My sister is driving me crazy AGAIN!!!!

[mumblesmummy]

I have whinged on here about ten thousand times about my sister, but it's the only place I can vent. She's 31 and I'm 22.

Her twins are due a few weeks after my baby is due and because she had IVF and I got pregnant from one month of being off contraception, she's really resentful and horrible. She can have leeway for this up to some point but it's just getting stupid now.

She thinks everyone should be at her beck and call all the time and she's horrible to me- people are even noticing.

She's been an extra pain in the arse lately. She said she hopes our babies don't come at the same time because she wants me to 'get mine out of the way'. She absolutely cannot stand that my baby is the first grandchild, which is just pathetic.

She's arranged (without asking my parents) that her H's parents would come and stay at my parents house over the period of her having her babies. These are not just normal guests, they completely take over, assume my parents will pay for everything on their entire stay including eating out every night, and are very over-bearing and intrusive. At this point I will have a newborn baby, and would like to be spending some time with my family myself, which we were all looking forward to. But once again, the sister has spoken, and everyone drops everything.

I still have a bedroom at my parents house as it's hardly a long while since I moved out, and I'm only young, and I intend to decorate this, buy a cot for it, we've put a double bed in it, and my mum's giving us her old wardrobes to put in it. Though first I'll need to clear all my stuff out of it. I want it to then be mine and DPs room for when we stay overnight (which is quite regular, and we always use this room), but mostly for my baby to have as his room. The reason I feel so strongly about this is that I'm very very close with my parents, but my sister has totally insisted that my mum must look after her twins while she works full time, which means that she won't see my baby very much. I want my baby to feel as though he has space at her house and she's still his nana even if she does spend a lot more time with the twins. If my mum tries to talk to my sister about not wanting to be a full time unpaid babysitter, my sister just cries and says loads of emotional blackmail that upsets my mum so mum gives in.

So my sister mentioned my bedroom the other day and I explained my plans, and she said 'no, that's the guest bedroom for people to stay in.' (baring in mind she has her own room at mums house and kicked up a right stink when me and DP were made homeless and had to move in for a few weeks over xmas- I was 5 months pregnant at the time and she was furious that we were staying in her room, despite her leech of a H staying with us for 8 years while I grew up) I said 'no, it's still my room and I'm doing it out, you and your H still lived with mum until you were 26 and he was 34, so I think I'm being very fair. I'm still only 22.' So she goes 'Don't you give me that, you're going to be a mother before I am.' Which is what all this boils down to, because she's jealous.

I was on here going mad last week because she gets my mum to make her meals all the time, and buy her shopping, and she says she's coming down for tea, but at the last minute she rings and says she's only picking it up because she can't be bothered having tea with everyone. She even did this on Easter Sunday which is important to my mum as she likes us all to have a roast dinner together.

She hates that I've got a huge bump and I'm really glowy and happy (though it only takes something small to set me off crying at the mo as I'm 8 months preg and secretly very anxious). And my mum wants to spend time with me and things as I'm right at the end of my pregnancy and it's brought us very close and we won't get this time back. Also, she's been so preoccupied with running around after my sister CONSTANTLY that she hasn't had much time for me up until now.

I know it's childish petty sibling stuff, and I know lots of you will want to shake me and shout at me, but please try not to, as I probably will cry. I'm just frustrated with her and she often seems to try to pretend that I'm not pregnant which is awful.

Please be gentle.

I find some of your posts here a bit disturbing, and can't decide if you have a dangerously psychotic family, or a warped perception on the subject of your sister (sorry).

For example:

"I took DP to meet them last year, but my sister and her H were weird with him straight away. Turns out it was because they could see we were a great match and were worried he'd get me pregnant when they were struggling to have kids."

Did your sister actually say this? That they were weird to him because they (1) thought you were oh so great together, and (2) were worried that you would get pregnant before her?

If so, run away from her and don't look back. It is not normal to think and say these things. This is the reasoning of a psychotic personality and I would worry that she could be dangerous, to you and your baby.

If she did not actually say this and this is your perception of why she was 'weird' with your future DH, I would doubt your assessment of your sister's reasoning.

Could it be that they were weird to him because they thought the relationship looked serious and they thought you were too young to be settled down with kids, and possibly hoped you would go to university before being married? (rather than hoping she would get pregnant first)

While still none of her business, it would be totally normal for her to worry about something like this. I would, if I had a sister barely out of her teens bringing home a guy she intends to marry.

Mumblesmummy, I am really sorry to say this, but I think both you and your sister should both just grow up. You could reason that you are the younger and therefore she should take responsibility for your relationship, but in fact you are both adults and if you continue to behave like children towards each other, then your relationship is always going to be this bad I'm afraid. All I keep thinking when reading your posts is your poor mum -- I am sure as anything that the last thing she wants to hear is you going on about your sister in one ear and your sister going on about you in the other. I am equally sure that she is doing everything she can for a quiet life!

Let's hope when your babies come along both you and your sister will gain some perspective on what's important! Best of luck.

I walk on egg shells around my much younger sister because she takes everything I say in the worst possible way. I love her dearly but I was concerned when she decided to move in with her DP and start a family at 22. Not because I have fertilty problems, and I do, but because I could not imagine wanting that at her age and I worry it is because she is scared of going out into the big, bad world and starting a career building friendships etc. I worry that down the line, she will regret that and maybe even resent her dc in exactly the way our own mother did.

