To just really need someone right now

[heartbrokeagain]

I really really need a handhold right now and someone to help me see things straight.

Last year I managed to escape an abusive relationship which ended terribly, and I spent a year healing, therapy, solo holidays etc. Then in January I met someone. I was love bombed, again, and within a few months he started to control me.

Some of the things he did:

• called me a cheap slag because I went out with my friend
• accuse me constantly of cheating and messaging other men
• called me a cunt and told me no one cared about me
• stop me from being friends wirh a male I'd been friends with for years
• stole my passport and my car keys when I tried to end it
• called my best friend a fat cunt
• told me im mentally ill

I ended it two days ago. I have not stopped sobbing and have self harmed. He came over today to return the things he stole from me and I just wanted him to hold me and love me, and yet he would go from sobbing to calling me names. I feel broken, hopeless and embarrassed that I could let this happen again. And yet even though I know, deep down, that he's a narcissist and I've fallen into the same trap, I can't imagine not having him anymore.

Is anyone else going through a breakup and would like to chat?

Oh no, it's really not you - it's them. Have you got any female friends or family you can lean on?

If not, maybe try a comfort watch - any program that normally helps you relax or smile.

In the longer term - the Freedom programme might be helpful

You know this guy is not good for you. You need to mercilessly block him from your life. Save him on your phone as something that disgusts you. What you get from him will never be love. By entertaining him you’re blocking me someone beautiful from coming into your life. So close your eyes and imagine your perfect partner beside you, feel what he feels like, an outline of what he looks like, what it feels like to hold his hand and hug him. When you feel like reaching out to that douche close your eyes and imagine being with your real better half!

It’s not your fault OP, these men are a type of predator looking for someone to have control over.
They never show you who they really are from the beginning, otherwise you wouldn’t stay with them.
They let you become invested in the relationship first.
Re-read what you have written in your list there. This isn’t the behaviour of either a good or loving person.
Nothing will improve if you go back to him. Nothing. Abuse is a cycle - the honeymoon period only lasts so long before the next episode of abuse.
Learn from this mistake, read up on red flags for future relationships.
It’s not you that was the problem - it’s them.
Wishing you strength OP. DO NOT GO BACK, no matter how temporarily lonely you may feel. Better to be lonely than being actively abused.

Don't believe his sobs.