anything towards the children (4 and 1)
He has them usually from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon , if he for whatever reason misses a day then he usually will have them extra night the following weekend and me pick them up in the morning.
I moved out our 2 bed rented flat 9 months ago, was in a family hostel for a bit until moving into a council flat. I'm not currently working but I'm wanting to be, I just live in a small village and don't drive and with a lack of nursery spaces near me it's difficult currently
He refuses to pay anything, on the basis that I've "put him in this position" as he wanted to have one child 3 nights , the other 1 night and then also apply for all the uc and benefits for first child and me apply for 2nd child. I said no that's ridiculous obviously.
He's obviously not a complete absent father as does have them every weekly however obviously I spend a lot more on them , I buy all their clothes , pay for all their activities. He very very rarely even takes them out of the flat on days he has them
I'm considering applying for child maintenance. He says he's struggling a lot financially tho seemingly just chooses not to work for big lengths of time. He tried to tell me that any payments I got would be deducted from UC would be pointless but I think thats untrue from what I googled. He also says they wouldn't make him pay anything because he's classed a self employed and doesn't earn much/work much , but he has to announce his earrings to UC so this seems false also.
I recently asked him if he could send some money towards kids as in the same month I was going Haven , the kids needed next size up shoes and needed some more summery style clothes , and a new car seat. He pretty much laugh emojied me and said firmly absolutely not

He basically says I'm being unreasonable asking him to send any money when he's struggling as his rents also gone up altho it's just him and the gf I suspect he lives with , no other kids , and he says that it would be pointless anyway
So AIBU?

Any advice on whether it would actually be pointless would be appreciated

Sorry is he having the children every other week for 1 week or for 1 night?

Sorry for not being clearer
He usually has them one night every week. This is usually a Saturday but sometimes a Friday as I'm flexible with this for him

Recently he's missed that a couple times and cancelled on having them but makes it up by having them for 2 nights the following weekend.

CM is not deducted from UC.

Contact the CMS. They are mostly useless, but you should get something.

Submit a child maintenance claim and ignore his rubbish. If a claim goes through be mindful he might start acting like father of the year (briefly!) and ask for 50/50 so he can avoid paying maintenance

It is if UC is the only source of income for the NRP and a detachment of earnings has been issued, It's a paltry £7-ish.

I meant it is not deducted from OPs UC like her ex has told her it will be.

Don't let him claim for the children, the cheek of it.

He is lying to you.

Submit a claim for CMS right now, you should have done it the day after you left him.

Put in a claim, definitely. Child maintenance is not means tested, it won’t affect your UC application at all. He’s just trying to put you off because he’s a lousy father. If he’s not working much then it won’t be a high amount as it’s based on his wages but it’s better than 0. I certainly wouldn’t be splitting child benefit or anything like that with him either, you’ll only end up paying for everything for both children still. It’s in their best interests that you do the bulk of looking after them by the sound of it.

He's a CF isn't he?;even having one child 3 nights a week doesn't mean he'd be able to claim UC and CB for said child.

CM money isn't taken off your UC payments either;he's trying to do you and your children out of money you're entitled to for raising them.

Put in for a claim for CM today and stop letting your ex bully you.

I understand he will have to submit his tax returns, which is his problem.

well done you on leaving him and for coping in the hostel for a few months. i don't believe that will have been easy.

He wanted to see one of his children for 3 nights a week and the other just for 1 night...for extra benefits? Holy shit what a twat.

Well done for getting TF outta there!

100% put a CMS claim in, right now. Your children need and deserve it. It will NOT have any effect on your UC, he is lying.

Agree with above put in all the claims for all the things!

It will not affect your uc. I think what he is threatening though is that because he’s self employed he has to declare his earnings, and child maintenance is worked out from that. It’s very common for self employed dads to start lying about their earnings so that their cm payments get reduced. But given the fact he’s currently giving you literally nothing, at least you’ll get something

When I very first left him he was having our eldest 2-3 nights and refused to have younger one more than 1 night and at first refused nights at all with him. He actually took me to mediation over trying to get benefits for eldest. As soon as that failed and it became clear he wasn't getting what he wants he started having them both 1 night a week.

That's what Id also be concerned about tbh. He's a shitty dad with them, never takes them out the house ever. If he's anything like when I was with him he refuses to have anyone come round too. Theres been times I've picked them up and my daughter's not had her hair brushed, or their teeth clearly haven't been cleaned, my son in too small clothes, or both often put in jumpers when it's hot outside etc
On his days when he briefly had her more he'd just often not take my daughter into nursery so hence his night is now at the weekend

So I'd be worried he would try and have them 50/50 because I don't trust them in his care for more than one night

If he is self employed and taking dividends request a variation of income assessment with the CMS as this is also taxable income which counts. Not so handy if he's only recently become self employed but something to think about.

Just go to CMS and let them figure it out. He's not giving you anything currently so anything you will get is a bonus. If he's earning such a small amount that he gets UC, don't expect it to be a lot though. As for access, keep to the 1 night a week and let him take you court for more.