To take our own food to friend's BBQ

[fao]

A close friend of DH is having a BBQ today. We're Muslim so I understand lots of food may be off limits to us. We can't eat pork and generally eat vegetarian and fish when out. It also means we couldn't eat the food if it was cooked alongside (ie. on the same grill) the pork and other meat are cooked on. I understand for a BBQ these dietary requirements can be a real pain for those that don't usually have the requirements. I don't want to be difficult guests and so I am wondering if we should we take a bunch of foods with us that they could put out or would that seem rude? I was thinking of taking some quiche type things from Waitrose? And maybe they could put it out with the rest of the food? We would be more than happy to share/take enough so there'd be enough to serve a group of people.

We absolutely do not expect halal meat to be provided and would not ask for it (we don't want to be annoying guests) and we would always find something we could eat without making a fuss eg. Salads with maybe a burger bun.

That said, I get the impression the BBQ is quite big and lots of people are invited. I can imagine the guests are a wide range of people including vegans and vegetarians (I know another friend of DH is vegan and she is going) so I would imagine the hosts would have thought of that. It's important DH goes because he hasn't been able to catch up with some of his friends for a while - lots of new babies on the scene and we would all like our babies to meet too.

Anyway
YABU: it's weird to take your own food/it's rude
YANBU: it would be fine to take/I wouldn't think anything of it

Edit: I remembered a couple more points I wanted to add. At the time of being invited DH did ask if there's anything we could bring etc but they said no. He didn't however mention any dietary requirements but imagines his friend is aware of it.

I would take my own too, even if different grills unless they’re far apart things can spit from one bbq to another, plus guests could accidentally contaminate food.

I would talk to your hosts. They may already have made provision for you, or they might be delighted to do so once they understand your needs. I certainly would. You can offer to provide for yourself in the conversation if it would ease the burden for them. If I were hosting, I would have no objection to you bringing some stuff but I would also want to make sure I'd done what I reasonably could to cater to you as a host.

If the host is a close friend of your husband and you know that there will also be vegetarians and vegans there, surely appropriate food will be provided?

I think it’s perfectly fine to do as you suggest. Your DH could message host in advance and say you’d like to bring your own food and will of course bring extra and hope that’s ok.

I’m going to a similar do later. I have various food allergies that mean bbqs and buffets are super risky to me. I don’t want to put any pressure on the hosts to manage my allergies; that’s on me - so I will be taking some bits and when it’s food time getting a plate and quietly adding my stuff to the end of the buffet table once I’ve taken my share. I’ll do this without making any comment or drawing attention and I bet absolutely nobody will notice, or think anything of it if they do.

YANBU, the host has enough to think about and bringing a few things you know you can eat means one less thing for them to do.

I have multiple allergies and I always bring my own food to BBQs etc, the risk of cross contamination is too high otherwise!

I would say it'd absolutely fine! It wouldn't bother me at all xx

It’s a bit like me going as a veggie, I’ll always contact the host and offer to bring stuff on the basis of having different needs (although so many people are veggie now it’s not that different).

Just message and say.

100% take your own stuff so at least you’ll be guaranteed to have something you know you can eat plus you can share with the others.
We always end up taking something to a bbq (although the hosts are happy to receive contributions), some marinated meat and a salad or something, a present for the hosts and booze for us to drink, I never turn up anywhere empty handed anyway!

I would take your own food but if dh is close friends with the host then chances are they already know the dietary requirements and have lots of options.

Personally I’d send a polite message to the host to say you’re bringing a few things and just check in- I’m sure they’ll be fine with it or may want to double check what they’ve maybe already got for you!

It's fine. Don't worry and just do it. 😊

I always take food to a bbq at friends anyway...every little helps...

I always take my own food to a BBQ for various reasons (not religion or vegan) and like you OP would take enough for everyone. It has never been a problem even with people we didn't know well.

I would ask. Similar position here and friends always cater for us and vegetarians.

Yes, I'd double check first as it can get a bit annoying if you've planned a buffet to suit everyone and guests rock up with random plates of food. Particularly as you might prefer some dishes to others to complement what's provided.

I'm sure it will be fine but it's courteous to ask.

If I was hosting I'd make sure I have food that was okay for you all to eat and prepared and cooked without contamination. Sure, it might mean it has to be cooked on the George foreman instead of the BBQ, but I would definitely try.
Wouldn't be offended if you did bring stuff though.

If your DH didn't mention dietary requirements then definitely bring food. Just say oh we forgot to mention we are halal so thought it would be easier to bring a few bits rather than worry you with preparing.

It's not always obvious whether people are observing the religious diets or not - so I have Jewish friends who will cheerfully eat bacon sandwiches and others who won't. My son won't eat pork because all his friends only eat halal so now won't eat pork but doesn't actually check origin of other meats like chicken (and tbh nor do I when it's just us ... obviously I would if his friends came over). So I think it's never clear and always best to tell hosts.

I would ask, and then make a decision based on that conversation :)

When we have large bbqs, we generally have vegan and vegetarian food available that was cooked and prepped seperately (usually on a separate grill), which I understand would be a faff for most people! We also wouldn't serve pork to a big crowd at all as it can be a minefield (and we don't always know who is observant of halal or kosher food rules in our crowd!)

It's pretty normal to bring your own food to a BBQ I'd say! Wouldn't bother me if someone brought something to mine.

Just ask them again. Say do you want us to bring our own halal stuff?

I think if you've said to the hosts "Is there anything we can bring?" this will have definitely been interpreted as you wanting to be helpful to them, and they've said it wasn't necessary. However this isn't about you wanting to be helpful polite guests, this is about you very reasonably wanting suitable food to be available for your own selves.

It's perfectly reasonably for you to discuss this with the hosts. They'll fully understand your position. Just open up the opportunity for exchange of ideas with them and make suggestions as to what you can bring. I totally understand you not wanting to be 'those' guests and so shying away from being seen as difficult or awkward, but not so much to your own detriment as you currently are. Talk with the hosts - it's far better than you missing out, and far better than you just turning up with dozens of extra unexpected random quiches.

Please please do not Just rock up with food. Your dh asked, and was told no, so the hosts are planning.a meal for guests and extra food is not needed.

Having said that, your dh was a fool not to specify food restraints. I would be contacting the host to apologise that dh didn't clarify and asking if it's easier for you to bring something as you certainly don't want to mess up their plans.

I am vegetarian and tend to find that at bigger bbqs the host tends to have veggie options but I always ask. I make it clear that I have no problems bringing something.

Smaller bbqs or ones planned at the last minute I've often cooked some veggie sausages, wrapped them in foil and just asked that they be kept warm.

I don't want to be awkward but I also don't want to be hungry!

I think it's rude to just turn up with your own food without saying anything beforehand. I would much prefer someone tell me their dietary needs so that I can cater to them, or call me and say they don't eat x and would I mind if they bring some items. (I also wouldn't assume that your DH's friend has remembered particular dietary requirements, particularly if they're catering for a large party.)

In my circles barbecues are pretty much a pot luck affair anyway: everyone brings something to share and something to add to the grill if they want vegetarian sausages or burgers etc. I can’t imagine anyone, let alone a close friend, is going to be at all offended by a family with dietary requirements bringing their own veggie stuff, particularly not if they know said close friends are halal-keeping Muslims.

She is a “close friend”, talk to her. Surely she is aware of your dietary requirements?