A couple of disagreements here about staying in contact, and interested in others' point of view. I will try to be objective with my description!
Two weeks ago we were out celebrating a friend's birthday and, as it got towards evening, DP offered to take the kids back home while I stayed out with friends. About an hour later I checked in with DP to see if everything was OK. It was, but we stayed in touch and eventually I came back after DP said a couple of times "I wish you were here". We were both happy.
Last weekend the opposite situation occurred: out with friends for another birthday, it got towards the evening but instead I took the children home and DP stayed out, having said they wouldn't stay out late as they were feeling tired. I messaged when I got home to tell DP something that made clear I was assuming DP wouldn't be staying out late, and needed DP not to, but got no response all evening, including to my message (at 2am, having been unable to sleep until then) that I was going to bed. DP came home at 4am. I had thought the position was going to be the same as the previous weekend, where we'd stay in touch and then probably hang out together at the end of the evening.
Yesterday DP went for a drink with colleagues and said beforehand they expected to be home around 6.30. At 6 they said they weren't done and would be back around 7.30, and to have dinner (with the kids) if I wanted. I immediately responded "thanks for letting me know. if I ordered curry, would you want some?" Response at 7.30 was "yes", but I said I'd given up waiting and had ordered already, not including anything for DP, but DP could phone the curry house if they wanted to add anything.
DP got home at 8.15 while we were eating dinner, obviously fairly drunk, and sat down and took nearly all the remaining curry without asking if there was any going. When DS and I reacted badly to this and said we weren't sure if there was enough to share (there was of some things, not of others) DP got extremely angry and refused to eat any curry, then refused to speak to me for the rest of the evening and slept in the spare room.
This morning I have apologised for being ungenerous with dinner and said I want to have a nice weekend with DP, but explained we reacted badly because DP had swaggered in and taken the food without checking it was OK to do so. I also explained that, on reflection, I was annoyed at the lack of communication because, like last weekend, if DP had checked messages from me then an issue could have been avoided (we ordered the food after DP had left the pub, so spending 15 seconds messaging me then would have prevented this).
DP has not apologised or moved on from the argument last night, and apparently feels "got at". The suggestion that we could keep in better contact apparently shows I don't like DP going out, and that I want DP to check in with me every 5 minutes if DP does. DP apparently can't be expected to check their phone at all when in company with friends/colleagues.
From my perspective it seems obvious to be in contact at least a bit when you're going to be late back or are discussing dinner plans. DP doesn't seem able to discuss this without getting angry, so felt motivated to post here. Any advice? AIBU?