Wedding funds

[MumofHennHals]

AIBU? We are getting married next year ( I know mums net hates a wedding )

But when we got engaged, my parents instantly said we would give you x amount towards your day. Which is so generous, it made me cry with appreciation!

My partners parents said they'd gift us some money towards the day too to help us out.

My partner hasn't got a figure, and the day is slowly approaching.... we just get 'tell us how much you need' which isn't helpful 😂

Is it unreasonable for DP to ask how much? Fully expecting to pay for it all myself, I haven't gone above and beyond in hopes someone will pay for it for me... it would just be helpful to budget better!!!!

I hate situations like this, I feel your pain! Could you plan according to your budget (yours and what your parents have given you) and then treat anything they give as a bonus? It could replace what you’ve lost on savings or go towards honeymoon, car, flat etc.

Present them with the bills that you would like them to pay and you will find out the number!

Be prepared that this may be their way of back tracking and may not contribute as much as you hoped.

Hmm I wouldn’t ask myself I would let them gift what they want in an envelope on the day at this point as if you are uncomfortable asking for a figure or dh is, you will just be spinning in circles. It’s a bit messy really, I would rather just be given an amount without them asking how much. It takes the good out of it a bit really despite it being generous!

I'd just pay myself and then whenever they present you with money put it back to your bank.

My parents gave us money towards the wedding, but they did it like for example giving me money to put towards a dress and then later giving some money to put towards the reception venue etc.
My husbands parents said they’d like to contribute but didn’t give any number etc so we just asked them to sort out the alcohol and other drinks. So they organised all the drinks and paid for it etc. I’ve no idea how much it all cost, they never asked us to contribute to that.
So I think if there’s no number given it’s easier to just ask them to pay for a certain thing.

It isn't an unreasonable question for them to ask. You might be spending £5k on your wedding or £40k. They won't know what weddings cost now if they haven't been through planning one before and they don't know what your plans are.

If they are contributing a significant amount of cash towards your wedding, let them see what your rough plans are and how much the big ticket items cost - venue, bar bill, dresses/outfits, cars, band, photographer, cake, flowers, invites etc etc.

Let them know what items your parents have offered to help with (which lets them work out what your parents are contributing) and tell them you'll let them think about what they would like to contribute towards/organise and pay for directly.

I think your DP should just ask them how much? Or if that's a bit awkward, I'd probably ask if there was something specific they would like to pay for (venue, alcohol, flowers, suits etc) and give some ballpark figures so they can pick something that sits broadly in budget.

I agree, "would you like to contribute towards the flowers/ photographer/ lamee tablecloths? They're likely to be around £xxx in total".

Op why doesnt your partner just speak to his parents, it's their child I'm sure they can have a open chat to confirm. Your partner could just go in and say the inlaws are giving x amount do you want to give the same or less and go from their. It's their child I'm sure he can ask. It's not rude , they did offer and their comments about it isn't being helpful so I'm sure your hubby to be can push them in the right direction.

I would give them a specific thing to pay for: ‘It would be great if you could cover the flowers/photographer/whatever. We’re looking at about £xxx, is that okay?’

We have budgeted money for DS wedding its in our spreadsheet. He does have a long term GF so hopefully we may get to gift it as we adore her.

I actually love weddings and have been to well over 30.

Just tell them your approx budget. They will probably have a set amount they are thinking that they will go up to. Regardless of what DS and any potential wife may want the gift put aside is what it is.

Thanks everyone, we had a conversation with them last night and they made us out to be silly and cute for worrying about asking, they said the money was sitting there and the figure they had in mind which is great help. they just was waiting for us to ask for it 😅😅😅 bless them!

Thanks for all your advice xxxx

Use the money for a deposit on a house not on a one day event.

I think the same as above, if you already own a house then fine, but if you don't put the money towards a deposit, you can still have a register office ceremony and meal in a pub.

Aw thanks for the advice, but we already own our dream home and have 2 beautiful children, we decided to go with the wedding and marriage last with everything else in order first, so this is a day to celebrate me joining the family together and me marrying my love and finally sharing the same name as my babies xxx

Great that you already own a home so you can spend what you want on a lovely family get together. I get stressed easily and would hate a big wedding so I did the register office and a big takeaway thing.