What would you think about this?

[chefskiss22]

A close relative with alcohol dependency who is drunk by 9am on a Sunday morning? Uses the excuse that there's an emotive date (anniversary of the loss of a loved one) in the next few days and they are struggling.
Massive back story here which includes several arguments over them drinking and them choosing not to acknowledge it or change in any way. Relationship between the two of us has suffered as a result.
Aibu to call bullshit and actually find it very insulting to loved ones memory that they would use this as an excuse for alcoholism?

An alcoholic will drink to cope with a difficult anniversary, it's unrealistic to assume they won't. Often the lead up to an anniversary or birthday is worse than the day itself so I don't think it's an excuse as such.

If the person isn't willing to acknowledge they have a problem and make changes, then you won't make them. You should just back off for your own sake and protect yourself.

They drink everyday regardless but when it's an important date they seem to think it's a great excuse for even worse behaviour like drinking before 9am.
I just find it disrespectful to the memory of our loved one who would have been appalled by it frankly.
I think there are different stages of alcoholism and when you get to the point where you're drinking first thing in the morning it's not good.

Not worth the argument IMO.

What will you achieve?

Good point. Will achieve nothing. We've been here many times before.
I just can't get my head around it.

Are there children involved?

ALANON

I am the child in this scenario. Obviously a nearly 40 year old child but still one that misses the love and support of a parent who'd prefer booze over a relationship with her daughter and grandkids.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this OP. As mentioned above, addicts can't cope and will use their addiction to self medicate. Easier said than done, but I would think of this more as a problem for your alcoholic relative than an insult on the memory of the loved one.

It sounds like the addiction has got worse. Sadly, if this person won't seek help currently, it's probably time to step back and look after yourself.

https://www.adultchildrenofalcoholics.co.uk/

I'm sorry OP, I've been there. I highly recommend Al-Anon, and to lower your expectations of your parent. Then lower them again.

This isn't about you and it isn't about your loved one, either. It's just about the alcoholic, their addiction and their emotions. They are not going to have a "normal" relationship with you or with anyone else.

the anniversary is red herring here. You can raise a question about seeking help for alcoholism but I wouldn’t engage in discussion about anniversaries, it would lead nowhere.
Your parent need a wake up call (was minor heart attack for mine, he was I think 63 ) and take a decision. Until then…. Just focus on yourself and your children. Sorry that you are in this situation.

I don't engage with it. I know that it's just an excuse. She will drink regardless, it's just that she feels more justified in doing so when there's an anniversary. As though it makes it more acceptable.
I said it isn't an excuse and that I won't be visiting today and left it at that.
It's just very upsetting.

You don't need too, it is nothing to do with you, they are not going to stop drinking because you tell them too it doesn't work that way

@chefskiss22 it must be very upsetting, and I'm very sorry that you are in this predicament. It's heartbreaking to watch someone self-destruct like this, not to mention the added layer of guilt that you also feel angry with them for hurting you too.

I agree with @Marghogeth that contacting al-anon for some support for you and your children seems wise.