DP controlling?

[Grannygoldfinch]

meeting 2 of DPs friends tomorrow , a couple he has known for years but I've never met. He has described the mans character, he's a bit "rough around the edges" but a decent bloke.
DP told me last night he has asked his friend to " watch his language" in front of me. I now feel really awkward . I'm mid 50s, have a job where I have mixed with all sorts of people, from criminals to the nicest people imaginable. And I love the mix.
Am sure my ear drums won't burst due to swearing...
DP now in a strop as he feels " I was showing respect to you and this is how you respond, I can't win"
AIBU for being annoyed?

Yabu he did a nice thing

I think he had good intentions. He wants his friend to be respectful around you, which shows how important you are to him. No need to feel or be awkward about it.

Mmm, that would make me feel a bit... ick... to have someone else attempt to control anothers behaviour around me lest I can't cope.

It’s patronising and like he is making you out to be prim/sensitive/a snob to his friend, I wouldn’t like it

Wouldn’t lose any sleep over it but would probably swear a lot when I met him.

How was it 'nice'?

Hope they aren't thinking I'm a bit precious.

I think he tries to make out I'm near perfect so people think better of him, he has low self esteem.
He also encourages me to eat less as he doesn't want me to become fat and unhealthy...also just showing how much he cares...

Luckily I am uncontrollable, and get more so the older I get .

If he’s described him as rough round the edges I’d say his mouth will probably be a bit of a loose cannon

I don’t think he’s done anything wrong

Encouraging you to eat less is a big fucking red flag 🚩

I think asking his friends to mind their language was a misguided attempt to do something nice. He may be embarrassed about his friends or have you on a pedestal, but either way it’s sexist and sets you apart from them.

Watching your weight for you is not a good sign. Please take a minute to reflect on this and speak to him about it.

Slightly patronising, if you are not precious about swearing.

Hardly controlling though

If the bloke is the type to pepper even basic sentences with the c word, 'pass the cunting salt please mate' etc then he's probably wise to tell him to tone it down. Lol
If you swear yourself during the convo he'll probably revert back to type pretty swiftly. I wouldn't be terribly offended though.

If your DH knows you are used to strong language it makes me wonder how extreme his friend's language normally is. Language doesn't just encompass swearing : it could be racist, sexist or goodness knows what. Perhaps he doesn't want any arguments breaking out.

Yes he is a control freak. And you need to leave.

Well your update puts a different spin on things maybe you should've led with that. Of course he shouldn't be trying to control what you eat. You don't paint a very nice picture of him really - why are you with him?

The swearing thing alone would piss me off. For me it's not a nice thing to do, it's weird. Like you, I don't need to be protected from some fruity language. I would probably make a point of swearing a lot but that's me.

The eating thing is not ok and a huge red flag for me. I would end it over that.

Going by your OP he doesn't sound controlling. Just sounds like he told his friend to behave himself and you took offense to that.

Your update presents a much bigger issue. He should not have any say in how much you eat.

Luckily I am uncontrollable, and get more so the older I get .

I don't think you understand the dynamics of controlling relationships. This comes across a bit victim blaming. As though you're saying "women who end up in controlling relationships are just weak minded and let themselves be controlled, luckily I'm not like that so that would never happen to me!"

Many controlling men purposefully seek out confident and strong minded women because they're more satisfying to break. You're completely underestimating how abusive behaviour can slowly chip away at your foundations, everything that made you solid and stable, and leave you a broken mess.

You can't just be in a relationship with a controlling men and simply not let him control you because you're not that kind of woman. No matter how strong you are they will make your life miserable. You can't have a normal, healthy, functioning relationship with a controlling man because the problem is them, not you.

Are you slim and he’s encouraging you to eat less (controlling) or
Are you obese and he’s encouraging you to eat less (he’s could have a good point)

I get why it’s irritating but controlling is a bit of an extreme word!

With that last nugget of info I think it’s quite clear he is one of those partners (not just men, there are women that do it to!) for whom their partner only serves as a reflection of them and they hold very high standards for due to their own poor self esteem.

Throw it back.