Hello- long time lurker, first time joiner but decided to swallow some courage and ask you for any insight. Sorry if this is long!
Today is my 30th birthday for context. I’ve had a group of female friends (4 of us, all 30) for the past 4 years. We met when I joined a hobby when I moved to our city. None of us are apart of that hobby anymore.
We used to see each other once every two weeks and contact each other maybe once a week on our group chat. It was lovely and we got on really well. It was nice to have friends that were bitchy free and all three of them are very easy going-as did I think I was! I’ve helped them through difficult times (breakups, house moves, etc)
Then in January, while on holiday- I got some bad news about my health unexpectedly, at the same time I lost a family member and my landlord decided to sell and text me to tell me . All within the four days we were away on a girls trip m. I tried to keep a brave face but by the last day, during one of our excursions, I broke down. I went back in a taxi to the hotel and the others stayed out. We flew home the next day and everyone was quiet but it was an early flight so assumed tired.
Since then things have been frosty, none of them have reached out to see if I was ok really. Contact has become a lot less, and although they would reply to my messages when I ask if they’re ok etc quite friendly- nothing would be instigated by any of them and they’d never message first anymore. If I suggested meeting up, they’d say they weren’t sure if that date could work etc and it would never happen, I asked if I’d done something and all three said no. So I just stopped communicating, as did they (assume they’ve got another group chat) and it was left at that.
Since then, I’ve happened to see all three of them in person at weddings recently and another at a work conference (separately, not together). Big hugs when they see me (coming up to me) “we should do something soon!” I’ve missed spending time with you etc-so I reached out again a few weeks ago, and again radio silence. I also found out that they’d gone round to one of the girls new homes for a house warming and I’d not been invited.
It’s also my 30th today and although they’ve liked the picture of me on instagram with my 30 cake my Nan made (cute!) they’ve not reached out to say happy birthday. I’m probably being pathetic, I just feel sad as I made such a huge deal for their 30th as they did to each other. I just feel confused by their actions.
I should probably cut my losses, but I don’t have any other friends, I keep wondering what I did wrong? And I’m wondering how to make friends in my 30’s? Our hobby was a choir/book club but it’s no longer running and the nearest is 30 miles away.