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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to talk me out of paying for this?

28 replies

mummingforthefirsttime · 02/06/2024 21:25

Because to be fair, we could really do to save the money and I’m not certain it will make me feel better

The wait between the 12-20 week scan feels so long. I am really anxious about whether baby is ok or not. We had a scan a week ago to find out the gender and I’m thinking of booking another, just to see baby is ok. FTM and have anterior placenta and not really showing at all yet so can’t feel baby moving and it feels like some kind of limbo stage. We had an early loss previously so every day I’m worried.

Rationally, I really don’t need to book another scan do I?

OP posts:
SleepingMermaid · 02/06/2024 21:27

How many weeks are you now?

Original poster
mummingforthefirsttime · 02/06/2024 21:27

SleepingMermaid · 02/06/2024 21:27

How many weeks are you now?

Coming up to 17.

OP posts:
Suzi9989 · 02/06/2024 21:29

At times, you just need to trust your instincts. If you feel a scan would help to reassure you during your pregnancy. I'd say Do It!

GoneFishingToday · 02/06/2024 21:29

If everything was OK just a week ago OP, I really don't think you should be worrying about having another scan just yet. It's early stages, so try and relax, what will be will be, and by stressing yourself out, you're not doing yourself or your baby any good. However, in saying that, I can totally understand your anxiety after what you've been through previously.

Pin0cchio · 02/06/2024 21:32

If you've made it to 17 try and hang on.

I had a lot of scans for my last pregnancy due to complications and honestly? Its not reassuring - any feeling of reassurance you do get doesn't last and you are back to worrying the next day.

I know its hard (i had losses too) but the only thing you can do at this stage is just try to be calm and wait it out. You got this.

NewName24 · 02/06/2024 21:32

You don't need another scan.
I know this is really much easier for us to say than you to do, but you need to relax. Maybe set yourself some challenge to think about something else for a while ?

Cbljgdpk · 02/06/2024 21:35

A scan only reassures you for that moment only so don’t waste the money. This is the time in pregnancy I found most anxiety inducing but very soon you’ll get movements and you’ll have lots more useful things to spend that money on

paristotokyo · 02/06/2024 21:35

Your scan was ok a week ago? It's normal to be anxious but if it was ok then that's quite reassuring and you're way beyond the 12 week stage. Three weeks to wait for the anomaly scan which will be much more detailed then also. And it's quite normal to not really feel movements yet. I think it's up to 24 weeks if you still haven't then to let your midwife know. It's up to you though of course but I personally only had the one extra private one at 16 weeks as it felt like too long to wait from 12-20.

Jeezitneverends · 02/06/2024 21:36

I was only just starting to feel my first baby move at 16/17 weeks so you’re probably not missing anything in that respect….I do get your need for reassurance though, it can be a stressful time, especially if you’ve been unfortunate enough to have suffered a previous loss…but are you sure 1 extra scan would reassure you? What if it doesn’t-even if money wasn’t an issue to have a scan every week, I don’t think it would be healthy for your mind to go down that road….can you speak to your midwife about it?

AgathaX · 02/06/2024 21:39

You could have another scan and be reassured in the moment but as soon as you walk out of the building feel just as anxious as you do now.

MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 21:42

Sorry OP I can't try and talk you out of it because I was exactly the same! The reassurance I got from the extra scans put my mind at rest and helped me not to worry, I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine with you and there will be no need for the additional scans, but I was also given this advice and paid no notice at all lol

Maray1967 · 02/06/2024 21:43

Pin0cchio · 02/06/2024 21:32

If you've made it to 17 try and hang on.

I had a lot of scans for my last pregnancy due to complications and honestly? Its not reassuring - any feeling of reassurance you do get doesn't last and you are back to worrying the next day.

I know its hard (i had losses too) but the only thing you can do at this stage is just try to be calm and wait it out. You got this.

Yes, I agree. I know it’s hard -,I went through this with DS2 after 3 mcs, but I managed to get from 13 weeks to 20. Money was a bit tight and I focused on how it could be better spent. Remember - the scan can’t change anything so in effect it doesn’t achieve anything. And the following day you’d be wondering whether something happened that morning, so you’re back to square one.

Original poster
mummingforthefirsttime · 02/06/2024 21:52

Pin0cchio · 02/06/2024 21:32

If you've made it to 17 try and hang on.

