To be angry at mil for scaremongering

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Yesterday my partner sent a video of baby crying to get some advice from his mother whilst I was napping. For context our baby just had his 8 week.jabs day prior, has reflux and is very windy.
His mum said he might have hydrophalus and then we need to see a gp ASAP as he is in pain.
I've been woken to my partner xoming in saying we need to see a gp because baby is crying really badly and his mum say its might be fluid on the brain.
I'm completely baffled and said we'll have you winded him etc.
For context I have really bad anxiety and have mentioned it to HV when they came about how I'm worried about things being wrong with baby so this resllly isn't helpful or nice to have pushed on you from someone who's seen the baby once and seen a 30 second video.
I mentioned it to her that it's not helpful and she's caused me even more anxiety now by saying he has this disease. Anyway its caused huge argument now between all of us because of this. She's also not sorry for mentioning it even though its caused my anxiety to come back worse. She also messaged me saying my baby is in pain so I need to go to gp. Any ops?

Sorry for typos!!!!

Well she told your partner. He is the one that told you.

So if you feel the person who is to blame is the person who made your anxiety shoot through the roof by telling you, then wouldn't it be your partner you should be mad at?

He shouldn't ask her advice if he doesn't want it

I think the issue with that take is she's told us to go to the GP urgently, how is he supposed to go to the GP without me knowing? Plus my partner really dosnt have a clue about babies so he couldn't contest it.

Is she medically trained or just enjoys googling?

Agreed, that's part of the argument I've told him to stop informing her of babies issue as her anxiety over him is making it harder to live and manage my own. We're talking spam calls to both phones because we didn't update her when we want to get carabol for reflux

This isn’t a MIL problem.

Why would anyone think a reaction to a vaccine (normal), or wind, to be Hydrocephalus?

Sounds completely OTT.🙄

Why would anyone jump to the conclusion of fluid on the brain because of a baby crying?

Also don't understand why people send videos of babies crying 'for advice'. Dhs friend does this.

How is anyone suppose to know why the baby is crying.

Op I am sorry but you are placing all the blame on her, when he went to her for advice and she gave it.

He, then, panicked and came to you. He spiked your anxiety. You can't blame her and not him because 'he doesn't know babies'. I assume you work with children professionally? In which case why doesn't he trust you opinion that it's vaccinations reflux etc.

She was asked her opinion and gave it. She isn't to blame for the spike in your anxiety. Your partner asked her then came to you.

Is there anything else that might make a sensible person think, oh god, there's something really wrong with this baby? Don't take this the wrong way but does he have a very odd-shaped head?

If not, and he has since been winded and settled down a bit, I'm sure he is fine.

If your MIL is the sort of moron who'd say something unsettling like that and your DH is the sort of moron who would a) ask his mum how to settle his own baby and b ) repeat such a moronic comment....I'm afraid you are going to have to work hard at ensuring baby takes after you and not his dad or his dad's side of the family !!

Moral of the story is I should've just not had a bloody nap

I agree to an extent, i have told him to stop involving her as she has severe anxiety so everything to her is bad. It's not the first time I've had issue though, she constantly spam calls me, drunk messages me and during pregnancy would cry if I didn't do things the way she expected so I guess it's just another thing to add that's me angry at her as well as him.

Plus my partner really dosnt have a clue about babies

Time for him to learn then. And not like this.

You need to explain to him how important it is that you, as baby’s parents, are on the same side and that running to his mother is the worst thing he can do.

I'm confused too. Crying baby to hydrocephalus is a huge leap. I'd just ignore her and your DP seems a bit lame too

Babies all cry, especially after their jabs.

Honey, if your baby had hydrocephalus, don't you think they'd have noticed it when he was having the injections?

OK so she has anxiety, someone came to her and she reacted the way she did due to anxiety. But she is also responsible for how you react to advice she was asked for and responsible for your anxiety.

So who is responsible for triggering her anxiety? Or do you expect her to manage her own and take yours into account?

Dp knows she has anxiety. Knows you do. And he caused all this. I appreciate you have issues with her (who wouldn't from this post) but she really isn't to blame. I know it's easier to blame someone you already have issues with, but this is a situation of your dps making.

That said, she sounds like a bit of a nightmare in general

Absolutely not!! He couldn't palm baby off on to the woman in his life so he went to another woman for a magical answer on how to calm baby instead of learning to parent for himself. DO NOT relieve him if his parenting because he can weaponise incompetence this way. Make him learn. If he's concerned for baby he can go gp with baby himself

It’s a cray conclusion to leap to but it sounds like she has anxiety. It’s a bit much to complain that her anxiety is unreasonable and annoying because it’s aggravating your anxiety. You both need to respect each other’s state of mind and mental health. Your DH shouldn’t message her with fears about the baby’s health if she has anxiety (or ideally at all as he is the father). He shouldn’t pass on crazy fear induced advice to you if you have anxiety. Now you know and he hopefully won’t do this again.

Ok so she's got severe anxiety and she reacted and it's her fault that it's spiked your anxiety? You need to take some responsibility for your own anxiety.

Your partner needs to learn how to parent and stop sending her videos of the baby crying.

My baby had hydrocephalus (now resolved). It would be extremely obvious if your baby had enough fluid on his brain to cause a problem.

She might be seeing something you're not, it's a random thing to pick out of the air if she's not seen somethings to suggest problems. She shouldn't keep it to herself just to spare you a bit if worry. If she saves his life you'll be thanking her.

What so he has fluid brain because he crying. She's a dafty,jealous because she wants another kid

Sorry, but that's nonsense.

What???

You really hate this woman.