AIBU to think that some men use playfighting as a weapon against children?

[NotSoFunThis]

I was talking with a cousin about how a relative used to aggressively play fight with us when we were young. We enjoyed it at first but it’d quickly become too much considering that we were two young girls. He’d also tickle us way past the point of comfort. My parents stopped me going to his house.

I’ve seen this with others too. Just one example. A friend’s ex bf used to be very aggressive with her two small boys and it’d inevitably end in tears and sometimes small injuries. I think it was actually an act of aggression in the guise of play.

AIBU to think that play fighting can sometimes(Not always) be a form of released aggression or frustration against small children?

You are correct. Your first example sounds creepy and the second one sounds violent.

Playfighting can be very useful for children to understand their own strength and boundaries but not like this.

Yeah I’ve definitely witnessed this - tickling a child when it’s clear they are distressed and actively enjoying the power

My abusive ex would do thus. It's to exert power and control and remind the child who is the boss.
I found he did it more with the boys as If threatened by them.
He'd tickle them to the point of pain and nausea and take off on me when id intervene.

If they were ever lying on the floor watching tv he would pin them down with his foot until they said something like daddy is the best. Torture. I would fly in trying to stop it and take the blow for them. If I showed him up by calling him out or telling him he's disgusting he would smash something in the house,this made me scared that the kids would prefer to be harmed rather than me and the house. He's a pathetic bully.

yep, my own dad did this to me, he used to call it "teasing"🙄

I was tormented and thrown in the air, despite me nearly hysterical, saying that I did not like it

This went on to my brother and uncle and grandfather, throwing insects on me just to see me scream

cunts the lot of them

Could not believe it when I met my DH , a man that not do those things! thought all men did this to women/girls

I’m so sorry for all that you’ve all been through. 💐

Thanks to all for sharing your opinions and stories. It does seem to be unfortunately all too common for men to use it as a weapon even sometimes against their female partners.

My husband gave me a Chinese burn thinking it was funny when we were first together, he sprained my wrist (yes I know..why did I marry him?)

My dad used to play fight with us, but it was always fun and we always felt safe. I haven't experienced it but I can imagine that some men would use it as a show of alpha power, which is pathetic.

I have (had) a step-cousin, my auntie married his dad in the 1970s, and he was 6 years older than me. When I was about 7 and he was about 13, he used to pin me down and tickle me until I was virtually sobbing and begging him to stop. He used to lock me in the dark pantry too - 'just for a laugh,' and 'playfight' and squeeze my arms tight til they bruised. 'Just for a laugh.' Horrible vile bully. He also tugged at my hair til my head bled.

Got with a 19 y.o. girl/woman when he was about 30 - late starter, and got her pregnant. She was with him for 3 years before she left him. He beat the 3 year old in a temper, and knocked the shit out of her several times. (Wasn't til he beat the child that she left.)

He is in his 60s now, and is a sad and nasty man who has no-one, has been alone for 25 years, has not held a job down for more than 10 years out of the 45 years of worklife, and has been inside prison twice for assault and abuse and violent behaviour towards women. My auntie and his dad divorced in the early 2000s, and she AND his dad disowned him many years ago.

tl;dr @NotSoFunThis I agree. Some men use 'playfighting' as an excuse to bully and control.

Yanbu. I clearly remember feeling horrible and helpless by adult males "tickling" my feet, they would poke theor fingers into the soles and it was painful and distressing, and my desperate attempts to get away were funny to them. Weird because otherwise I have good memories about these people but this was a particularly unpleasant thing that happened from time to time and now through an adult lens I can't see how they wouldn't know how I was feeling.

My dad and other relatives used to play fight with me and my siblings and we really, really loved it. But My dad is also used to tickle us which I absolutely hated! I really do think some people just don’t understand how unpleasant tickling can be for people, I have one child that loves being tickled and she seems to find if hard to understand that not everyone enjoys it. I do give my kids a tickle sometimes but not for longer than a second and always stop when they say.

I've never experienced it in my family, but a BFF's ExH used to do that to his son (her SS). Holding him down, wrestling him to the ground, twisting his arm behind his back "Say Uncle", etc. She intervened as much as she could but he just laughed at her.

He kept it up until his son was about 12 (IIRC). The final time it happened he had walked up behind his son and grabbed him around the chest and started squeezing him saying "Gonna make you pass out, hahaha". The son, terrified, managed to break the hold, and on pure reflex spun round and gave him a good round house to the jaw. He was tall for his age and managed to catch his dad off balance and knocked him to the floor. I know, one should never condone violence, but he had it coming to him.

The result was that SS walked out and refused to go back to their house and his mum said that he (the dad) was welcome to take her back to court. BFF looked at her own baby son, packed up and left the bastard.

He's another old and bitter man who doesn't understand why his children want nothing to do with him.

Honestly I would condone him in this case, though obviously I’m sad a 12 year old boy was forced to do so. I definitely think there is a difference between a child initiating violence and one simply trying to defend himself from physical abuse. All I could think as I read your comment was ‘good on you son!’

This whole thread is tragic. It just reinforces how there is no technique that abusive men won’t use to target their victims. My children’s father sadly passed away from leukaemia in his early 50s. We had three children together and he was the most wonderful coparent with my wife and I. They always had so much fun with their dad and loved to horse around and play fight. The accounts here couldn’t be more different than that, and he was never anything but gentle and loving with them.

I completely agree. I had an uncle who would go way too far with play fighting/ teasing, and seemed to enjoy being rough enough to hurt us, and put us in positions where we were helpless. My parents were a bit scared of him I think, never stood up to him much except with a weedy "ooh stoppit Colin, what are you like <eyeroll>.
Interestingly he didn't do it to his golden child DC.
You are right, it's a display if power and dominance and I only half realised that at the time.