To be anxious already at thought of DD starting school

[Outandabout43]

DD starts school September, she is a late August born.

Academically she is ready for school but I just worry about her socially. She plays happily with people she knows, however if it's a group of people she doesn't know she stands on the side line, you can see she wants to play but will not make the move to join in.

She has recently started pre school and hasn't seemed to make any friends. There is no pre school linked to her school either, so will not know anyone when she starts in September.

I was very quiet when I was young and very shy and also a July birthday, I was bullied and left out a lot at primary school and feel this has an impact now on my anxiety.

Is it normal to feel like this when your PFB starts school?

Anyone have experience with summer borns and if so how did they get on?

Can’t you defer summer borns in England now?

You can. I've been thinking about it but then feel I would be deferring her for my own reasons. Her childminder and pre school have both said she is more then ready.

I think you are being over anxious because of your experience at primary school. Try to be excited about the friends your DD is going to make. Because honestly she most likely will make a lovely friend or two. And your DD is more likely to make friends if she expects to, if that makes any sense at all!

My son is a late July birthday and I'm feeling the same as you. He's so not ready. He's not my first either. My others were ready for school when they started but weren't Summer born.

I'm a summer born and have two summer borns. In fact I was very prem too so should have started school in the next year had I been on time. Don't forget 1/4 or 1/3 of kids will be summer born and a whole range of social experiences. My end of July baby didn't know anyone. He's in Y5 now and has always loved school and popular and works above his age, my older son is born a bit sooner in the year but also got on fine. Don't worry. If anything kids kept back a year have struggled more socially from what I've seen

So your job in the first term is to network across the parents and host as many playdates as you can stomach. Forge some relationships yourself with the parents and the friendships for your DD will likely follow.

Fwiw my DD didn't settle into a friendship group until year 3 but never seemed upset by this.

My DC is late Aug born and also prem. Intellectually he would have been fine, emotionally and physically we felt it was too much. Because it’s EYFS it’s very hard on youngest in year. In fact, our DC was so small that when he went a year later to Reception he was still the smallest.

Socially though, teachers won’t have the same expectations of young in year. That would work in her favour.

Well, you’re her Mum, so your reasons are just as valid as anyone’s. I work in primary education in Scotland where deferral is very common (and the youngest non deferred DC are 4.5 rather than just turned 4) and I would always recommend it. But I know the situation is different in England and I’m not sure how easy it is or if she is guaranteed a place in next year’s Reception cohort.

I'd say it's normal to feel as you do (at least I hope so because I feel the same anxiety for the same reasons as you in terms of past experience).

My DD is starting school in September too, her birthday was in March so just about middle of the year. She has been going to the preschool attached to her school full time since the term after she turned 3 (April 2023) and I would describe her as similar to your DD in that she will play with familiar people easily but stand on the sidelines with unfamiliar children and come across as shy and reserved.

In that first term of preschool, I would say she was friendly with children and obviously played with them but she didn't come home chatting about "friends". Then when she went back in September it took a few weeks and she made this core group of friends that filled all her conversations, since then she has been more willing to go off and play with unknown children around the same age (although I will say she still doesn't do this all the time) but is still unsure about bigger kids. Her teacher tells me she's a social butterfly at school so she must just act different around us.

I imagine when she goes to school in September we'll have hit the reset button and she'll have to settle in again due to the long break and because there will be new kids.

I think one thing to remember is all the kids will be in the same boat socially with there being no attached preschool, so I'd imagine they'll all take a few weeks to settle but will then be fine as they fit into their friendships.

My DS's birthday is in December so he will be one of the older kids but he is so shy and it's making me very anxious. He has been in nursery since January and he refuses to speak there. I have no idea how he will cope in school. Will try to make play dates but he hates interacting with other children so I doubt he'll be keen!

My 4yo DS is the 30th of May, so not quite as young, but still early summer. Academically, he could've started school last year. Emotionally, I am worried for him starting in September. It may be a rough transition, but eventually the little ones find their tribe and catch up socially.

DD is a v late aug baby, youngest in her year , was due mid sept but arrived a few weeks early.
She started school last Sept , 6 days after her 4th birthday, we just moved areas and she knew no one.
Her now bestie is a whole year older than her ( sept baby), she’s thrived and is loving school; couldn’t imagine her staying back another year.
She the smallest in her year she’s a dinkie little thing , emotionally she’s a bit younger but holds it in throughout the school day and crashes after school.
academically she’s doing really well too.