Your parents need to decide how they want rooms in their own home. As for:"today she was upset because she said she thinks her babies will come out crying and keep crying and I said 'I would too if (her H) was my dad'..." I think that would hurt me if anyone said that, and you should certainly apologise. Also, it seems that your sister is complaining to your parents about her DH, and in chinese-whispers style your parents are passing that on. Do you think that maybe the reverse is happening too? Any of your moans about your DP are being passed on to your sister, making her perhaps doubt you are such a great match?

We've had a talk and managed to sort through a few things and we're going to try and move forward now.

We're both keeping our rooms.

Her H is horrible but she's always let him treat her like that.

Yes she did worry that we'd have a baby together because he's the first decent bloke I've ever come across. It's not her, it's her H.

Most importantly, it seems people have made the assumption I have settled down to young.

I HAVE BEEN TO UNIVERSITY and I'm a teacher. Now I'm settling down, getting married and having a baby.

Thanks.

Bachelor's degrees at universities I know about last a minimum of four years. Assuming you would be in secondary/high school until 18 or so, you would be at least 22 at graduation. When you said you are 22 now, married, and 8 months pregnant, I got the feeling that you were not a university graduate when you presented your DH to your family (presumably before the marriage) last year.

In any case, I agree with Duchess, mummee et al in finding this whole dispute rather childish. You are both about to have children of your own and it is sad that you are fighting over who gets to 'keep' what room at your parents' house. Really.

And it is alarming that your 'understanding' of your older sister's behaviour is so bizarre. I repeat, either you misunderstand her motivation for what she says/does, or she is truly psychotic and you should stay away from her for the rest of your life. I would very sympathetically like to advise you to think which it is.

Sure, everything is possible, but improbable that at 22 yrs old, you would be a university graduate who married after graduation and is now 8 months pregnant.

That is why I assumed she was not university graduate when presenting her future-DH to her family.

I'm not in America, I'm in England. We do 'high school' until 16, go to sixth form for two years, uni for 3 years and I'm currently studying for my Post Graduate Certificate in Education (PGCE) whilst teaching. So yes, I'm a teacher (lecturer who also runs workshops), and I had already graduated when we got engaged.

Enough of the childish stuff, as I said in my first post, I know it's childish and stupid, I'm the first to point it out, but that isn't really an issue when there's feelings involved. Let alone hormones.

Thanks for everyone's responses.

Of course it's possible - what a weird post.
And not completely unfeasible that an intelligent educated woman would decide to get married and have a baby at 22 - is it ?
Also, a bit OTT to describe the family as possibly 'dangerously psycotic'- just looks like plain old, common or garden jealousy to me.I think the OP is the only person acting like a grown up in the family, quite frankly.No wonder she is fed up.

All I said was that I assumed you had not finished uni studies when you introduced future husband to family, because of your age. You said you did, I stand corrected. It was not an important part of my post and I am not challenging your account.

What I did say, and you haven't replied, is that your sister may have thought you too young for marriage when you introduced future-DH (rather than jealous because thought he would get you pregnant before she was pregnant herself). Education is only part of this. I could possibly be 'weird' as well if DD brought home a guy she intends to marry aged 21. And not because I am jealous of her.

Fgs nobody is saying it's 'unfeasible' for 21 yr olds to marry. I just said that the sister might have been negative about the whole thing at first because they thought she was too young, rather than jealous of her future happiness and children

Mumblesmummy - I just wanted to add that I sympathise with you entirely tbh
Your sister sounds like a pita

Enjoy your baby

She was very, very jealous which has been admitted quite a long time ago. Early on in our pregnancies. But like I say, it's not really her, it's her H, who puts a lot of pressure on her.

I was a handful until I met DP and he really brought me down to earth and brought the best out in me and settled me down- which is what scared her a bit I think.

The rest of my family love my DP, and I think my sis can't help but like him, but it's just that she's made to feel inferior by her H because he's really mad at her because she couldn't conceive.

It's not nice for her at all. She has a very hard time. But I'm just fed up of it all.

Sorry to be so defensive, I thought it'd be easier to talk about all of this than it actually is.

Thanks Yurt

If I were you I'd try to cut your sisters H out of the equation. The important ones here are the three babies on their way and you two as siblings. Really, your DHs don't come into it - regardless of your own personal feelings. You don't want the babies to pick up on these feelings later on "my daddy's nicer than your daddy" sort of thing. Hard I know but try to see your sister without her H being around - it might be the key to all this. It does sound as though he's been around for a long time whilst you were growing up which perhaps, you have resented. You might need to reclaim that lost sibling time now .

I hope this doesn't come across as being mean, but I don't think you are being very fair on your sister. If you can't have a baby naturally and end up going throguh IVF it is very emotionally and physically draining (even when it works) and I think it is quite common to be jealous of people who can get pregnant easily, particularly if you may also have a slightly difficult relationship with them for other reasons.

Your sister also sounds like she has a difficult time with her DH and relies an awful lot on your mum so you are still competing for your mum's attention. Although they are obviously very rewarding, I think the first few months with twins are incredibly hard work, and your sister will need as much support as she can get which it sounds like she won't get from her DH vso she will need your mum and probably more than you will. Also, she and her DH have been together for a while now and are likely to stay together so you do need to stop being nasty to/about him.

I don't think it is unreasonable of your sister to have her PILs over when the babies are born and it would be hard for her to have to deal with her PILs as well as newborn twins if they are as demanding as you have said. It may have been better for them to stay in a hotel given that your baby is also due soon, but it is not your sister being difficult on that point - it is for your parents and her Pils to sort out.