Not sure what to do about lodger, with birth of dc2 imminent....

[littlelamb]

I have a 3 bedroomed flat and only one dd, so to make a bit of extra cash I took in a lodger last September, not expecting to get pregnant. I have 2 months before I am due and don't really know what to do. The money is certainly handy, but it has made a lot of extra work for me. She is 23, and a foreign student who is at work during the day and I cook all of her meals and buy all of her food [mug emoticon]. So in this respect, I suppose a lot of the money she gives me is actually eaten by her anyway! I am worried that it would add to my stress if she was still here after the birth, but I don't really want to throw her out, as I don't know where she would go and don't want to leave her in the lurch. SHe is nice, just not very helpful around the house. If she wasn't here, I could turn her room into a proper nursery. As it is, she would be leaving when the baby is 2 months old anyway. It is so difficult to know what to do. When I had dd I was living in a 1 bedroomed place so I know that the baby doesn't NEED its own space. I can't decide wether the extra money is worth the extra stress.

And yet only you can decide.

Do you want to know how I make some decisions, when I am totally unable to decide and keep going "yeah but yeah but what if oh but.."??

Ok. Go and get a coin. Got it? Right. Heads you ask her to leave, tails you keep her. You have to go with what the coin says, ok? ... now throw it.

Right. You now have it on the back of your hand with your other hand over it. Before you look at it.....what are you hoping it will be? Did you have a moment where you suddenly thought "Heads, heads, heads" (or "tails tails tails"??

If you did, then that's your decision. There. You already knew. And if you didn't, well, you might as well go with the coin.

Meant to add - I have made some rather large decisions on the toss of a coin, including getting married to a man I'd known 3 months, moving 200 miles away from my home town and having a tattoo. (yes, yes, no) I tend to find that when that coin is in the air, I suddenly know so clearly what I want."

I amj not sure a lodger is there to be helpful around the house tbh, unless that is part of the deal in leiu of payment.

If you really can't ask her to go why not hang in there until the baby is 2 months if she is definitely going then. Talk to her now about her plans and if she isn't going, give her notice.

Oh, and it doesn't have to be 1 she must go or 2 things stay as they are.... there is a third option - tell her that you will no longer be cooking for her, buying her food (assuming that is not part of what she pays for) or tidying up after her. Sit down and work out new rules. she must get her own food and make sure she tidies after herself and gives you space and etc etc.

THe money is not worth the extra stress imo. If she's managing to study in a forrin country she won't have a problem finding lodgings for a month or three. Give her a month's notice, and be kind and let her stay an extra couple of weeks on top of that if she's stuck. She won't suddenly become more helpful around the house when you have a new baby.

How much rent does she give you?

Its 300 pounds a month but the food bill has risen considerably since she's been here! My worry is that I am already more at risk for PND and I don't want this to be a contributing factor. On the other hand, I have dd to look after as well so it is not going to be like last time anyway (heading off to bed when dd slept, hours spent breastfeeding, etc)

When my second one was born we all used to have a sleep after lunch but my first was only 2 and napped until he was 4.

ok, i'd explain that you won't be able to cook and buy food for her once the baby is here. give her the option of moving out sooner. either way, she knows the score. sounds like she's taking advantage anyway...

Sorry, now advice, but Hecate - I use that tossing a coin method to help me to know what I think too!

It's good, isn't it. Nothing gives you clarity more than thinking your future is about to be decided on the toss of a coin!

hecate - I do that too - have taken jobs on it, dumped a boyfriend, chose my uni course on it. I just love that nano-second of clarity!

I'm always recommending it to ditherers!

Hecate what a fab idea, I will remember that.

I do the coin tossing thing too hecate. I did it to decide which uni to go to (a loooong time ago), which job to take, where to live and what to name ds2.

It works wonders!