I had a lot of scans for my last pregnancy due to complications and honestly? Its not reassuring - any feeling of reassurance you do get doesn't last and you are back to worrying the next day.

I know its hard (i had losses too) but the only thing you can do at this stage is just try to be calm and wait it out. You got this.

This is true, I know I’d be worrying the day after - just like I have with every scan so far

OP posts:
Original poster
mummingforthefirsttime · 02/06/2024 21:59

Jeezitneverends · 02/06/2024 21:36

I was only just starting to feel my first baby move at 16/17 weeks so you’re probably not missing anything in that respect….I do get your need for reassurance though, it can be a stressful time, especially if you’ve been unfortunate enough to have suffered a previous loss…but are you sure 1 extra scan would reassure you? What if it doesn’t-even if money wasn’t an issue to have a scan every week, I don’t think it would be healthy for your mind to go down that road….can you speak to your midwife about it?

Yes I’m talking to her x

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 02/06/2024 22:01

Would it put your mind at rest to speak to the midwife and listen to the heartbeat maybe?

pinksquash13 · 02/06/2024 22:03

If you had a healthy heartbeat at your 12 week scan your % chance of having a healthy live birth is crazy high! The biggest risk is in the early weeks. Don't pay for a scan, it will be a waste.

Original poster
mummingforthefirsttime · 02/06/2024 22:10

Spirallingdownwards · 02/06/2024 22:01

Would it put your mind at rest to speak to the midwife and listen to the heartbeat maybe?

I didn’t know the midwives could do this outside of the hospital setting

OP posts:
Original poster
mummingforthefirsttime · 02/06/2024 22:10

pinksquash13 · 02/06/2024 22:03

If you had a healthy heartbeat at your 12 week scan your % chance of having a healthy live birth is crazy high! The biggest risk is in the early weeks. Don't pay for a scan, it will be a waste.

Thank you. Logic says exactly this. And risk of anything going wrong now statistically is the same for the rest of the pregnancy so I should probably find a better way of dealing with it

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 02/06/2024 22:13

mummingforthefirsttime · 02/06/2024 22:10

I didn’t know the midwives could do this outside of the hospital setting

Show quote history

Yes give yours a call and have a chat with her. They have an instrument like a stethoscope or can even use a stethoscope. I am sure she won't want you worrying like this. Take care and try not to worry.

ThursdaysMonkey · 02/06/2024 22:18

It's very hard but in honesty you will only feel reassured for the duration of that scan, and the very next day you will be worrying again. And you can't have a scan every day so it's not worth it.

LeafHunter · 02/06/2024 22:26

Put the money you’d spend on therapy instead. Like others have said, as soon as the scan is finished then you will feel anxious so spend the money working on the anxiety instead.

KarmenPQZ · 02/06/2024 22:28

I ended up having scans every 2 weeks in my last pregnancy because everytime they found something slightly outside the expected that they just wanted to monitor. I’d go back 2 weeks later and that thing was fine but something else was slightly off. I wasn’t too stressed out about it all and everything was absolutely fine and now have a 5 year old but it sounds like that kind of thing would really stress you out so I’d say go easy on focusing on scans. Soon you’ll be able to feel baby and hopefully that will help reassure you but I would advise trying to keep calm. (Easier said than done)

IsItFinallyMe · 02/06/2024 22:34

Hey Op ❤️

i’m 17+4 and in your exact position, first pregnancy after losses I had a gender scan at 15 weeks and now the anxiety is getting to me more due to my 20 week scan not being until 22nd June! Feels like FOREVER! I also don’t feel like I’m growing much and spoke to the midwife who said it’s normal for first pregnancy and being slim however I’m still tempted every day to book a scan! Trying to hold out but can see myself giving in xxx

WilliamButt · 02/06/2024 22:39

I didn't feel any movements until long after my 20w scan, I'd guess around 23 weeks? I was worried but mw reassured me this is within normal range esp for FTM. (Also had anterior placenta and didn't really start showing until about 26 weeks.) I'd try to hold out until the 20 week scan.

theeyeofdoe · 02/06/2024 22:48

Absolutely not, you'r baby is happily swimming around and does not need another does of stress hormones during a scan.

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