To not tell DH about Sexual Abuse in the past?

[Farmwifefarmlife]

That basically.
I have been fine and dealt with it and never had an issue I did tell a previous Bf and they didn’t believe me and it absolutely crushed me. The only issue is around 6months ago after me & DH had sex all I could think about was the abuse and ever since I’ve not had sex with DH he did absolutely nothing wrong and we’ve always had a really good sex life. Things obviously now are obvious I don’t want to have sex but I don’t want to tell DH about it. AIBU?

If you don't want to have sex with your husband because of SA you're not over it?

I'd get more support for your mental health. Are you happy to be married? Is your husband good for you?

It's totally up to you if you tell him but he may not want to be in a sexless marriage

around 6months ago after me & DH had sex all I could think about was the abuse and ever since I’ve not had sex with DH
Gently, OP, you haven't dealt with it and it is an issue. Please get some help/counselling/therapy. Big hugs.

Yeh we are a good team I’m currently pregnant with no3. It’s only recently happened that I don’t want to have sex, before I was fine and have been fine with previous partners albeit 1. It’s the thought of having sex not the actual sex that’s the problem.

Imo your dh should be your Go To person. My dh would be devastated to think I couldn't tell him such a thing...

Yes sometimes these things lie deep inside us until we're more ready to deal with them. But it hasn't gone away. And now it needs your attention.

I worry about him not believing me. I’m worried he will think it’s an excuse or I’ve made it up to avoid sex. I don’t feel we are emotionally close if that makes sense.

I really think you need to trust him. This is having an impact on your marriage and it won't go away until you deal with it properly.
Your husband may be gutted you didn't say anything until now so be prepared for that.

I want to he’s just not the most understanding I worry he won’t believe me.

This is your problem I think. Why do you feel he wouldn't believe you?

You don't have to tell anyone. By not telling him, you're protecting yourself, in your present circumstances.

Perhaps it is time to start therapy. It will take a long time and be upsetting. Tell your GP, ask for talking therapy, get on a waiting list.

You are under no moral obligation to tell your DH, at all.

I would also note that you are 'not emotionally close'. I only had one pregnancy but I was incredibly emotionally needy at that time. You really do need someone to talk to, not necessarily about the SA, just to get reassurance. Who was supportive in your previous pregnancies?

Sometimes, we hold on to things that have happened, keep them to ourselves, until we are ready to address them. It might be coming to the time when you are ready to address the abuse, in ways you weren't ready for before. Take it steady. Look after yourself, be gentle with yourself. There's no 'ought' in these situations.

There must be something about what happened during "that time 6 months ago" that triggered these feelings. If you can't tell him about your past at least express your dislike for whatever it was. You're three kids in, this hasn't come from nowhere, or has it?

Thank you, I do feel very vulnerable and I would like some emotional support this isn’t DH strongpoint, I did struggle last time a little with the pregnancy. My best friend was very supportive last time but she has just gone through a miscarriage so trying not to put too much on her and be there for her.