Would this be a big deal breaker?

[FlamingHotWotsit]

Been dating a guy for a while. Both late 20s. He’s still living at home. Found out today that he’s in massive debt from a business he was involved in and it’s all in his name. He’s in huge financial difficulties. He may be having to get an IVA or debt relief order and he knows that will have a big impact on him and he may not be able to rent or get a mortgage. Everything was going well till I found this out. What would you do?

If he'd told me up front... maybe not.

If I have had to find it out and he's been actively pretending to be solvent, lying about why he is staying with his parents etc.. then hell yes thats a deal breaker.

Yes, deal breaker. Not your problem.

Why didn't he tell you earlier and how did you find out? I would be concerned he was trying to suck you in to shoulder part of the burden.

It depends what you had hopes for in the future with him.

It must be awful for him though.

I’m just confused because he’s telling me about it now himself and said he doesn’t want me to find out later down the line. He says he still wants to see me but understands if I don’t want to stick around if it’s too much for me to be around. Not sure if it’s his way of trying to get out of meeting again

How much is the debt?

Around 35k. Also includes personal debts but mainly from the business

At least he's being honest & giving you the opportunity to walk away should you wish.
I married somebody with £160K worth of debt and found out six weeks later. But then he never owned up to it all. It was like a drip feed of additional bits.
Personally I'd give your fella massive kudos for considering your feelings.

@Bendegedig yikes! Did you stay with him? If so is it paid off now?

@FlamingHotWotsit no I wouldn't be happy with it as that seems like a huge amount; so if he took IVA then that would clear from his credit in 6 years time?

I'd walk away unless you prefer a life time of misery.

It usually shows a pattern of recklesness. (sp?).

The IVA will be five years and on his credit history for another six. That’s 11 years in total from the day the IVA starts, and you now have to declare a previous IVA forever on mortgage application forms in the same you have to declare a bankruptcy even after it’s fallen off your credit history. He’ll also be blacklisted for life by any creditors who go into his IVA. Getting credit will always be more difficult.

It’s something to think about.

It would be a deal breaker for me. I've always been a saver and careful with money so having that amount of debt would be a hard no.