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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated with a woman who keeps flirting with my DP even though he makes it clear he's not up for grabs?

16 replies

mumblesmummy · 06/04/2008 17:04

I posted a while ago because DPs friend got him a well paid job, but said that he'd pass him along to this woman and all he had to do was flirt, and that she would try and sleep with him because she does with everyone. This was quite a hoohaa, because do you believe something like that? I thought he was taking the piss, but it actually turned out to be true.

Thankfully, my DP got his interview with the other boss (who is male) and got the job because he's very good at what he does.

I don't see why he should not have a well paid job just because of some woman. However, I didn't like her phone calls with him, she was very flirty and said some rather inappropriate things, and then when he went to see her to sort out hours and benefits, she was much too forward for my liking.

But he's not a cheat, and he can be trusted, plus she's much older and I think, really, she's making a fool of herself, so I sent him off to work there.

That's just the bakground.

Anyway, she continues to flirt in phone calls, which I hear, because it's on his mobile so if I'm next to him I can hear what's said, and he in no way eggs her on. So I thought she'd get the message but she's just not.

The other boss gave him a rota and then she changed it so that she's in with my DP all night twice a week, and an hour a night otherwise. He said he couldn't do it because it's quite far away and I'm 35 weeks pregnant so he wants to be able to come back quick if I go into labour. She said tough, he'd have to.

So I was having REALLY bad braxton hicks one night, and I couldn't keep anything down not even water, and had an agonising water infection, and had a little show, so he had to come home from work to take me up to the labour ward.

The next day he asked again if he could change his hours to avoid leaving me alone all night (particularly as these wern't even the hours arranged when he took the job). She said no.

So then she starts saying 'don't worry, you're not in any trouble, but I'll smack your bum for going home the other night.'

Excuse me??? Smack his bum?? Who talks like that!?

The reason this has annoyed me is because he came home to me as we were worried and had to go to the labour ward.. how is that a bad thing? He had warned them he may have to leave as I was struggling, so they gave him a list of things to do if he had to go, and he did all of those things before leaving.

She's still flirting with him all the time, and when he's working and she's not (she lives on the site) she goes to see him all the time in the middle of the night for no reason.

I just wish she'd sod off!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/04/2008 17:06

he is being sexually harrassed, he should speak to his manager/boss and/or HR. Put this in legal and find out what he should do about it.

He should start keeping a diary and keep any "evidence" - texts, emails, witnesses to comments etc.

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:09

Yes i'd be well p!ssed off too! She has no right to talk to anyone like that. 1, it just looks stupid and 2, as manager or whatever, surely she can be had up for harrassment and should know that? Also can she not be taken to a union for making his work patterns unreasonable when she knows you are pregnant? Surely there must be some flexibility with any company for this?

mumblesmummy · 06/04/2008 18:17

I hope there is some kind of procedure in place. Whether it's worth it or not is another matter as she's leaving in a couple of months and I think he's scared of rocking the boat when he's just started. I think he's tired of it though, he keeps saying he REALLY doesn't want to go to work, and he just wants to call in sick, which is so unlike him because he's a real grafter.

OP posts:
JellyNump · 06/04/2008 18:50

What does he do and why does he have to work nights?
When she makes inappropriate comments has he tried saying 'actually, tht comment you've just made.....I think its inappropriate and unprofessional,please can you stop making comments like that?'

mumblesmummy · 06/04/2008 18:54

He works in security so it's all either evenings (which I'm fine with) or all night.

I think I'll tell him to say that, though I've heard them on the phone and he's stand offish when she says flirty stuff but she just carries on like a complete numpty.

The thing that annoys me most is that she sometimes talks about him to the other people who work there and so they ring him and tell him what's been said about him and stuff that she's said to them too because she's slept with quite a lot of them and she flirts with them too. I don't like her talking about him like that, like he's a piece of ass or something.

OP posts:
JellyNump · 06/04/2008 18:57

Can they not all put in a complaint together? Then its not just him as a noob but some of the older ones too?

NotABanana · 06/04/2008 18:58

If this was a man doing it to a woman there would be uproar. He needs to make it quite plain to her she is out of order and if it doesn't stop he will be going to the boss.

sarah76 · 06/04/2008 19:01

YANBU, she sounds like a real b*tch. I'd have a hard time not phoning her up myself---but I imagine doing that would only make things worse for your DH. Agree with what others have said, write down dates/times of every incident in case he needs to have evidence, perhaps even record phone calls?

WallOfSilence · 06/04/2008 19:01

How do you know she's slept with nearly all of them?

horsish · 06/04/2008 19:05

is your husband bothered by any of this?

WallOfSilence · 06/04/2008 19:06

What age are you & dp?

mumblesmummy · 06/04/2008 19:11

WallofSilence- I really didn't want to believe that because I can't imagine why they'd sleep with her because she's a right moose. But they just have and she revels in it which irritates me even more. There's only my DP who doesn't live on the site though, so I assume after a few drinks these things happen. It's a holiday complex. I was hoping she'd deny it but she just admits it.

I'll get him to write it all down so that we've got a record.

I think the other lads sort of like it (well the younger ones. The older ones don't as they have girlfriends and wives and things). If she carries on, he'll have to report it before she goes as when she goes to her next job she might do the same thing there.

She just needs to pick who she dos it to. Single ones, fair enough, but not ones with pregnant fiancees at home.

OP posts:
mumblesmummy · 06/04/2008 19:13

sorry, cross posted. DP doesn't like it at all as he's a proper family man and he knows it upsets me when she's flirting on the phone and I can hear it. Plus it's really annoyed him that she's making things awkward when he has a baby on the way. I'm 22 and Dps 27.

OP posts:
Chequers · 06/04/2008 19:13

Message withdrawn

OverMyDeadBody · 06/04/2008 19:14

Maybe she's so used to talking in a certain way to men (i.e. in a flirty way) that she doesn't even realise she's doing it half the time and is just 'being herself'. I know this doesn't excuse her behaviour just like ti wouldn't excuse a mans', but perhaps she's not singling our your DH, just acting the same way she acts with all men?

mumblesmummy · 07/04/2008 18:52

It's definately a possibility. Maybe she's never got anyone's back up with it before so she doesn't know she's upsetting people.

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