Single mum and want another baby in near future

Sweet91 · 2024-06-03T00:51:07+00:00

Not necessarily right now and I have no idea what the future holds but I really do want another DC. My DD is nearly 5 and I feel sad thinking I might never meet someone new and have a family unit. My Dsis just had a baby with her DP and I’m so happy for them but it’s also stirred up some jealously in me. I’m 26 now,27 this year and I have been thinking if I’ve not met someone by my early 30s I may go down the sperm donor route. Has anyone else done this? Am I being unreasonable to consider this?

BruFord · 03/06/2024 03:06

Can you afford a second child? Can you do all the parenting alone with no support ( you may already be in this position with your DD, of course)?

reallytimetodeclutter · 03/06/2024 03:14

I don't think it's unreasonable. I have a friend who is a single mum (one child, who she had on her own via donor). I think she wants a second one in due course. She seems to cope better with parenthood than I do tbh, despite having no family help.

AnnaBanana69 · 04/07/2024 11:55

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sesquipedalian · 04/07/2024 12:24

You are still young, and you have plenty of time to meet someone. Wouldn’t you rather have a proper family with a DP or DH than bring another child into the world without a father? I think you’re feeling broody because of your DS, but the everyday actualities of looking after a young child and a baby completely on your own are not for the faint- hearted. Do think long and hard about the realities of your situation.

pjani · 04/07/2024 12:58

Whereas I'd say blended families are so complicated, go the sperm donor route. Regulated of course - or watch that Netflix show about the guy with 1000 children, or read the article about the guy with a genetic condition (fragile x syndrome I think?) who didn't tell the families about that - to learn more about the downsides of the unregulated route!

I had a friend who met his partner when she was pregnant, and they had their own baby not long after she had had her first. He was honest that he didn't feel the same way about the children, he did favour his own (obviously did his absolute best not to show it). Read the step parenting boards. Make sure your finances and your social support are in top shape and go for it.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/07/2024 13:07

Does your DD have a relationship with her father, spend time with him etc? I think there’s consideration to be given to how a child with no known father will feel in comparison to a sibling who has a father and whether that’s likely to help create a sense of difference and a poor relationship between the siblings.

Plus, if much of your sadness comes from the idea that you might never have a family unit with a partner, a child by sperm donation isn’t likely to relieve that.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2024 13:08

sesquipedalian · 04/07/2024 12:24

You are still young, and you have plenty of time to meet someone. Wouldn’t you rather have a proper family with a DP or DH than bring another child into the world without a father? I think you’re feeling broody because of your DS, but the everyday actualities of looking after a young child and a baby completely on your own are not for the faint- hearted. Do think long and hard about the realities of your situation.

Horrendously offensive to suggest that single parent families aren’t proper families. Please do think long and hard about the impact - and inaccuracy- of your words.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2024 13:11

OP, the thing is no family unit is perfect. Even if you meet someone now, it won’t be the traditional “picket fence” chocolate box idea. Your existing child will have a step parent whereas your subsequent children will live with both biological parents.

If you want a sibling for your child, can you afford this on your own? I would be thinking about doing that alone with a donor first and foremost. Then you will have many years when you can meet someone new when your kids are grown.

I am a single parent and so much happier than I was when I was with my exh - supposedly a “family unit”. My kids and I are very much a family unit and a proper family with one parent.

Any relationship I were to have before they are grown will be in my own time and not impinge upon them.

sesquipedalian · 04/07/2024 13:28

@ GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I did not mean to be offensive, and families come in many different shapes and sizes. All I really meant to say is, that it is difficult enough having young children when there are two parents, even with considerable amounts of family support, and two children will necessarily be more difficult to deal with than one. If the OP decides she wants another baby, that is her prerogative, but as she is still young, perhaps it would be as well to think a little longer rather than rushing into anything. I certainly didn’t mean to tread on anyone’s toes.

tearsandtiaras · 04/07/2024 15:26

sesquipedalian · 04/07/2024 13:28

@ GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I did not mean to be offensive, and families come in many different shapes and sizes. All I really meant to say is, that it is difficult enough having young children when there are two parents, even with considerable amounts of family support, and two children will necessarily be more difficult to deal with than one. If the OP decides she wants another baby, that is her prerogative, but as she is still young, perhaps it would be as well to think a little longer rather than rushing into anything. I certainly didn’t mean to tread on anyone’s toes.

You are horribly offensive with your first post.

You use the word "proper" - by definition proper means right or correct.

Please consider the impact of your words.