Is this normal as you start getting older?

[TVD2103]

I’m not exactly old - I’m coming up for 30 - but I am starting to notice a change and I don’t know if it’s related to reaching a certain point in life or normal?

I’ve become a terrible friend. I’ve noticed that I don’t really have any desire to see my friends, reply to their messages etc, I much prefer being on my own isolated from the rest of the world. I just can’t be bothered and I don’t know why? I don’t think I’m depressed, I don’t feel it, and I still have a desire to do things but just peacefully and on my own/with my own company. I struggle to hold a conversation even with friends I’ve had for 20+ years.

The only thing I can think of is maybe because I’m at a different life stage to them? They have partners whereas I choose to be single, they have younger children or no children whereas my daughter is older, I’m not entirely sure though because I think I’d feel the same way even if this wasn’t the case.

Has anyone else experienced this before??

Not really, I've always liked hanging out with my friends

It sounds more like a touch of low mood which could easily switch over into depression. You’re 30, that’s not “a certain point of life” which means you ought be hanging up your socialising hat for the comfy chair and slippers!

You’ve mentioned your friends being in a different life stage: perhaps branching out and expanding your social circle to include other new friends who are more at the stage you currently are would help. What do you enjoy doing? Or even, how adventurous are you prepared to be in terms of thinking about doing things you don’t currently do? At 30, I moved back to London from Scotland and built myself a life I never even knew existed - and the life I have now - just through saying “yes” to any opportunity which came my way.

I can take or leave company. Don't mind either way. And yes I am more comfortable with my own company in the last 5 years. I'm 32.

30 is still young.

Never had this and would say maintain friendships as its normal to go through phases etc. Friends are so important and all the posts about loneliness on here speak to that.

What do you think is missing compared to before? Do you think/feel they are less interested in you than before? That has dampened way friendly feeling towards people in the past...

Do you think you're getting fatigued of these particularly friends and/or the life/places they are associated with and could do with more/different friends? Or a change of scenery?

@coastalhawk I’m not sure, I think I just find other people’s lives quite draining if I’m being honest, I feel like I don’t have the mental capacity to listen to other people’s issues. For example, my best friend that I’ve known my whole life, most of our conversations centre around her slagging her boyfriend off and how awful he is but then two minutes later she is posting on SM about how wonderful he is… thinking about how you’ve worded that, I think most of my friends I have are from childhood and maybe I have just outgrown them… I certainly don’t share any interests or hobbies with them. For example, I’m a huge reader whereas they don’t touch books, so maybe it’s because I feel like I don’t have much to say to them or talk about 🤷‍♀️

I enjoy my own company, I think often it spoils things when I have to share time with other people. I have children, that's probably why, i want peace. I don't think there's anything wrong with this , but don't alienate people or else you might end up lonely.

I wonder if you feel you don't have anything in common with your friends anymore.

I think it could be a similar thing with me. I’m a single parent to DD and she has some additional needs so it can be really hard at times so because of that when I do get some time child free I like to just chill out and have peace and quiet rather than meeting up with other people…

It does sound like you've outgrown your current friends OP. It also sounds like you have quite a lot on your plate right now, as a single parent to a child with additional needs, so I wouldn't worry about the way you feel. It just sounds like it's a stage in life that you are going through, where you don't particularly have time for friends, and just want to enjoy spending what little free time you do have chilling on your own. Nothing wrong with that at all. You might find that as your child gets older, and hopefully more independent, you begin to get more free time, and once again have the desire to get out and about with people, at that time, you'll just naturally begin to find new friends. Don't feel obliged to socialise just because other people feel you should.