For feeling guilty over having two?

[attheseasidesoon]

I don’t normally but this morning .,, baby dd not well at all, crying and crying. Got very distressed when put down but I had to as older sibling to get dressed, brush teeth, do a packed lunch, off to school, baby desperate to nap but couldn’t, older child more or less ignored as I tried to soothe a crying baby. Obviously not all days are like this but sometimes I feel like neither child gets the best of me. So my AIBU is - do others ever feel like this? Or am I being ridiculous?

You are ok. Your children are ok.
Children like 1:1 attention at all times but do not actually need it. It is good for them psychologically to know that sometimes you have to prioritise. It does neither of them any harm for each to sometimes have to wait a bit while you tend the other. So long as the decision isn't always one-way.

Awww don't worry - mornings are stressful with little ones.

Deep breaths and power through.
Prep as much as you can the night before.

There'll be plenty days when they do get the best of you so it evens out 🤷‍♂️

Plus this is life and kids need to learn it from an early age, just like we did.

I have twins plus one 4.5 years older with some additional needs. I feel like none of them get the best me. Eldest probably most likely to as we do stuff 121 but the number of conversations we have whilst I'm telling the twins to stop, desist, don't do that etc. I think it's just life. They all know they're loved and I make sure they all get hugs and kisses etc. You're doing your best xx

Some days your resilience can just desert you. And kids will try your patience! Nothing wrong with having two, and perfectly reasonable to get exasperated at times.

Ah thank you … the guilt was hitting me hard this morning.

Oh OP, going from one to two is full-on.

My DD was delighted when her baby brother was born. About a week later, she came into our bedroom one morning and baby was of course in bed with us, having been feeding. She saw him there, her shoulders dropped, she burst into tears and wailed: ‘He’s still here’. The realisation that he was staying forever was a tough one for her. I have never felt so guilty in all my life and I cried on and off all day.

The first time I took the two of them into town, my Mum came with me. The faff of trying to get the double buggy out of the car and set it up and get both DCs (one or both screaming) out of the car and into the buggy…it all seemed to take forever. I cried in the car park and said to my Mum: ‘How on earth would I have managed all this without your help?’ But of course I did go on to manage that on my own, and lots more besides.

The DCs became the best of friends and I found my way with being a mum of two children. We all got through those tough early days. Fast forward 15 years, the DC are still great friends. You’ll find your way OP. 💐

If you have a school age child with a new baby, then they'll hopefully understand that sometimes their needs/wants have to wait.

It's both easier and harder than having a smaller age gap. Easier as older DC is more self-sufficient and capable. Harder because they don't get much attention at first and they're often still very little. Also, often with a baby-toddler, you don't have places you absolutely have to be on time every day, like school drop-offs and pick-ups.

How old is your baby? It will get easier as the baby gets older, their sleep patterns are more predictable and you work out a routine that works for you. I make my DC's packed lunch before the kids wake up, set out breakfast on the side, wake the older one to get dressed and only wake DC2 at the last minute when we're ready just to roll out the door. You'll find what will work for you but it might take a while.

It’s only preschool @Goldbar so not such a small gap - two and a half years.

Thanks @Waitingfordoggo . Normally I think we’ve adapted but then some days I just feel like I ignore one of them while I tend to the other! An insane part of me wants a third but I don’t really …

Probably already been suggested

But have you considered a carrier?

How old is your baby?

Nearly one 😏😅

I had awful mum guilt in the early days but it’s mostly gone now - life is so much more joyful - but every now and again … I’m conscious my eldest went into preschool and I’d barely interacted with him this morning no one’s fault but gosh I did feel bad, I still do.

It will get easier!

I know it's frowned upon, but imo the 10 minutes in the morning when you're trying to get the older one together and everyone out the door and the baby is screaming their head off and you're so stressed that you've forgotten your name is exactly the time when strapping the baby in the buggy and 10 minutes of the dancing fruit/Miss Rachel, together with a snack, is called for 😂.

Same here, twins and one that is 5 years older, and one of the twins is autistic.

In my head it's all going to be lovely family life, playing nicely, happy days out. In reality it's me losing my sh*t trying to get the twins out the house on time for school, and the autistic child need far more of my attention and interrupting quality 1 to 1 time with the others.

And then there's the bickering etc...

@attheseasidesoon parenting more than 1 is tough. Take the rough with the smooth! The baby won't come to any harm if they have to cry for a while whilst you sort the other one out.

Twin mums deserve … I would say a medal but something more. A funded nanny or something!

Kids do have to learn to wait for attention. It bodes well for starting school when there are higher ratios. One thing my five year old does if she needs my attention and I'm dealing with her younger brother is to just place her hand on my arm or shoulder to just let me know she's waiting. When I'm done she then gets my full attention. When they were much younger I'd often say to the younger one "will be with you in just a sec, I just need to do X for your sister". Youngest had absolutely no concept of what I'd said but the oldest could see that I'd told baby to wait like she has to sometimes.

Two are hard

For what it's worth, if you'd stopped at one child you would probably have had moments when you doubted that decision as well!

We can only do our best.

honestly OP, I really don’t mean to offend anyone by this comment, I truly think having a sibling is such a blessing. Even when my kids are killing eachother I’m so grateful they have eachother, and the split of our attention at times is worth it.